I have always wondered whats wrong with me.
Hey,
I will book a doctors appointment and explicitly say I want a diagnosis because last time he told me to eat, sleep and have a support system and him telling me to do those things didn't have an impact.
My childhood: I was racially bullied, failure was a norm, embarrassing my family was a norm, I craved attention, felt indifferent to others, I loved to show off and I didn't do well at making or keeping friends.
Secondary school: Felt ugly/undatable for being brown, my peers would describe me as awkward, I would behave differently on purpose for attention, I'd lie to sound more interesting, I would push people away, showed self sabotage traits, took things personally, noticed I was being treated differently because I was different.
NCS: I became the most popular and appreciated person very quickly and then people started to see the awkwardness, attention cravings, pushing people away so then i rapidly declined in popularity.
Sixthform: Very anxious and paranoid about what people thought of me based on my past behavior such as the theft, lies, drama and loss of friends. I isolated myself and focused on my work to end up failing socially and academically.
College: New place new faces and I started so well I was focused, motivated, admired for my work ethic, I had friends with international students and then went on to turn my EECD to AABB. The next year my work ethic was still great but then I felt I lonely, socially inept and I got really down, unmotivated and dropped to finish with BBBC, went through clearing and got the course I wanted.
1st year: I started the year rising to popularity, throwing parties, knowing everyone on campus, really enjoying myself and then got in a toxic relationship with a sociopath, very embarrassed to even face people who knew of it, I still feel paranoid of what people may think of it. The relationship caused me to lose a lot of my friends. I finished the year with 72%.
2nd year: I started the year anxious to the point i could not sleep during the night because of my past relationship, i couldn't face being out there, i was still embarrassed, I was scared that everyone believes the sociopath, my attendance dropped significantly, with only two friends one of them became my girlfriend the other turned out to be a toxic sociopath. The girlfriend went back home to her country across the world and we stayed committed, After she left I became very negative in February. Very stressed about my exams to the point I would starve myself for over a day, sleep on the floor, I felt even more stressed after my exams, I was seeking help from counselling and doctors, I was then extremely unproductive after exams I had tasks to do but cba. Then my favourite job in the summer which I am very good at would put me into a breakdown each sunday night. The only times i was positive was during my work and meeting up with my girlfriend.
3rd year: I start the year with 0 friends and my gf is far away. I start off productive. Then I have sleeping problems again and I seek professional help to fix it. Took me two months to fix it. November I became very negative, then December stressed about everything, frustrated with my academic progress I was attending more lecture than 1st and 2nd year combine but not enough. I thought I turned a new leaf this january but 8 days in I have a melt down because I am failing to answer any of my exam questions for both exams and I have no one to ask help from.
Bare in mind I have had like 10 roles at uni, I am well known, I am a president of a society and an exec of a sports team. Yet I have failed to secure friends on my course let alone everywhere else. I am the sort to approach strangers and try be there friend, impress them with magic tricks, football knowledge, intellectual mind ...etc
My main problem is no matter how many times i hit the reset button and convince myself that I will improve and get a grip on life I fail. Then go back to things like:
I will book a doctors appointment and explicitly say I want a diagnosis because last time he told me to eat, sleep and have a support system and him telling me to do those things didn't have an impact.
My childhood: I was racially bullied, failure was a norm, embarrassing my family was a norm, I craved attention, felt indifferent to others, I loved to show off and I didn't do well at making or keeping friends.
Secondary school: Felt ugly/undatable for being brown, my peers would describe me as awkward, I would behave differently on purpose for attention, I'd lie to sound more interesting, I would push people away, showed self sabotage traits, took things personally, noticed I was being treated differently because I was different.
NCS: I became the most popular and appreciated person very quickly and then people started to see the awkwardness, attention cravings, pushing people away so then i rapidly declined in popularity.
Sixthform: Very anxious and paranoid about what people thought of me based on my past behavior such as the theft, lies, drama and loss of friends. I isolated myself and focused on my work to end up failing socially and academically.
College: New place new faces and I started so well I was focused, motivated, admired for my work ethic, I had friends with international students and then went on to turn my EECD to AABB. The next year my work ethic was still great but then I felt I lonely, socially inept and I got really down, unmotivated and dropped to finish with BBBC, went through clearing and got the course I wanted.
1st year: I started the year rising to popularity, throwing parties, knowing everyone on campus, really enjoying myself and then got in a toxic relationship with a sociopath, very embarrassed to even face people who knew of it, I still feel paranoid of what people may think of it. The relationship caused me to lose a lot of my friends. I finished the year with 72%.
2nd year: I started the year anxious to the point i could not sleep during the night because of my past relationship, i couldn't face being out there, i was still embarrassed, I was scared that everyone believes the sociopath, my attendance dropped significantly, with only two friends one of them became my girlfriend the other turned out to be a toxic sociopath. The girlfriend went back home to her country across the world and we stayed committed, After she left I became very negative in February. Very stressed about my exams to the point I would starve myself for over a day, sleep on the floor, I felt even more stressed after my exams, I was seeking help from counselling and doctors, I was then extremely unproductive after exams I had tasks to do but cba. Then my favourite job in the summer which I am very good at would put me into a breakdown each sunday night. The only times i was positive was during my work and meeting up with my girlfriend.
3rd year: I start the year with 0 friends and my gf is far away. I start off productive. Then I have sleeping problems again and I seek professional help to fix it. Took me two months to fix it. November I became very negative, then December stressed about everything, frustrated with my academic progress I was attending more lecture than 1st and 2nd year combine but not enough. I thought I turned a new leaf this january but 8 days in I have a melt down because I am failing to answer any of my exam questions for both exams and I have no one to ask help from.
Bare in mind I have had like 10 roles at uni, I am well known, I am a president of a society and an exec of a sports team. Yet I have failed to secure friends on my course let alone everywhere else. I am the sort to approach strangers and try be there friend, impress them with magic tricks, football knowledge, intellectual mind ...etc
My main problem is no matter how many times i hit the reset button and convince myself that I will improve and get a grip on life I fail. Then go back to things like:
•
•
- Starving myself.
•
- Excessive sleep.
•
- Taking too long to sleep.
•
- Awful sleep problems.
•
- Addiction to porn & masturbation.
•
- Sleeping on the floor.
•
- Crave sympathy.
•
- Self-isolation.
•
- Dwell on the past.
•
- Melancholic temperament.
•
- Low self-esteem.
•
- Self-fulfilling prophecies.
•
- Find it hard to accept reality.
•
- Making myself the victim when I make a mistake.
•
- Negative self-fulfilling prophecy.
•
- Very self-absorbed lack of care of other people feelings.
•
- All or nothing thinking.
•
- See a negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat.
•
- Spot the negative detail and dwell on it until the entire vision is negative.
•
- Maintain my negative belief rejecting any positive experiences.
•
- Jumping to negative conclusions.
•
- Making assumptions without facts such as mind reading.
•
- Anticipate things to turn out badly.
•
- Exaggerate the importance of things.
•
- I feel “I should… or must…” then feel worse about myself.
•
- Assign negative labels to myself.
•
- I don’t take criticism well.
•
- Hold grudges when told off.
•
- Outbursts of anger fuelled from frustration.
•
- Socially awkward.
•
- Very irritable.
•
- Lack of energy.
•
- Self-loathing.
•
- Apologise for minor mistakes outside of my control.
•
- Focus and recall the negative times easier.
•
- Envious of others.
•
- Self-pity.
•
- Addicted to escapes and comfort.
•
- Loneliness.
•
- Invisible.
•
- Self-sabotage.
•
- Feeling helpless.
•
- Feeling behind, lacking a grip on life and unable to do the small things.
•
- Lacking motivation, drive and energy.
•
- Feeling like a failure, embarrassment and disappointment.
If you got to here and read 50% of what I written I am impressed, thank you any suggestions?
I think you need to see a psychiatrist rather than a GP, if you’re thinking you have mental health problems. It’s not as simple as ‘asking for a diagnosis”. You don’t fill out a form and get a clear answer. Explain all this stuff to your gp and ask for a psych referral. GP’s can help if they’re good but if you want proper treatment then you need to see a therapist/psych. Your gp is your door into this, ask for information and contacts and what options you have for treatment.
Original post by Obsidian440
Hey,
I will book a doctors appointment and explicitly say I want a diagnosis because last time he told me to eat, sleep and have a support system and him telling me to do those things didn't have an impact.
My childhood: I was racially bullied, failure was a norm, embarrassing my family was a norm, I craved attention, felt indifferent to others, I loved to show off and I didn't do well at making or keeping friends.
Secondary school: Felt ugly/undatable for being brown, my peers would describe me as awkward, I would behave differently on purpose for attention, I'd lie to sound more interesting, I would push people away, showed self sabotage traits, took things personally, noticed I was being treated differently because I was different.
NCS: I became the most popular and appreciated person very quickly and then people started to see the awkwardness, attention cravings, pushing people away so then i rapidly declined in popularity.
Sixthform: Very anxious and paranoid about what people thought of me based on my past behavior such as the theft, lies, drama and loss of friends. I isolated myself and focused on my work to end up failing socially and academically.
College: New place new faces and I started so well I was focused, motivated, admired for my work ethic, I had friends with international students and then went on to turn my EECD to AABB. The next year my work ethic was still great but then I felt I lonely, socially inept and I got really down, unmotivated and dropped to finish with BBBC, went through clearing and got the course I wanted.
1st year: I started the year rising to popularity, throwing parties, knowing everyone on campus, really enjoying myself and then got in a toxic relationship with a sociopath, very embarrassed to even face people who knew of it, I still feel paranoid of what people may think of it. The relationship caused me to lose a lot of my friends. I finished the year with 72%.
2nd year: I started the year anxious to the point i could not sleep during the night because of my past relationship, i couldn't face being out there, i was still embarrassed, I was scared that everyone believes the sociopath, my attendance dropped significantly, with only two friends one of them became my girlfriend the other turned out to be a toxic sociopath. The girlfriend went back home to her country across the world and we stayed committed, After she left I became very negative in February. Very stressed about my exams to the point I would starve myself for over a day, sleep on the floor, I felt even more stressed after my exams, I was seeking help from counselling and doctors, I was then extremely unproductive after exams I had tasks to do but cba. Then my favourite job in the summer which I am very good at would put me into a breakdown each sunday night. The only times i was positive was during my work and meeting up with my girlfriend.
3rd year: I start the year with 0 friends and my gf is far away. I start off productive. Then I have sleeping problems again and I seek professional help to fix it. Took me two months to fix it. November I became very negative, then December stressed about everything, frustrated with my academic progress I was attending more lecture than 1st and 2nd year combine but not enough. I thought I turned a new leaf this january but 8 days in I have a melt down because I am failing to answer any of my exam questions for both exams and I have no one to ask help from.
Bare in mind I have had like 10 roles at uni, I am well known, I am a president of a society and an exec of a sports team. Yet I have failed to secure friends on my course let alone everywhere else. I am the sort to approach strangers and try be there friend, impress them with magic tricks, football knowledge, intellectual mind ...etc
My main problem is no matter how many times i hit the reset button and convince myself that I will improve and get a grip on life I fail. Then go back to things like:
I will book a doctors appointment and explicitly say I want a diagnosis because last time he told me to eat, sleep and have a support system and him telling me to do those things didn't have an impact.
My childhood: I was racially bullied, failure was a norm, embarrassing my family was a norm, I craved attention, felt indifferent to others, I loved to show off and I didn't do well at making or keeping friends.
Secondary school: Felt ugly/undatable for being brown, my peers would describe me as awkward, I would behave differently on purpose for attention, I'd lie to sound more interesting, I would push people away, showed self sabotage traits, took things personally, noticed I was being treated differently because I was different.
NCS: I became the most popular and appreciated person very quickly and then people started to see the awkwardness, attention cravings, pushing people away so then i rapidly declined in popularity.
Sixthform: Very anxious and paranoid about what people thought of me based on my past behavior such as the theft, lies, drama and loss of friends. I isolated myself and focused on my work to end up failing socially and academically.
College: New place new faces and I started so well I was focused, motivated, admired for my work ethic, I had friends with international students and then went on to turn my EECD to AABB. The next year my work ethic was still great but then I felt I lonely, socially inept and I got really down, unmotivated and dropped to finish with BBBC, went through clearing and got the course I wanted.
1st year: I started the year rising to popularity, throwing parties, knowing everyone on campus, really enjoying myself and then got in a toxic relationship with a sociopath, very embarrassed to even face people who knew of it, I still feel paranoid of what people may think of it. The relationship caused me to lose a lot of my friends. I finished the year with 72%.
2nd year: I started the year anxious to the point i could not sleep during the night because of my past relationship, i couldn't face being out there, i was still embarrassed, I was scared that everyone believes the sociopath, my attendance dropped significantly, with only two friends one of them became my girlfriend the other turned out to be a toxic sociopath. The girlfriend went back home to her country across the world and we stayed committed, After she left I became very negative in February. Very stressed about my exams to the point I would starve myself for over a day, sleep on the floor, I felt even more stressed after my exams, I was seeking help from counselling and doctors, I was then extremely unproductive after exams I had tasks to do but cba. Then my favourite job in the summer which I am very good at would put me into a breakdown each sunday night. The only times i was positive was during my work and meeting up with my girlfriend.
3rd year: I start the year with 0 friends and my gf is far away. I start off productive. Then I have sleeping problems again and I seek professional help to fix it. Took me two months to fix it. November I became very negative, then December stressed about everything, frustrated with my academic progress I was attending more lecture than 1st and 2nd year combine but not enough. I thought I turned a new leaf this january but 8 days in I have a melt down because I am failing to answer any of my exam questions for both exams and I have no one to ask help from.
Bare in mind I have had like 10 roles at uni, I am well known, I am a president of a society and an exec of a sports team. Yet I have failed to secure friends on my course let alone everywhere else. I am the sort to approach strangers and try be there friend, impress them with magic tricks, football knowledge, intellectual mind ...etc
My main problem is no matter how many times i hit the reset button and convince myself that I will improve and get a grip on life I fail. Then go back to things like:
•
If you got to here and read 50% of what I written I am impressed, thank you any suggestions?
Hi there. I'll be honest, I did not read all of that- my brain is just not capable of that right now. From what I did read though I can tell you're having some rather complicated issues. I agree that seeing your GP and trying to be more assertive about what comes from it is a great idea. I would see if you can get to see a psychiatrist though. As Cat said they are more experienced than GPs and will be able to have a better understanding of yu and how to help you.
That can take a while to come through so in the meantime I would see if you can get some counselling or therapy (you can access counselling through school etc and therapy through NHS). Even just talking through things can be a help.
I would also try to get a reasonable amount of food, drink and sleep. You don't have to push yourself too much, just what you can. You're trying to keep yourself as well as possible, not fix yourself- that's what the doctor stuff is for.
I hope that helps. Good luck with your appointment. It might help to write things down and book a double appointment to make sure you can cover everything you want to.
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