The Student Room Group

Does anyone else avoid old friends because your insecure about how life turned out?

Often my friends from college will invite me to go to Bars or for a meal when they are in town, but I always say im busy and it sort of upsets me to think about school and discuss college.

Especially my 2 closest friends, we got all As and GCSE and I was in the top set for every subject. They got all As at A Level. One is a FY1 Doctor and another is a Senior Accountant on track to be Manager.

I did poorly at A Level I dont know why and then had to go a local university where I wasnt really motivated about the course and came out with a bad result.

Everytime I meet them, it just reminds me about the many hours I spent planning my life at age 16 and all the open days of Oxbridge and Durham we went to, and then how my life actually turned out.

Can anyone else relate ?
Reply 1
I can sympathise. I'm still friends with a group of people from my sixth form college and I see them whenever I can. They are the most kind, supportive and non-judgmental people I've been lucky enough to meet (we've all been friends for nearly 10 years now). With my friends from school, I had many chances to get in touch with some of them again but I always chose not to because of how differently our lives turned out. We all got similar grades at school - then most of them did 3-year degrees straight out of school and are now earning an income, are in stable relationships, even looking for their own property. Some did Masters degrees and are getting promoted in their fields. Whereas I got kicked out of uni after 4 years for failing one exam and have now started all over again from scratch in another country. I'm sacrificing many more years of my life - including age, relationships and income - to keep pursuing what I want to do. I look back and think about how far behind I am in my own life compared to all my former colleagues, and the fact that in total (by the time I am done), I will have spent 4 times longer than they did to get a similar salary to what they are earning now. Even my former uni colleagues have all finished their degrees and are earning in half the time it will take me. NGL, that does upset me sometimes. So I have to train myself to forget about what happened in the past and focus only on my present and future.

It's hard not to compare yourself with people you went to school with and who you are friends with. The most important thing you have to do is focus on yourself and do things that make YOU happy. You don't need validation from anyone, and if anyone is giving you judgmental or patronising comments they need a square punch in the face. But if these people are genuinely good friends with you, they will support you no matter what. Through whatever hardships you may be having - maybe you don't like your job, maybe you're fed up of being single, maybe you're not feeling as healthy or as motivated as you used to be. But it definitely helps to have someone to talk about these things with.

When you talk about your issues with your friends, you'll find out that things aren't as easy for them either. Some of my friends from college may be earning now, but renting in London is still way out of their budgets. I may be envious that they still live and work in London (our home city) while I'm away for the next several years but living has become problematic for them. Everyone has got their own insecurities about something. Whatever it might be, talking about it and sharing everyone's problems brings people closer together. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it with your friends from school, ask someone else. Parents, family, work colleagues, significant other etc. If not, therapy and counselling!
Reply 2
Original post by asif007
I can sympathise. I'm still friends with a group of people from my sixth form college and I see them whenever I can. They are the most kind, supportive and non-judgmental people I've been lucky enough to meet (we've all been friends for nearly 10 years now). With my friends from school, I had many chances to get in touch with some of them again but I always chose not to because of how differently our lives turned out. We all got similar grades at school - then most of them did 3-year degrees straight out of school and are now earning an income, are in stable relationships, even looking for their own property. Some did Masters degrees and are getting promoted in their fields. Whereas I got kicked out of uni after 4 years for failing one exam and have now started all over again from scratch in another country. I'm sacrificing many more years of my life - including age, relationships and income - to keep pursuing what I want to do. I look back and think about how far behind I am in my own life compared to all my former colleagues, and the fact that in total (by the time I am done), I will have spent 4 times longer than they did to get a similar salary to what they are earning now. Even my former uni colleagues have all finished their degrees and are earning in half the time it will take me. NGL, that does upset me sometimes. So I have to train myself to forget about what happened in the past and focus only on my present and future.

It's hard not to compare yourself with people you went to school with and who you are friends with. The most important thing you have to do is focus on yourself and do things that make YOU happy. You don't need validation from anyone, and if anyone is giving you judgmental or patronising comments they need a square punch in the face. But if these people are genuinely good friends with you, they will support you no matter what. Through whatever hardships you may be having - maybe you don't like your job, maybe you're fed up of being single, maybe you're not feeling as healthy or as motivated as you used to be. But it definitely helps to have someone to talk about these things with.

When you talk about your issues with your friends, you'll find out that things aren't as easy for them either. Some of my friends from college may be earning now, but renting in London is still way out of their budgets. I may be envious that they still live and work in London (our home city) while I'm away for the next several years but living has become problematic for them. Everyone has got their own insecurities about something. Whatever it might be, talking about it and sharing everyone's problems brings people closer together. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it with your friends from school, ask someone else. Parents, family, work colleagues, significant other etc. If not, therapy and counselling!


Wow really helpful answer ! Thank you for taking the time to contribute
I did well but I absolutely do not judge the career of my old school friends. The ones that did well in life are not the ones expected. The brightest guys who went Oxford are now study nerds that don't go out. The ones who were medium bright but worked hard at subjects they enjoyed like sports science or aerospace did very well in life, married with family and a balanced life, but also scholarship for study abroad in cool places.

But I'm a girl and most of my peers at uni or school where we planned Oxford, big law careers etc in fact did a little work after qualifying before their priorities were getting married ASAP and having kids then basically not working
If they're really your friends then it shouldn't even be an issue.

Quick Reply

Latest