Lily Harper
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Before you berate me, I know how stupid I've been and what a terrible position I'm in so please don't tell me this more.

I'm in my second year at Barts and just found out I'm just over three months pregnant. I didn't have any missed periods and nothing else stood out as being particularly abnormal, which is why I didn't know. The father is another medical student who is my ex-boyfriend and we broke up before Christmas because neither of us were into the relationship anymore. Whilst it was an amicable split, I've told him about the pregnancy and now he's avoiding me. I've called him, messaged him, tried to get his flatmates to get him to speak to me and he just won't.

I don't know what to do, my parents live abroad, I don't have any close family I can talk to in this country, I'm all alone. I don't want to give up on my degree and this is going to jeopardise it and I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, not that I feel right deciding on anything without talking to the father either.

I'm in a horrible mess and just need someone to advise me on what to do
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HiArjiv
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I suggest talking to a doctor and seeking advice. Perhaps a teacher you trust?
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y.u.mad.bro?
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talk to a counceller. they can advise you on the best course of action.
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Poppy55
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You haven't been stupid at all, things like this happen
You can still continue with your degree while you're pregnant, call your parents ask for their help.
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Lily Harper
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(Original post by y.u.mad.bro?)
talk to a counceller. they can advise you on the best course of action.
(Original post by ecolier)
Sorry to hear about your situation. However, there has to be a student support service (or equivalent) at your University. Perhaps the first point of call?

Avoid directly going to your lecturers (as the first thing to do), go to your GP if you want to.
I know, this is probably what I should do. Do you have any idea what they will suggest I do?

(Original post by Poppy55)
You haven't been stupid at all, things like this happen
You can still continue with your degree while you're pregnant, call your parents ask for their help.
My parents will kill me and will either make me go home or will otherwise refuse to help me
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y.u.mad.bro?
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(Original post by Lily Harper)
My parents will kill me and will either make me go home or will otherwise refuse to help me
I am not exactly sure. either u can choose to keep the baby or it will have to go to foster care. Im surprised though that your parents will be mad because in this case they should be supportive.
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(Original post by Lily Harper)
Before you berate me, I know how stupid I've been and what a terrible position I'm in so please don't tell me this more.

I'm in my second year at Barts and just found out I'm just over three months pregnant. I didn't have any missed periods and nothing else stood out as being particularly abnormal, which is why I didn't know. The father is another medical student who is my ex-boyfriend and we broke up before Christmas because neither of us were into the relationship anymore. Whilst it was an amicable split, I've told him about the pregnancy and now he's avoiding me. I've called him, messaged him, tried to get his flatmates to get him to speak to me and he just won't.

I don't know what to do, my parents live abroad, I don't have any close family I can talk to in this country, I'm all alone. I don't want to give up on my degree and this is going to jeopardise it and I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, not that I feel right deciding on anything without talking to the father either.

I'm in a horrible mess and just need someone to advise me on what to do
How is it possible that you got your normal period but are pregnant? Are you sure your diagnosis was right? I heard that pregnancy test are not always right... anyways seek advice but continue to study whilst you can... your health is more important? Are you from UK? if not, is it possible for you to continue university in your hometown where your family lives?
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Lily Harper
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(Original post by y.u.mad.bro?)
I am not exactly sure. either u can choose to keep the baby or it will have to go to foster care. Im surprised though that your parents will be mad because in this case they should be supportive.
They are very conservative. It took enough convincing to get them to let me move away in the first place. And now look what I've done
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MKaur18
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(Original post by Lily Harper)
Before you berate me, I know how stupid I've been and what a terrible position I'm in so please don't tell me this more.

I'm in my second year at Barts and just found out I'm just over three months pregnant. I didn't have any missed periods and nothing else stood out as being particularly abnormal, which is why I didn't know. The father is another medical student who is my ex-boyfriend and we broke up before Christmas because neither of us were into the relationship anymore. Whilst it was an amicable split, I've told him about the pregnancy and now he's avoiding me. I've called him, messaged him, tried to get his flatmates to get him to speak to me and he just won't.

I don't know what to do, my parents live abroad, I don't have any close family I can talk to in this country, I'm all alone. I don't want to give up on my degree and this is going to jeopardise it and I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, not that I feel right deciding on anything without talking to the father either.

I'm in a horrible mess and just need someone to advise me on what to do
You need to think about whether you want to keep the baby or not? Make sure you have some sort of support even if it is only one person. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t seem to care. I hope you make the right decision and get advice from a GP, counsellor and let your lecturers know about your situation.

If you want to keep them baby, I advise you to tell your parents. I hope you can talk to your ex boyfriend face to face so he can help you out as well. Hope your ok xxxxx
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Lily Harper
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(Original post by ecolier)
They will give you advise and support, which none of us can here. They will evaluate with you the course structure and how likely you can continue (with your current year) or if you need to take time out (most likely). There may well be other things they can do, but I do not have much experience and you really must go to Student Suppot first as I am sure they have experience dealing with things like this.
Thank you, I really hope this is the case and I guess this is my next step. I'm just hoping my ex will come out of hiding at some point

(Original post by Anonymous)
How is it possible that you got your normal period but are pregnant? Are you sure your diagnosis was right? I heard that pregnancy test are not always right... anyways seek advice but continue to study whilst you can... your health is more important? Are you from UK? if not, is it possible for you to continue university in your hometown where your family lives?
You don't always lose your period. I had a blood test and am definitely pregnant. I'm technically a UK student but my immediate family doesn't live in the UK and I really don't want to move back home. That just isn't an option.
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Poppy55
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(Original post by Lily Harper)
I know, this is probably what I should do. Do you have any idea what they will suggest I do?



My parents will kill me and will either make me go home or will otherwise refuse to help me
Well, maybe your university will accommodate for your situation. There's plenty that go to university and are also mothers, you could continue until you have to leave to have the baby and then you could continue your degree from home. I've heard that's what some unis do.
Tell your teachers and they'll tell you what's to be done
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PoetryBlues
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Awh don't worry there will always be people to talk to who can help, you just need to look a bit harder for them sometimes. Like the people above have suggested, talk to a counselor or doctor or teacher, someone you can trust, and they should be able to give you some helpful and reassuring advice. Whilst it may seem like your education and career is over, it's most definitely not, and you've learnt a valuable lesson which will really grow and strengthen you as a person. Many people have been in your same position, and I'm sure many have them have turned out just fine. From experience, the saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' is very true, so for now even if you only feel like confiding in a couple of close friends, it will help.
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y.u.mad.bro?
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(Original post by Lily Harper)
They are very conservative. It took enough convincing to get them to let me move away in the first place. And now look what I've done
dont worry about it. There are people there to guide you. Hope for the best and good luck
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Lily Harper
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(Original post by MKaur18)
You need to think about whether you want to keep the baby or not? Make sure you have some sort of support even if it is only one person. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t seem to care. I hope you make the right decision and get advice from a GP, counsellor and let your lecturers know about your situation.

If you want to keep them baby, I advise you to tell your parents. I hope you can talk to your ex boyfriend face to face so he can help you out as well. Hope your ok xxxxx
In all honesty, I'm not ready to be a parent. I'm not in the right place and the support I would have would mean me having to give up everything I've worked for. But on the other hand, I have a baby growing in me, and a guy who I really believe should be part of the decision process, if if ultimately it is my choice that matters. But you're all right, I need to talk to my university's support services.
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ThymeTeasel
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So sorry you're going through this. I fell pregnant in my third year and withdrew from the course BUT I had some additional unusual circumstances in play. Don't assume that you can't do both. And talk to your student support team ASAP because I know from experience that everyone and his dog will try and convince you to terminate but student support will give you your ACTUAL options. You're going to hear a lot of "but how will you cope?" and "oh it's such a shame, you worked so hard to get here" blah blah blah and it's all crap. Yes it'll be tough, but anyone who says you can't do it and you have to terminate to complete the course can fight me! I actually know four people who became pregnant at med school. One took a year out, returned to the course, but found it too much and withdrew. One terminated and became so depressed and overwhelmed with regret that she came to despise med school and withdrew. The other two had their children and completed the course. Please speak to student support. You don't need the father's approval or support to continue the pregnancy. And please research late term terminations as much as you can bear because you need to understand the reality of a termination at your stage of pregnancy. I'm not trying to scare you or talk you into a decision one way or the other, I'm 100% pro choice, but what I am saying is that you mustn't look at a termination as a magic solution that makes everything go back the way it was. It's a serious physical event with far reaching emotional consequences. I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you, I swear I understand how you feel right now and it is terrifying and devastating and it feels like nothing will ever work out, like every option is wrong. But if any part of you thinks you want this baby then please think very very very carefully before terminating because I've seen it ruin peoples lives. My son is almost 2 now and although I have days where i regret not finishing med school I'd make the same choice again and again. Take care of yourself physically as well because 1st tri pregnancy is bloody exhausting and making any choices (let alone life changing ones) are incredibly hard. Talk to student support. Think hard about what you want. Don't let yourself be bullied or manipulated or scared into making a snap decision. And don't believe any one who tells you that you have to choose between your course and your pregnancy! Please pm me at any time (I'd offer to phone you but I live abroad atm!) Good luck!
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Lily Harper
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(Original post by Poppy55)
Well, maybe your university will accommodate for your situation. There's plenty that go to university and are also mothers, you could continue until you have to leave to have the baby and then you could continue your degree from home. I've heard that's what some unis do.
Tell your teachers and they'll tell you what's to be done
I don't know what I'm going to do but I hope I can make it work out like they all have.

(Original post by PoetryBlues)
Awh don't worry there will always be people to talk to who can help, you just need to look a bit harder for them sometimes. Like the people above have suggested, talk to a counselor or doctor or teacher, someone you can trust, and they should be able to give you some helpful and reassuring advice. Whilst it may seem like your education and career is over, it's most definitely not, and you've learnt a valuable lesson which will really grow and strengthen you as a person. Many people have been in your same position, and I'm sure many have them have turned out just fine. From experience, the saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' is very true, so for now even if you only feel like confiding in a couple of close friends, it will help.
Thank you

(Original post by y.u.mad.bro?)
dont worry about it. There are people there to guide you. Hope for the best and good luck
Thank you
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LouiseG90
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First thing I would do is speak to student services about any extensions or extenuating circumstance forms you can fill out. You should be entitled to extra time for submissions or exams because of the pregnancy. Also, I fell pregnant during my first year and decided to take a year out between my first and second. It’s tough studying with a child but possible.

If you want to make a decision regarding the pregnancy, and the father isn’t acknowledging you, then make the decision alone and for you. He’s quite clearly a raging ******** if he’s ignoring you since you told him and he needs to grow up quickly. You both caused this pregnancy and he’s acting like a child. If you want to keep the child, do so. If you don’t, then that’s a decision you need to make for your life only. If he’s like this now, his input isn’t going to benefit you whatsoever. When I told the father of my son, he immediately became involved and supported me 100%, which is what he should have done because it was both of our actions that caused it.

Don’t rush into anything. It’s a huge decision and I wouldn’t want you to regret anything down the line but please just know, it is entirely possible to continue a degree and get a good grade with a child.
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mariejuana
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abort it or put it up for adoption.
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Lily Harper
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(Original post by ThymeTeasel)
So sorry you're going through this. I fell pregnant in my third year and withdrew from the course BUT I had some additional unusual circumstances in play. Don't assume that you can't do both. And talk to your student support team ASAP because I know from experience that everyone and his dog will try and convince you to terminate but student support will give you your ACTUAL options. You're going to hear a lot of "but how will you cope?" and "oh it's such a shame, you worked so hard to get here" blah blah blah and it's all crap. Yes it'll be tough, but anyone who says you can't do it and you have to terminate to complete the course can fight me! I actually know four people who became pregnant at med school. One took a year out, returned to the course, but found it too much and withdrew. One terminated and became so depressed and overwhelmed with regret that she came to despise med school and withdrew. The other two had their children and completed the course. Please speak to student support. You don't need the father's approval or support to continue the pregnancy. And please research late term terminations as much as you can bear because you need to understand the reality of a termination at your stage of pregnancy. I'm not trying to scare you or talk you into a decision one way or the other, I'm 100% pro choice, but what I am saying is that you mustn't look at a termination as a magic solution that makes everything go back the way it was. It's a serious physical event with far reaching emotional consequences. I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you, I swear I understand how you feel right now and it is terrifying and devastating and it feels like nothing will ever work out, like every option is wrong. But if any part of you thinks you want this baby then please think very very very carefully before terminating because I've seen it ruin peoples lives. My son is almost 2 now and although I have days where i regret not finishing med school I'd make the same choice again and again. Take care of yourself physically as well because 1st tri pregnancy is bloody exhausting and making any choices (let alone life changing ones) are incredibly hard. Talk to student support. Think hard about what you want. Don't let yourself be bullied or manipulated or scared into making a snap decision. And don't believe any one who tells you that you have to choose between your course and your pregnancy! Please pm me at any time (I'd offer to phone you but I live abroad atm!) Good luck!
Thank you. I know this decision will be the most important of my life and I hope I make the right one and don't have deep regrets. Thank you for your kindness
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Poppy55
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(Original post by Lily Harper)
I don't know what I'm going to do but I hope I can make it work out like they all have.
I'm sure you can There's lots of ways to do everything nowadays
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