Anyone want to chat about eating disorder recovery and exchange recovery stories?
feeling like sharing
My sister had it, and it is incredibly hard to deal with as a family. My younger sister looked up to my older sister and still does, so she is very impressionable and often times you might find yourself worrying she will turn out the same way.
I would love to hear your story.
I've never felt like I've truly 'recovered', but I've definitely got a lot better than I used to be. It's difficult feeling like this will be a battle that will always be going on inside my head, even if I manage to act fairly healthily most of the time. But progress is better than nothing.
How are you?
I've never felt like I've truly 'recovered', but I've definitely got a lot better than I used to be. It's difficult feeling like this will be a battle that will always be going on inside my head, even if I manage to act fairly healthily most of the time. But progress is better than nothing.
How are you?
Original post by Anonymous
My sister had it, and it is incredibly hard to deal with as a family. My younger sister looked up to my older sister and still does, so she is very impressionable and often times you might find yourself worrying she will turn out the same way.
Yes, definitely agree that it doesn't just affect an individual but affects all who are influenced by the individual
Original post by Anonymous
I would love to hear your story.
I've never felt like I've truly 'recovered', but I've definitely got a lot better than I used to be. It's difficult feeling like this will be a battle that will always be going on inside my head, even if I manage to act fairly healthily most of the time. But progress is better than nothing.
How are you?
I've never felt like I've truly 'recovered', but I've definitely got a lot better than I used to be. It's difficult feeling like this will be a battle that will always be going on inside my head, even if I manage to act fairly healthily most of the time. But progress is better than nothing.
How are you?
that's good you've feeling better!!
I totally see where you're coming from; the mental effects of anorexia are so much harder to overcome than the physical symptoms and impacts.
I'm still on the recovery journey, and it has its ups and downs, but hopefully I'll be back to normal soon
How long did your recovery take so far? x
I don't really have an eating disorder but I did find food and my calorie intake good to control when I was also self-harming my friends said I could talk to them about it so did then I found out they were then trying to lose weight because they felt fat compared to me. that was the most horrible feeling in the world but It did motivate me to become a normal eater.
Original post by Anonymous
that's good you've feeling better!!
I totally see where you're coming from; the mental effects of anorexia are so much harder to overcome than the physical symptoms and impacts.
I'm still on the recovery journey, and it has its ups and downs, but hopefully I'll be back to normal soon
How long did your recovery take so far? x
I totally see where you're coming from; the mental effects of anorexia are so much harder to overcome than the physical symptoms and impacts.
I'm still on the recovery journey, and it has its ups and downs, but hopefully I'll be back to normal soon
How long did your recovery take so far? x
Definitely, and not having my body in the same place as my head is difficult too.
I've always had issues surrounding food so I can't really say when it started, but I've been recovering from various mental health problems for about four years, so I'd say that's the same.
I can remember a huge milestone for me was once saying yes to an offer from someone who offered me one of their crisps. I just took one without thinking too much and then afterwards I realised. It can be easy to think about it too much, especially when the problem is an obsession, but that one thing made me feel so positive like, actually I can do something normal and sociable like sharing a bit of food and not feel horrible for the rest of the day. Random memory but good feeling!
What about you - how long have you been in recovery?
I had disordered eating on and off for close to 10 years. It started with restricting, I lost about 2 stone over a few months. My intake progressively dropped to one small meal a day, I was up exercising during the night but I felt happy and in control.
Then, it all changed in the space of a few days. It was as if a switch had been flipped and I couldn't stop eating. I had no control over what I was doing - I remember shovelling chocolate, and noodles and fried eggs into my mouth and not being able to stop. I felt disgusted and horrified, yet I couldn't stop myself.
And so started the cycle of bingeing, followed by fasting and overexercising. I would not eat at all for 2-3 days at a time, push myself at the gym until I felt physically ill and the room was spinning so hard I couldn't walk; then would come the binge where I would eat thousands of calories in the space of a few hours. And then the cycle would repeat itself.
I felt miserable and worthless. I wouldn't look in the mirror and avoid looking at people in the hope that they wouldn't notice at me. I was self-harming. Thinking back to that time even now makes me feel disgusted and embarrassed. I was referred to CAMHS due to my low mood and self-harm but I never talked about the real reason why I was self-harming - I was far too ashamed.
Things got a little better when I started sixth form. I made a promise to myself that wouldn't let this ruin my chances of getting into university and made an effort to eat. I started to force myself to have at least something during every meal, even if it was just a piece of fruit or a weight watchers yoghurt. It was really hard and made me feel numb and took self-hatred to a new level but after a while it improved the binges and though they were happening almost every day, they were much smaller. And though my weight did go up initially, once my metabolism adjusted after a few weeks, it started to go down. By the end of sixth form, I felt like a different person - I was pretty much eating normally with just the occasional binge, I was more confident, I could look in the mirror without having to look away. I was still weighing myself several times a day and still waan't happy with the number, but it was not ruling my life to anywhere near the same extent.
In uni things were OK for the first year because I continued to force myself not to skip meals. I was still fighting that little voice in the back of my head telling me not to eat but I knew that if I started that again, things would easily spiral out of control.
They did eventually at the the end of 2nd year. Due to something that happened at the time, I went through a period of anxiety, which made it difficult for me to eat. I lost about a stone in a week, and this triggered a relapse. Cue restricting, bingeing and this time laxatives and purging as well, and a relapse of self-harm. After a few months, I really felt like I had reached rock bottom. I was up BPing until 3-4 am, daily. I knew I was damaging my body. I was depressed, I was exhausted, I felt helpless. I thought about asking for help for the first time. But for a number of reasons, it didn't feel like an option.
I don't want to go into details, but something happened around this time that made me realise how easily I could loose everything I cared about - my uni place, my future career, my family - because of the eating disorder. It scared me into fighting. It was hard, much harder this time, but I did it. I won't say that I don't ever binge any more - it does happen sometime. I just know how to deal with it without it turning into a relapse.
It is possible to overcome an ED. But it does require hard work and strong motivation. I didn't have much support at all IRL but knowing exactly why I was doing it kept me going. I knew I was truly over it when I started exercising purely for the health benefits and feel good factor rather than to burn calories. It felt so liberating. It's been a few years now and I'm at a point where I can tell people I've had an ED - when things were bad, not only did I feel like a fake even thinking I had it, but people finding out was the biggest taboo I could think of. I'm OK, I'm happy. And I wish lots of strength and self-belief to those currently trying to recover from their ED.
Then, it all changed in the space of a few days. It was as if a switch had been flipped and I couldn't stop eating. I had no control over what I was doing - I remember shovelling chocolate, and noodles and fried eggs into my mouth and not being able to stop. I felt disgusted and horrified, yet I couldn't stop myself.
And so started the cycle of bingeing, followed by fasting and overexercising. I would not eat at all for 2-3 days at a time, push myself at the gym until I felt physically ill and the room was spinning so hard I couldn't walk; then would come the binge where I would eat thousands of calories in the space of a few hours. And then the cycle would repeat itself.
I felt miserable and worthless. I wouldn't look in the mirror and avoid looking at people in the hope that they wouldn't notice at me. I was self-harming. Thinking back to that time even now makes me feel disgusted and embarrassed. I was referred to CAMHS due to my low mood and self-harm but I never talked about the real reason why I was self-harming - I was far too ashamed.
Things got a little better when I started sixth form. I made a promise to myself that wouldn't let this ruin my chances of getting into university and made an effort to eat. I started to force myself to have at least something during every meal, even if it was just a piece of fruit or a weight watchers yoghurt. It was really hard and made me feel numb and took self-hatred to a new level but after a while it improved the binges and though they were happening almost every day, they were much smaller. And though my weight did go up initially, once my metabolism adjusted after a few weeks, it started to go down. By the end of sixth form, I felt like a different person - I was pretty much eating normally with just the occasional binge, I was more confident, I could look in the mirror without having to look away. I was still weighing myself several times a day and still waan't happy with the number, but it was not ruling my life to anywhere near the same extent.
In uni things were OK for the first year because I continued to force myself not to skip meals. I was still fighting that little voice in the back of my head telling me not to eat but I knew that if I started that again, things would easily spiral out of control.
They did eventually at the the end of 2nd year. Due to something that happened at the time, I went through a period of anxiety, which made it difficult for me to eat. I lost about a stone in a week, and this triggered a relapse. Cue restricting, bingeing and this time laxatives and purging as well, and a relapse of self-harm. After a few months, I really felt like I had reached rock bottom. I was up BPing until 3-4 am, daily. I knew I was damaging my body. I was depressed, I was exhausted, I felt helpless. I thought about asking for help for the first time. But for a number of reasons, it didn't feel like an option.
I don't want to go into details, but something happened around this time that made me realise how easily I could loose everything I cared about - my uni place, my future career, my family - because of the eating disorder. It scared me into fighting. It was hard, much harder this time, but I did it. I won't say that I don't ever binge any more - it does happen sometime. I just know how to deal with it without it turning into a relapse.
It is possible to overcome an ED. But it does require hard work and strong motivation. I didn't have much support at all IRL but knowing exactly why I was doing it kept me going. I knew I was truly over it when I started exercising purely for the health benefits and feel good factor rather than to burn calories. It felt so liberating. It's been a few years now and I'm at a point where I can tell people I've had an ED - when things were bad, not only did I feel like a fake even thinking I had it, but people finding out was the biggest taboo I could think of. I'm OK, I'm happy. And I wish lots of strength and self-belief to those currently trying to recover from their ED.
I haven't been through any of this but I think its important to understand and have a specific cycle of thought in mind: this food is what i need for my body and brain to function so i should eat it.
Also try and avoid associating the food with any emotion just eat it because you need the food if that makes sense. I cannot do moderation at all its either the entire fridge or nothing. I do eat a lot so I can grow and I just like eating certain foods but I don't push myself to do anything. I save my favourite foods for when I deserve it and eat a clean diet every day.
Also try and avoid associating the food with any emotion just eat it because you need the food if that makes sense. I cannot do moderation at all its either the entire fridge or nothing. I do eat a lot so I can grow and I just like eating certain foods but I don't push myself to do anything. I save my favourite foods for when I deserve it and eat a clean diet every day.
Been dealing with it for the past 5 years...
Got down to a beautiful (sarcasm, it was ****) BMI of 10 and ended up in hospital a few times, had 2 cardiac arrests (what a blast!)
i'm at uni now and although things are still tough, i think i'm managing pretty well but idk if it will ever be truly gone.
I haven't had a period in 5 years, and yeah sometimes i worry that maybe i'll be infertile later in life because of all the **** i've put my body through.
Got down to a beautiful (sarcasm, it was ****) BMI of 10 and ended up in hospital a few times, had 2 cardiac arrests (what a blast!)
i'm at uni now and although things are still tough, i think i'm managing pretty well but idk if it will ever be truly gone.
I haven't had a period in 5 years, and yeah sometimes i worry that maybe i'll be infertile later in life because of all the **** i've put my body through.
Recovery from an eating disorder does not always occur when you are with a therapist or in a treatment program. The strains and stresses from eating disorders affect everyone around the clock. It is those moments when you don’t have an eating disorder specialist or counselor in front of you that are some of the most critical. Resources for eating disorder tips and self-help are emotional management, mentoring resources, coping skills, and other recovery advice to help you through an eating disorder.
Original post by Anonymous
I had disordered eating on and off for close to 10 years. It started with restricting, I lost about 2 stone over a few months. My intake progressively dropped to one small meal a day, I was up exercising during the night but I felt happy and in control.
Then, it all changed in the space of a few days. It was as if a switch had been flipped and I couldn't stop eating. I had no control over what I was doing - I remember shovelling chocolate, and noodles and fried eggs into my mouth and not being able to stop. I felt disgusted and horrified, yet I couldn't stop myself.
And so started the cycle of bingeing, followed by fasting and overexercising. I would not eat at all for 2-3 days at a time, push myself at the gym until I felt physically ill and the room was spinning so hard I couldn't walk; then would come the binge where I would eat thousands of calories in the space of a few hours. And then the cycle would repeat itself.
I felt miserable and worthless. I wouldn't look in the mirror and avoid looking at people in the hope that they wouldn't notice at me. I was self-harming. Thinking back to that time even now makes me feel disgusted and embarrassed. I was referred to CAMHS due to my low mood and self-harm but I never talked about the real reason why I was self-harming - I was far too ashamed.
Things got a little better when I started sixth form. I made a promise to myself that wouldn't let this ruin my chances of getting into university and made an effort to eat. I started to force myself to have at least something during every meal, even if it was just a piece of fruit or a weight watchers yoghurt. It was really hard and made me feel numb and took self-hatred to a new level but after a while it improved the binges and though they were happening almost every day, they were much smaller. And though my weight did go up initially, once my metabolism adjusted after a few weeks, it started to go down. By the end of sixth form, I felt like a different person - I was pretty much eating normally with just the occasional binge, I was more confident, I could look in the mirror without having to look away. I was still weighing myself several times a day and still waan't happy with the number, but it was not ruling my life to anywhere near the same extent.
In uni things were OK for the first year because I continued to force myself not to skip meals. I was still fighting that little voice in the back of my head telling me not to eat but I knew that if I started that again, things would easily spiral out of control.
They did eventually at the the end of 2nd year. Due to something that happened at the time, I went through a period of anxiety, which made it difficult for me to eat. I lost about a stone in a week, and this triggered a relapse. Cue restricting, bingeing and this time laxatives and purging as well, and a relapse of self-harm. After a few months, I really felt like I had reached rock bottom. I was up BPing until 3-4 am, daily. I knew I was damaging my body. I was depressed, I was exhausted, I felt helpless. I thought about asking for help for the first time. But for a number of reasons, it didn't feel like an option.
I don't want to go into details, but something happened around this time that made me realise how easily I could loose everything I cared about - my uni place, my future career, my family - because of the eating disorder. It scared me into fighting. It was hard, much harder this time, but I did it. I won't say that I don't ever binge any more - it does happen sometime. I just know how to deal with it without it turning into a relapse.
It is possible to overcome an ED. But it does require hard work and strong motivation. I didn't have much support at all IRL but knowing exactly why I was doing it kept me going. I knew I was truly over it when I started exercising purely for the health benefits and feel good factor rather than to burn calories. It felt so liberating. It's been a few years now and I'm at a point where I can tell people I've had an ED - when things were bad, not only did I feel like a fake even thinking I had it, but people finding out was the biggest taboo I could think of. I'm OK, I'm happy. And I wish lots of strength and self-belief to those currently trying to recover from their ED.
Then, it all changed in the space of a few days. It was as if a switch had been flipped and I couldn't stop eating. I had no control over what I was doing - I remember shovelling chocolate, and noodles and fried eggs into my mouth and not being able to stop. I felt disgusted and horrified, yet I couldn't stop myself.
And so started the cycle of bingeing, followed by fasting and overexercising. I would not eat at all for 2-3 days at a time, push myself at the gym until I felt physically ill and the room was spinning so hard I couldn't walk; then would come the binge where I would eat thousands of calories in the space of a few hours. And then the cycle would repeat itself.
I felt miserable and worthless. I wouldn't look in the mirror and avoid looking at people in the hope that they wouldn't notice at me. I was self-harming. Thinking back to that time even now makes me feel disgusted and embarrassed. I was referred to CAMHS due to my low mood and self-harm but I never talked about the real reason why I was self-harming - I was far too ashamed.
Things got a little better when I started sixth form. I made a promise to myself that wouldn't let this ruin my chances of getting into university and made an effort to eat. I started to force myself to have at least something during every meal, even if it was just a piece of fruit or a weight watchers yoghurt. It was really hard and made me feel numb and took self-hatred to a new level but after a while it improved the binges and though they were happening almost every day, they were much smaller. And though my weight did go up initially, once my metabolism adjusted after a few weeks, it started to go down. By the end of sixth form, I felt like a different person - I was pretty much eating normally with just the occasional binge, I was more confident, I could look in the mirror without having to look away. I was still weighing myself several times a day and still waan't happy with the number, but it was not ruling my life to anywhere near the same extent.
In uni things were OK for the first year because I continued to force myself not to skip meals. I was still fighting that little voice in the back of my head telling me not to eat but I knew that if I started that again, things would easily spiral out of control.
They did eventually at the the end of 2nd year. Due to something that happened at the time, I went through a period of anxiety, which made it difficult for me to eat. I lost about a stone in a week, and this triggered a relapse. Cue restricting, bingeing and this time laxatives and purging as well, and a relapse of self-harm. After a few months, I really felt like I had reached rock bottom. I was up BPing until 3-4 am, daily. I knew I was damaging my body. I was depressed, I was exhausted, I felt helpless. I thought about asking for help for the first time. But for a number of reasons, it didn't feel like an option.
I don't want to go into details, but something happened around this time that made me realise how easily I could loose everything I cared about - my uni place, my future career, my family - because of the eating disorder. It scared me into fighting. It was hard, much harder this time, but I did it. I won't say that I don't ever binge any more - it does happen sometime. I just know how to deal with it without it turning into a relapse.
It is possible to overcome an ED. But it does require hard work and strong motivation. I didn't have much support at all IRL but knowing exactly why I was doing it kept me going. I knew I was truly over it when I started exercising purely for the health benefits and feel good factor rather than to burn calories. It felt so liberating. It's been a few years now and I'm at a point where I can tell people I've had an ED - when things were bad, not only did I feel like a fake even thinking I had it, but people finding out was the biggest taboo I could think of. I'm OK, I'm happy. And I wish lots of strength and self-belief to those currently trying to recover from their ED.
It was great to read that you're doing so much better now. Even though I don't know you, I feel so proud of you.
My story is very similar to yours. The way things started, getting counselling but not discussing the real issues, and still not being able to tell people for fear of judgement - I still feel disgusting about everything I did and sometimes still do.
Do you have any advice on ways to fight against your thoughts and actions with little support? I'm finding it difficult to keep up motivation, especially at the moment, as I often don't feel worthy of looking after myself. It can be difficult for me to do the bare minimum like getting up, showering, and going to uni, so self-care and eating healthily are at the bottom of my list, even though I know they're the things that are going to help. If you do have any advice I would appreciate it.
Again, so happy for you that you're out of that horrible cycle.
Original post by Blooming Rose
I haven't been through any of this but I think its important to understand and have a specific cycle of thought in mind: this food is what i need for my body and brain to function so i should eat it.
Also try and avoid associating the food with any emotion just eat it because you need the food if that makes sense. I cannot do moderation at all its either the entire fridge or nothing. I do eat a lot so I can grow and I just like eating certain foods but I don't push myself to do anything. I save my favourite foods for when I deserve it and eat a clean diet every day.
Also try and avoid associating the food with any emotion just eat it because you need the food if that makes sense. I cannot do moderation at all its either the entire fridge or nothing. I do eat a lot so I can grow and I just like eating certain foods but I don't push myself to do anything. I save my favourite foods for when I deserve it and eat a clean diet every day.
The problem for me is that food is deeply associated with emotion for me. It always has been. When I'm stressed, tired, down, anxious, bored, or any other negative emotion (which is pretty much all the time), I'll turn to food in one way or another. I'm yet to find a positive coping mechanism that I can use in the same way - something that's easy to access, will take my mind off whatever's wrong, and that will give me the immediate relief that my negative coping mechanisms do.
I wish I could see food as fuel and nothing more, but I don't know how!
I have an eating disorder (anorexia binge-purge subtype). I struggle with other mental health issues that triggered it. I purged for a few years and then I started restricting more and more and it spiralled out of control, I lost a lot of weight and became very underweight and my CAMHS therapist referred me to the ED team. I was threatened with being pulled out of school and being admitted to hospital. Got put on a refeeding meal plan and now I’m weight restored. What helps me fight the ED the most is separating the ED from myself and sort of I guess picturing it as a monster, because really that’s what it is. It helps me realise that this isn’t normal and this isn’t good for me, that I need to fight it, and that it’s not me so I don’t need to listen to it. It also helps my mum because she can distinguish between what’s me and what’s anorexia’s doing, and I guess it helps her understand that this disorder is making me do things that the healthy me would never do. It helps her understand. Another thing that is helping is definitely family therapy so that my mum is better equipped to helping me and to dealing with the disorder’s resistance against her. Anorexia takes a toll on not just the sufferer, but the sufferer’s close family and friends too. It’s not just me that has to battle against the ED - it’s my mum too. Now that my mum knows what’s helpful to do and say, and now that she understands better the workings behind the disorder, she can help me better. Plus, she feels less frightened and confused too.
Something that I have yet to battle through is the emotional side of the illness, like the fear of eating in front of others, taking responsibility for my own eating (right now it’s my mum that handles my meals), and of course my views of my body and fear of gaining weight. Honestly I feel like this bit is a thousand times harder than the weight restoration bit.
Something that I have yet to battle through is the emotional side of the illness, like the fear of eating in front of others, taking responsibility for my own eating (right now it’s my mum that handles my meals), and of course my views of my body and fear of gaining weight. Honestly I feel like this bit is a thousand times harder than the weight restoration bit.
Yes I love hearing recovery stories!
I've been in recovery about 4 months now (form the most recent release) and honestly I'm so happy I've managed to stick through it so far
I developed anorexia about a year ago properly (typical and restriction) and its funny really because I always thought I'd never even have an ed oops... But it was only in November where it was basically either you start recovery and gaining weight and keeping in school, or its residential = no graduation = probably no uni in September.
I thought I'd struggle with weight restoration the most (and hah I do its a *****) but really what I struggle with is youre ed making you need to live up to youre diagnosis? Like I feel like I cant eat in front of anyone who knows because then I'll be a fake... on the other hand my life has gotten so much better since I've started weight restoration, battling fear foods ect honestly anyone please start recovery you're really not going to regret it!
I've been in recovery about 4 months now (form the most recent release) and honestly I'm so happy I've managed to stick through it so far
I developed anorexia about a year ago properly (typical and restriction) and its funny really because I always thought I'd never even have an ed oops... But it was only in November where it was basically either you start recovery and gaining weight and keeping in school, or its residential = no graduation = probably no uni in September.
I thought I'd struggle with weight restoration the most (and hah I do its a *****) but really what I struggle with is youre ed making you need to live up to youre diagnosis? Like I feel like I cant eat in front of anyone who knows because then I'll be a fake... on the other hand my life has gotten so much better since I've started weight restoration, battling fear foods ect honestly anyone please start recovery you're really not going to regret it!
Original post by ajshaw
Yes I love hearing recovery stories!
I've been in recovery about 4 months now (form the most recent release) and honestly I'm so happy I've managed to stick through it so far
I developed anorexia about a year ago properly (typical and restriction) and its funny really because I always thought I'd never even have an ed oops... But it was only in November where it was basically either you start recovery and gaining weight and keeping in school, or its residential = no graduation = probably no uni in September.
I thought I'd struggle with weight restoration the most (and hah I do its a *****) but really what I struggle with is youre ed making you need to live up to youre diagnosis? Like I feel like I cant eat in front of anyone who knows because then I'll be a fake... on the other hand my life has gotten so much better since I've started weight restoration, battling fear foods ect honestly anyone please start recovery you're really not going to regret it!
I've been in recovery about 4 months now (form the most recent release) and honestly I'm so happy I've managed to stick through it so far
I developed anorexia about a year ago properly (typical and restriction) and its funny really because I always thought I'd never even have an ed oops... But it was only in November where it was basically either you start recovery and gaining weight and keeping in school, or its residential = no graduation = probably no uni in September.
I thought I'd struggle with weight restoration the most (and hah I do its a *****) but really what I struggle with is youre ed making you need to live up to youre diagnosis? Like I feel like I cant eat in front of anyone who knows because then I'll be a fake... on the other hand my life has gotten so much better since I've started weight restoration, battling fear foods ect honestly anyone please start recovery you're really not going to regret it!
The best way out is always through!
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