School, Home, Work, Depressed etc. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
#1
Hello. I'm anonymous because I have friends that use this forum and although they know how I feel, I'd rather they didn't read this.

I'm just finding it all at bit too much.

I'm head girl at school, I got near straight As last year and worked really hard, am *hopefully* going to study law at uni in September( I have 3 unconditionals but i'm waiting to hear back from my first choice) I work 16 hours a week in my job. That's my life on paper but i'm just struggling.

I got hauled into the head teacher's office today and was told I wasn't a good role model for students and that needed to change or they would withdraw the UCAS reference I had, which was really good.
They said this was mainly because I wasn't pulling my weight, which is completely untrue.
My self and the head boy have a partnership, there's kind of an unspoken rule that I do the behind the scenes stuff and he does the going about organising stuff ie: if we have to give a speech to the school I write it and he sorts out the microphones etc. This is fine. But it's obviously lead to me not doing enough to visably look like i'm pulling my weight. I've tried explaining this but it doesn't get through to the heads of school.
They are using the fact that I was off for an HOUR AND A HALF of a workshop we were holding last week because I had my LNAT the next day and had been off sick as an example of this, even though I had planned and written the whole 2 hour session on the Holocaust.

As for my subjects, I got what I need grade wise last year so there's no great need for me to do amazingly in my advanced highers so i'm not working as hard as I did last year. Although various people leave school/skive/generally arse around it's me who gets the screaming at for not doing enough. I just don't have the motivation, and given everything else that's going on and all the stuff i'm doing for head girl/personal stuff I just don't have so much time. I find some things UIstudy fascinating, but the thought of writing a dissertation or sitting an exam just seems impossible to me.

I just seem to be really down, everyone including the teachers says I wasn't who I was last year. My Dad is an alcoholic and I don't live with him, but I have a 2 year old brother who does and 1. I'm worried is autistic, the doctor is sending him to a child psychologist because his speech is not developing right and 2. I can see how my Dad is messing up my brothers life like he did mine as a child. Also I'm finding it difficult to cope with that he is potentially killing hiself. I love him too much.

I find it increasingly difficult to go out with friends, i'm really withdrawing myself. I have always been the 'life and soul' but now whenever I go out I am so tired and down I just want to go home.
On new year and had to leave the party at 2am to go and cry on my own for 15 minutes about god knows what. I seem to cry at everything. I cried all the way home from work the other night because boys in the street were throwing chips at eachother and one almost hit me, wtf? I can see it affecting every area of my life, I can't give my all with my friends, my family, school, head girl, anything.

I don't feel me, and I just don't have anything that's making me happy any more. It's been going on too long.

Please someone help.
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MSB
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#2
Report 11 years ago
#2
I think you shouldn't think you have to be the "life and soul". It's a completely irrelevant role to even consider.

It seems to me that you should remember yourself: what I mean is think about what your good qualities are, what your faults are and how you could improve on them, what you like to do, what you don't like to do, which people make you happy and which people make you sad. I believe that your problem lies in a confusion of priorities. But that's not particularly insightful of me to say so, since that's the cause of most.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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I find it difficult to know what makes me happy, there's too many obligations.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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I can see your point though, I really just feel confused. Thank you for replying, it's good to know someone is listening.
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MSB
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#5
Report 11 years ago
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It doesn't take much effort to post back.

But it seems the difficulties you're having are too wide to be explained or answered in a thread like this.
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mermania
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#6
Report 11 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I got hauled into the head teacher's office today and was told I wasn't a good role model for students and that needed to change or they would withdraw the UCAS reference I had, which was really good.
tell them to **** off and stop being ******.
they'd never do it anyway. if they did you'd probably have a good case for taking it to some kind of education governing body or even court.
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