Not sure if I am enjoying university... Watch
- → My campus is isolated from the rest of the city, meaning I have to get a near hour long bus if I want to go shopping, and my society is mainly based there. Also, the nearest town that has a train station that goes directly to my home city takes 2 buses and a lot of walking to get to. This not only takes a toll on my finances every week due to the high cost of fares, but it means that going home for a weekend or holidays is always a struggle. I do have a job, but the amount I get paid is measly compared to what I need to sustain my money troubles.
- → I moved to a uni that is a long-ish way from home (about 2 and a half hours on the train) and knowing me as a person, I feel very isolated as I don't have as much contact with my family due to the distance, which has exacerbated my already high anxiety, and its one of the reasons why I've felt so down ever since coming back after the holidays.
- → Related to the last point, my flatmates, while fairly nice and well intentioned people, don't talk to me a lot? I am extremely introverted and shy around other people (may explain the silent treatment), especially since I haven't known them that long, and when they have people over, I dread going into the kitchen to make even a cup of tea because I get so anxious. On top of that, there is one girl who insists on having people over every other night for parties (approx. 20 ish people - like, who even has that many friends???), and it has kept me, and the people above us, up at night and generally causes tensions in the flat - one reason I'm glad my class went to Spain during the worst of it! On another note, they barely tidy up their messes in the kitchen, such as dirty bowls and half eaten food (party girl is responsible for this apparently), and I've had to ragequit and do it myself a few times. I do plan on speaking to them about the state they leave the kitchen, and the noise.
- → My flat is in a not great condition. Our flat is one of the flats that hasn't been renovated yet and so we were laundered with the horribly maintained oven, microwave and fridges, and my actual room is in a state of disrepair; my ensuite shower makes horrendous noises when the light turns on, I recently had to have people come in to fix my window which had a terrible draft coming through, and my room is still freezing due to the crap radiator, and my blinds have been falling apart for a while now. There are other things that have happened to the whole flat as well as my room, such as 2 power cuts within the space of 2 weeks, and a massive water leak from the above flat, leaving our electricity off for a week. This might just be mild inconveniences but we pay the same as the renovated accommodation, which is too much for what it is now.
so, tl;dr, I am lonely, anxious, depressed, living in an expensive but poorly maintained flat, I'm miles away from home (my second choice university was an hour away, significantly better than here), and my only friend is one who I can also barely see as she lives 5 hours away. I can see the positive side of my situation; I am on a lovely campus, my lectures are engaging and I am performing quite well academically, and my lecturers have been nothing but friendly and supportive.
I do want to carry out my degree, it's the one thing I set my heart on during sixth form, but I feel like here isn't the best place to do it. I do have a couple of options; stay and gruel on with my current situation or drop out and reapply to my second choice in a few months or next year. Like I said though, I really, REALLY want to carry on with my degree, but I just don't think, in my general state of mind, and evaluating my surroundings, I'm just not ready. Please feel free to suggest any advice, or give me a kick up the arse and tell me to just get on with it lmao
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