The Student Room Group

Made a fool of myself at uni and have major regret

I feel worthless and embarrassed at my actions these past few months of my first year at uni. Freshers was so fun and i felt like i had lots of friends but i met this guy within our big circle of mates and we started seeing eachother . I feel for him hard but he played me, and okay i guess that's not too bad (this is uni what did i expect) but i kinda assumed his friends would be normal after we stopped speaking so i hung out with them in the club only to find out they found me annoying and told everyone i was scraping in on their group. the guy i was with wasn't there that night obviously but his friends were trying to get away from me and i didn't realise cos i was too drunk. i also let it slip that i missed him etc and basically looked like a fool and now all his friends kinda just see me as this big joke.

Of course after that i got with some other guy and although i didn't fall for this one he basically told a mutual friend of ours everything we did and made me look pathetic once more.

It's come to the point where i'm embarrassed of myself and don't want to go out clubbing etc in fear of seeing all these people who think i'm just a silly cow who's desperate for guys that don't actually want her lol

I only really have 2 good girl friends at uni and in general . i really want to make more but it's hard so far into the year. It's kinda ruined uni for me.

i just feel disappointed that i was so embarrassing that night and clung on to my ex's friends when they all knew secrets about me amd thought i was annoying and weird to be hanging with them. Everything was so good during freshers. Now barely anyone likes me
Please don't beat yourself up about it - we have all been there- more than once - and I'm an oldie - you don't look pathetic -it's the childish guy who can't keep his mouth shut who is pathetic - you had feelings for someone and they hurt you ,sadly that is part of life - a crappy part - but only a part - there will be good experiences with guys in the future - Hurting inside is nothing to be ashamed of - we have all had too much to drink and felt that we have embarrassed ourselves on more than one occasion - You have 2 good friends - you will make more as your course progresses and you start doing more group work - things will get better.
Original post by Anonymous
I feel worthless and embarrassed at my actions these past few months of my first year at uni. Freshers was so fun and i felt like i had lots of friends but i met this guy within our big circle of mates and we started seeing eachother . I feel for him hard but he played me, and okay i guess that's not too bad (this is uni what did i expect) but i kinda assumed his friends would be normal after we stopped speaking so i hung out with them in the club only to find out they found me annoying and told everyone i was scraping in on their group. the guy i was with wasn't there that night obviously but his friends were trying to get away from me and i didn't realise cos i was too drunk. i also let it slip that i missed him etc and basically looked like a fool and now all his friends kinda just see me as this big joke.

Of course after that i got with some other guy and although i didn't fall for this one he basically told a mutual friend of ours everything we did and made me look pathetic once more.

It's come to the point where i'm embarrassed of myself and don't want to go out clubbing etc in fear of seeing all these people who think i'm just a silly cow who's desperate for guys that don't actually want her lol

I only really have 2 good girl friends at uni and in general . i really want to make more but it's hard so far into the year. It's kinda ruined uni for me.

i just feel disappointed that i was so embarrassing that night and clung on to my ex's friends when they all knew secrets about me amd thought i was annoying and weird to be hanging with them. Everything was so good during freshers. Now barely anyone likes me


No sense on crying over spilled milk.

Learn from your mistakes. Put it behind you.

Take a deep breath, ignore any snide comments from immature tossers and throw yourself into hard work. The more you visibly react, the more reason you give others to taunt. So laugh it off or don't react at all.

Smash your exams and coursework submissions.

That is your primary focus and anything else is a distraction.
The situation is horrible, and many have been there before you! Yes it's a good idea to focus on your studies, but obviously the social aspect is important too. But remember there are many more people there than are in that group of people. Not being accepting by them sounds like a blessing as they don't sound like a decent set of friends.

There will be other clubs you can go to, and other friends to make. Does your university have any groups you can join to meet new people with similar interests to you?
Reply 4
Original post by Minionmum
Please don't beat yourself up about it - we have all been there- more than once - and I'm an oldie - you don't look pathetic -it's the childish guy who can't keep his mouth shut who is pathetic - you had feelings for someone and they hurt you ,sadly that is part of life - a crappy part - but only a part - there will be good experiences with guys in the future - Hurting inside is nothing to be ashamed of - we have all had too much to drink and felt that we have embarrassed ourselves on more than one occasion - You have 2 good friends - you will make more as your course progresses and you start doing more group work - things will get better.


thank you for this it's good to know i'm not the only one. i'm making a real effort to make more friends but am going to have to see all those boys at a party next week. hopefully will just ignore them
Reply 5
Original post by L.Michie
The situation is horrible, and many have been there before you! Yes it's a good idea to focus on your studies, but obviously the social aspect is important too. But remember there are many more people there than are in that group of people. Not being accepting by them sounds like a blessing as they don't sound like a decent set of friends.

There will be other clubs you can go to, and other friends to make. Does your university have any groups you can join to meet new people with similar interests to you?


i guess they are horrible but i can't help but feel like im the problem. i looked desperate and weird and was drunk as hell. should have been more careful. yeah there are societies but none of them really appeal to me
Original post by Anonymous
thank you for this it's good to know i'm not the only one. i'm making a real effort to make more friends but am going to have to see all those boys at a party next week. hopefully will just ignore them


If you do see them and you have to walk past them or any of them make eye contact, just smile and then look ahead as you breeze on by. You will be fine - there is so much life out there for you to enjoy - it's just that sometimes we hurt so much inside it is hard to see it xx
Original post by Anonymous
i guess they are horrible but i can't help but feel like im the problem. i looked desperate and weird and was drunk as hell. should have been more careful. yeah there are societies but none of them really appeal to me


No. Their reaction to you made you feel desperate and weird.
We've all had one too many and started acting foolish at one time or another. Friends try to minimise the embarrassment with a non alcoholic drink, fast food and an offer of an escort home or suggestion of a taxi. They don't make a cringe worthy experience worse than it has to be.
They are treating you like a joke right now because they have a cruel sense of humour and enjoy somebody suffering to make them feel important. They are not important and you are not a joke. Don't be afraid to be around them, just be irritated that they are making use of oxygen that would have been better used by somebody further along the evolution scale.
You did nothing at all that I'd see as even remotely embarrassing.

It sounds like the group of "friends" that you went out with that see you as a "big joke" haven't grown out of their schoolyard bullying mentality. Where anyone that isn't part of their little clique gets bullied / ignored / has the piss taken out of. I mean, how pathetic can you get: "You're scraping in on our group"? Are they 18 or 8? FFS!

If anything, you should be taking the piss out of the people that have been obnoxious to you - including your ex-boyfriend and his immature mates. You have the higher moral ground here. F*** 'em!


Go out and enlarge your circle of friends at Uni with pride. There will be plenty of people who'd be happy to be your genuine friend. Be proud of what and who you are. Well done for working hard and playing hard at uni. That approach to life will take you far. And well done for being perceptive to the negative vibes coming from this clique who were acting like the Pathetic Sharks from Viz. Part of growing up is developing a thicker skin to the negativity of less mature people than yourself.


And I like you. If I like you, other people will too.
Reply 9
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
You did nothing at all that I'd see as even remotely embarrassing.

It sounds like the group of "friends" that you went out with that see you as a "big joke" haven't grown out of their schoolyard bullying mentality. Where anyone that isn't part of their little clique gets bullied / ignored / has the piss taken out of. I mean, how pathetic can you get: "You're scraping in on our group"? Are they 18 or 8? FFS!

If anything, you should be taking the piss out of the people that have been obnoxious to you - including your ex-boyfriend and his immature mates. You have the higher moral ground here. F*** 'em!


Go out and enlarge your circle of friends at Uni with pride. There will be plenty of people who'd be happy to be your genuine friend. Be proud of what and who you are. Well done for working hard and playing hard at uni. That approach to life will take you far. And well done for being perceptive to the negative vibes coming from this clique who were acting like the Pathetic Sharks from Viz. Part of growing up is developing a thicker skin to the negativity of less mature people than yourself.


And I like you. If I like you, other people will too.

omg this made me laugh. thank u for saying that i feel a lot better hearing that most people don't think i'm a am loser, even if i feel like it.
i can't see to have that '**** em' attitude . i see their popular group all the time and they look like they're having the best time and yeah occasionally they say hi and ask me 'why i'm ignoring them' and it's fine but i know it's all fake . it just makes me feel **** because in the start they all loved me and i feel like i ruined it with my personality lol. how come they all get along but it's me who they make fun off/treat as a joke... what do i do wrong apart from sleep with that idiot.
They do it because they're fickle, immature, cliquey bullies. There's nothing wrong with you or your behaviour at all.

They still have the school mentality, where being accepted as part of a popular group is more important than anything. So they act like a bunch of sheep. Pathetic - when they're 18 years old. Time for them to grow up.

They are not acting according to what is the right thing to do. They're acting according to whatever will give them most group acceptance.

They should have been supporting you after your split with your boyfriend - because that was the right thing to do. Not treating you like a pariah!

You have the moral high ground here.


You have done nothing wrong. The "problem" is with them. Not you.
Original post by uberteknik
No sense on crying over spilled milk.

Learn from your mistakes. Put it behind you.

Take a deep breath, ignore any snide comments from immature tossers and throw yourself into hard work. The more you visibly react, the more reason you give others to taunt. So laugh it off or don't react at all.

Smash your exams and coursework submissions.

That is your primary focus and anything else is a distraction.



Thanks, though this wasn’t made for me but it’s some good advice
His friends probably rejected you out of a sense of loyalty to him and not because they found you annoying or boring. They don't sound like nice people and nor does the guy you went with afterwards. You have 2 close female friends in first year and that's an achievement; many people never achieve that an uni.

Getting over embarrassment can be difficult, but everyone embarrasses themselves and your case isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things. You shouldn't feel ashamed, as he treated you like a piece of crap and then his friends followed suit. You deserve to find people who will treat you with respect and there are plenty of good people out there. As others have said, you are at uni to get a degree - you are the most important thing in all of this, so put yourself first. You are worthy and you can can get over this.

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