Concerned for friend

My friend's dream is to work with children, preferably in a school. She has worked in nurseries and after school clubs. Over the years, she has left workplaces due to bullying. She has also enrolled twice on teaching assistant courses and left saying the course was cancelled, I know this can be possible if numbers get too low but my boyfriend thinks she just left.

Now she hasn't had a job since July and has been signing on whilst trying to redo her English and Maths. She confided the other day she feels suicidal and has contemplated it :frown:

She said at school she had dyslexia and was ashamed so wouldn't ask for help from school or her family incase people teased her.

I advised her back in September to do temping even if it was different field it was still work - her boyfriend put her off that by saying agency work isn't regular, more regular that no work I say! She has contacted agencies and applied for childcare jobs but keeps getting told her NVQ2 isn't enough but needs NVQ3, she went to enrol for NVQ3 but was told she needs to pass her English and Maths before enrolling on the teaching assistant course.

I don't know what I can do cos last summer I took her to a childcare career fare and we picked up leaflets with good information about careers etc. I have advised her of her routes she could do which she hasn't done but she keeps listening to her boyfriend who hasn't a clue as he has always walked into opportunities.

I can't tell my boyfriend as he is best friends with her boyfriend so I can't really mention the situation as she doesn't want me telling him. My boyfriend doesn't know about her learning barriers and says its her own fault for dropping driving lessons, leaving jobs and courses and that she could have worked in a shop. She says she can't work in retail as she wants to see her boyfriend on the weekend.

Sorry its a long post but how can I help cos no-one else seems to want to and they just criticise her. Do you think I should offer to go round after work one night and help her sort out her options?

Reply 1

Jonah Ramone

19

It looks like you've already done a hell of a lot for this friend. If your boyfriend is best friends with hers, then surely you could have a chat with him to talk to her boyfriend to tel him to go easy on her, and let her make her own mind up. In the end she needs to make a decision that 's going to allow her to do what she wants to do and if that means not listening to her boyfriend you have to make this clear to her.

Just continue to be there for her like you are atm and ressure her that asking for help won't make her look any less capable.

Reply 2

he_is_innocent

Hm, tough situation for you and her. Did she go to any of the course before saying it was cancelled?
She obviously needs some help with the suicidal feelings, will she be able to talk to anyone about that?
If she's happy with you helping, yeah go round one evening, sit her down, and talk to her about her options, what she wants to do, what's available for her. Obviously make sure you've researched it properly (or you do with her!) so that you've got an accurate an idea as possible for her. I'm not sure if I'm right about this but I *think* that some places will allow you to work with them whilst working towards the appropriate NVQ, so maybe have a look around to see if there's anywhere that will let her work with them to acheive an NVQ3?

Good luck and I hope it all turns out ok
xxx

EDIT:

Thought I'd add a couple of websites that might help her!

www.jobseekersadvice.com
www.learndirect.co.uk
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Jobseekers/JobsAndCareers/DG_10030666

Reply 3

Electric

You sound like a nice friend, ashame her other friends are not helping. Maybe you could help her out but she has to remember she needs to get out there and go to job agencies etc as they won't come to her. As for the suicidal thoughts remind her its not the end of the world with the jobs and that she should banish those thoughts.

Reply 4

Dragon24

OP

17

I am starting to doubt her now and think she is taking the mick. She hasn't worked for 7 months and she keeps giving me the wrong email address to email the information as I get emails back saying incorrect email address. She even cancelled meeting up tonight saying her dad is ill and I couldn't come round. I only wanted to help and she's throwing it back in my face.

Reply 5

dh00001

16

youve offered to help, youve shown willing its up to her to accept it if she wants it know.
its not nice to say but i would let her come to you know. why should you get upset by it?

Reply 6

Dragon24

OP

17

dh00001

youve offered to help, youve shown willing its up to her to accept it if she wants it know.
its not nice to say but i would let her come to you know. why should you get upset by it?

Thanks, I know your right - my boyfriend has made feel worse saying I shouldn't have got involved and that she probably doesn't want a job. He has thought this all along.