First time sex - I can't relax

I've been with my boyfriend for almost nine months and we've tried to have sex a few times but every time we go to I tense up and we can't seem to be able to get past that point.

I love him very much, but I'm a virgin but as such I don't think it's an issue of it not being the right time - I do feel ready to. I just don't know why I can't relax in order for things to go as they should. Maybe it's because it's meant to hurt? It leaves me feeling quite useless and it must be frustrating for him, even though he tells me it's not.

Has anybody got a suggestion?

Reply 1

boom-gurl

Heya, I had EXACTLY the same problem.
I was scared it was going to hurt a lot, but what worked for me might work for you.. ask your boyfriend to talk to you- give you compliments and tell you how much he loves you, like as your getting to the crucial moment, it should make you feel good and you will relax. It only hurts if you tense up, and thats normal for the first time, but it only hurts for a few seconds, if that, but try the calming/ complimentary talking method- it might help.
:smile:

Reply 2

arminvanpite

14

A good amount of foreplay. :]

Reply 3

death.drop

16

i know lots of girls who it didn't hurt at all if that helps.
basically the more you worry the more it will hurt.

bloodredbeat is right about foreplay - can never have too much.
and this might be a bit *can't think of right word* but try not to let him finger you much beforehand because your bajingo is supposed to contract to fit whatever's inside. if it gets used to finger-width then it might hurt more when he goes for it...

i guess you just need to get as relaxed as you can, make sure you're alone in the house, choose a position you don't feel overly vulnerable in etc.

Reply 4

PhantomBoggler

death.drop

.......Your hoo ha is supposed to contract to fit whatever's inside. If it gets used to finger-width then it might hurt more when he goes for it...

Really??!!!
Do you have any links for this please? :smile:

Reply 5

death.drop

16

DrunknMonkey

Really??!!!
Do you have any links for this please? :smile:

lol i don't, you can probably find it online somewhere though.
i saw it on some sex show, this woman said her partners wang wasn't big enough and they advised her to use something really small first. she may have been a clueless idiot though to be fair.

Reply 6

fleur de lis

15

just a reminder that H&R isn't for giving sex tips.

Reply 7

SmilerNuts

15

Bajingo? :wtf?: Are we back in primary school or something? :s-smilie:

As for the foreplay thing - there is such a thing as too much.

Reply 8

sunshine_flowers

well if you drink, a bit of alcohol sometimes helps, just a bit to help you relax, not get blind drunk

Reply 9

Scarlett88

You are normal, there is a subconscious inside that is telling you your not ready.
Just take it slow and see how things pan out
If you love him, whats the rush?
x

Reply 10

bekahchu

14

"Bajingo" and "wang"???

LOLOLOLOLOL :biggrin:

As for the OP, have you thought about why you're so unrelaxed?
Is it just the pain you're worried about - because really, it doesn't hurt much, if at all unless you're really unlucky.
Think about it though, because you may find the problem stems deeper than that, maybe it's something from your past? that you're going to have to seriously talk to your boyfriend about? Maybe you just don't feel comfortable enough with him? (though I see you've been together 9 months)

Alternatively, next time you're together, don't even think about sex, just let things happen, because the more you think over and worry about it, the worse it'll get (unless you actually find a solution to it)

Hope that makes sense :s

And good luck =]

Reply 11

sprout.

It hurt for me the first time, but more like a 'burning' sensation/pain...if you get me.

But yeah, as people have said, relax, try and get in the mood for it, (home alone, candles, music etc - i know it sounds cheesy but it might work!)

Is your boyfriend a virgin too? Because if so, he might be feeling just as nervous as you are.

Reply 12

Jelkin

17

Try not to feel guilty about it because it's not your fault, not to mention that it will only make things worse. I don't want to pry but has your boyfriend put his fingers in there before? I don't like to contradict others' advice but it's probably a good idea if he does as this might hurt but it's a lot easier than going straight for the penis. My first time didn't really hurt at all because I'd kind of gotten over the pain thing through my boyfriend using his fingers. Also, it's easier to take it in stages with the fingers. It's not so bad.

First time sex - I can't relax

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