I cheated - but I’m all she’s got

I’ve been with my girlfriend happily for just over a year now. I’m only 19 so things aren’t that serious but we are still in a committed relationship. A while back I had too much to drink and ended up sleeping with a girl from work. It wasn’t for long as a mate of mine came in and interrupted. I haven’t told her as she has had a very difficult upbringing and I feel as if I were to tell her now she would be completely destroyed - I’m all she’s got. We’ve spoken about cheating before many times and have agreed how awful it is. Im so ashamed I would do this and It won’t happen again but I don’t know what to do? Am I protecting her by not saying anything?

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Reply 1

username3585844

Original post by Anonymous

Well you're safe so long as you and your mate can keep a secret. It's probably best to push it aside and let bygones be bygones if you wish for your relationship to continue. It was only under the influence of alcohol and maybe it was a step too far, but it could've been much more serious. So long as you remain loyal to her and never cheat again then there's no reason why your relationship can't work.

Reply 2

uberteknik

"Too much to drink." Almost as clichéd as "It meant nothing".

You did it once and proved you are capable of doing it again.

Don't patronise the girl and stay with her giving false hope because you feel guilty and pity her.

Yes, you are despicable. You created the mess. You have to clean it up. The only way you can salvage this is by confessing and letting her make the decision to forgive you or not.

Anything else is not protecting her. It's your cowardly way of controlling her and selfishly protecting yourself.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 3

username2393237

Your girlfriend is obviously vulnerable, but you are most definitely not all she has - she just needs a bit of confidence. You need to be honest with her because you owe her that much; it ill eat you up if you don't say anything.

Reply 4

UgandanKnuckles

Original post by Anonymous

completely destroyed - I’m all she’s got. /QUOTE]

right so basically you're just wrong, you aren't all shes got. Tool.

Reply 5

LouiseG90

You’re a revolting person who’s done a disgusting thing to someone you profess to love. And you said yourself, it was only cut short because you were interrupted, not because you suddenly saw the light and realised that you’re scum.

Tell her. She deserves to know the kind of person you are and make the decision whether to continue the relationship. You’re not keeping it quiet to protect her. If her feelings were a priority, you wouldn’t have got yourself into this situation in the first place. You’re only trying to keep yourself out of trouble by keeping it quiet.

I hope she leaves you and finds sincere happiness with someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated.

Reply 6

doodle_333

I would say no. She could find out by accident. You could cheat again (since you got away with it). If you were to be together for 10 years would you honestly just keep lying to her? I would break up with her. She can do better than you.

Reply 7

Tiger Rag

And if she finds out, then what?

Reply 8

A321

You make out like its not your fault. Man the hell up and tell her the truth. I'm certain she'd rather have no one than a cheater by her side!

Reply 9

A321

Original post by iTzYoBoY

could've been more serious? like what? I dont think there's anything worse than cheating in a relationship.

Reply 10

bones-mccoy

If you have any respect left for your girlfriend, you need to tell her. Yes, she'll be upset, yes, she'll be heartbroken, but it's best to tell her now rather than let the secret drag on for ages and let her continue being in a relationship based on lies. She needs good, decent people in her life, people who will value her and treat her well. Let her find these people.

Reply 11

xshannon_heslopx

honestly something worse than being unfaithful in a relationship is lying. She deserves so much better than this. You cannot blame your act on "having too much to drink". That's just pinning the blame onto something else other than your stupidity to make it seem as if you didn't do anything wrong. She can sure as hell do better than you. Saying "I cheated - bit I'm all she's got" just sounds like you're saying "without me she is nothing". You need to tell her and sore this out. You'll be lucky if she forgives you.

Reply 12

MagicJigsaw

Don’t tell her and don’t do it again. Even relationship experts (like the ones you see in agony aunt sections) say that confession is the worst thing you can do because it’s going to cause a lot of hurt for you both - she’s upset because she’s found out and you’re upset because you’ve probably ended the relationship. Why cause all the hurt and heartbreak because of some vague notion that telling her somehow means you respect her more? If you respect her, show it through your actions not words and don’t cheat on her again.

Reply 13

_Nyx_

You did wrong and I think you know it since you said you feel ashamed. The one thing you can do now to try to put it right is to tell her the truth. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it's kinder to keep it hidden, it happened, you broke her trust. She now deserves to be able to decide what to do with that knowledge. Wouldn't you prefer to know if someone you cared for betrayed you?

You're young and you did a stupid thing, so now's the time to take the mature approach and own up to your actions and take the consequences. Hopefully you will learn from seeing her reaction why you should consider other's feelings before you act. If you tell her or not, I'd also advise you to get a checkup at a sexual health clinic before considering sleeping with your girlfriend to be sure that you have not picked up anything. Please learn from this and do not make it a habit.

Reply 14

nevemarie17

I'd say tell her. Give her a chance to move on and find someone who's going to respect her and treat her properly. You clearly can't give her what she deserves if you're even considering keeping this from her - all relationships need respect to work and you'll find she really struggles to respect you after that tbh

Reply 15

cheesecakelove

I think you are doing the worse thing by not telling her. You might think it is right because it will save your girlfriend from harm, but it will do more harm in the long run, especially if the truth comes out and after everything you have discussed about how wrong cheating is. Do you not think you owe it to her to be honest and respect her as a person?

Reply 16

username3713130

Choosing to drink too much is a choice so I'd hardly use that as an excuse. You can either; continue the relationship and try to suppress the cheating or do the right thing and be honest with her. If you're a decent person you'll go for the second option.

Reply 17

Art_o'brien

I'm sure men cant get their **** up when their drunk out of their mind, let alone have intercourse. So you mustn't have been that drunk to have cheated, you knew what you were doing and who's to say you won't do it again, with the same excuse. Don't use drinking as an excuse and take responsibility. Tell her, she deserves better

Reply 18

UWS

None of what you said in that post is sincere, using excuses like you were drunk or you're all she has blah blah blah, spare us the waterworks. She deserves to know because you've ruined that trust by acting extremely foolish.