Feeling trapped in a friendship with my exWatch
Then she went to Greece on a family holiday for 2 weeks and we had no contact, that was extremely hard for me because I had so many questions regarding the asexuality that I hadn't asked her yet. Anyway, she finally came back, and was acting weird via text. It took another week before she would let me actually see her again, and she told me she "discovered" that she was also aromantic. So, not only did she have no sexual attraction towards me or anyone else, she also had no romantic attraction towards me or anyone else. She told me this too late, I had already fallen in love with her and for some reason, we stayed together, with the knowledge that there would be no sex, and nothing more than what we already had. She didn't even like pecks on the lips, but she "put up with it" for me. Basically, she was gaining absolutely nothing out of this, and neither was I, really, but I still loved her and we stayed like this for a good 3 months.
Finally, she broke up with me via text at midnight. I will never, ever forgive her for that. We agreed to remain friends, because it was pretty much a weird friendship anyway. We're in the same classes in college and I thought I could manage with this. We're really close friends, but I still love her, and it's eating me up inside. I can't escape her because, as I said, we're in the same class (there is no other class for me to go to, to avoid her). You might think that's fine, maybe I could bare with it for the rest of the year, and I won't see her again when I go to uni. Wrong. She's got an offer from the same university as I have, and we're both going to be doing the exact same course in uni (physics, msci).
So, in other words, I'm not going to be able to fully move on, because I'm going to see her for another 5 years or so! She said she'd be happy having a relationship with someone else who is also asexual and aromantic - it would be a platonic thing where they would just hold hands/hug. I'm really really scared that the day will come where I'm walking around uni campus and come across her holding hands with someone. If that day comes, that will absolutely kill me.
I feel so trapped right now. I can't get away from her, not just physically but emotionally - I still have an emotional attachment to her. I want to just get away from her altogether and move on with my life but that may not happen. I'm not going to wish to go to a different university, I've already accepted my offer, and I've always wanted to go this uni anyway.
What the hell do I do???!?
Hopefully things will work out
If she remains asexual/aromantic I can pretty much promise you you will not be running into her on campus seeing her hold some other guy's hand. The roles there are much more likely to be reversed - that she'll see YOU holding hands with another girl. You could go to another uni but that would be a shame for you to run away from your top pick because of any girl.
I hope you are going away to uni. - even if she'll be at the same uni. Hopefully you won't be living in the same accommodation as she will. It will really make a difference if you live on campus and even better if you live in a catered hall as they tend to be more social. If you can live in a different hall than she is you will be making a lot of new friends and definitely meeting a lot of new girls! Continue to actively avoid her. Your heart will fall for another girl I feel certain. Being in a relationship is about making each other happy and doing for the other person - as best as you can. She, frankly, sounds rather selfish to me. You know in your heart that this isn't the relationship for you but give it time...... you just haven't met your girl yet(!).... she's still out there.
The girl from college just let you know that you are capable of feeling love, sexual and romantic. You also will really appreciate the next girl who comes along and is romantic and eventually sexual when the time is right. Let this relationship go. The only one trapping you is yourself.....not allowing yourself to move on and giving her too much headspace in your brain. Let her go so when your next 'real' girlfriend comes along you'll be ready for her. Good luck!
P.S. This spring semester will go by really fast so concentrate on making the grades you need for uni and not on your ex. Easier said than done, yes, but your can do it! Best of luck!