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Am I falling out of love with my girlfriend?

This is probably going to be long and boring, so sorry.

I've been dating this girl for around 4 months, long distance the whole time. We have met and everything, I know her through mutual friends etc, it's all legit.

For a while, everything was great and I'd spend all day looking forward to talking to her, the first thing I'd do each day was text her and I'd wait up each night until she woke up (8 hour time difference). I don't know what caused the change but recently I've been feeling less attached to her, I forget to message when I wake up, it feels like a chore to answer her phone calls.

I'm not feeling any kind of physical attraction to her anymore either. We used to talk about stuff over the phone, but I just don't want to anymore. It's not that I'm disgusted by her but attracted to other people, I just feel kinda neutral about it all in general.

I'd never been interested in girls before and I'm still terrified at having to tell all my friends/family that I am dating another girl. Maybe it's stupid since I still have years of uni left to complete, but I still struggle to picture being settled down with her in 5 years time.

I think this whole thing is more me than her. It's been worst since I came back to uni this month, I'm normally either stressed and need to just get on with my work on my own, or I'm tired and just want some time to relax on my own. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out when all my friends go to the library to study together or go out to eat or whatever, and I stay in my room to talk to my girlfriend - particularly since I haven't told them about her so I have to just keep making excuses.

Is this normal for this stage in a relationship, especially long distance? I'm visiting her over Easter and I think things will be better when we're together, but it's at least 3 years until either of us could move to be with the other, which is a long time to feel the way I do now. But at the same time, the thought of being without her scares me and I don't want to lose her.

Is there anything I can do to try to fix this? Is it worth talking less often so it gives us more time to do our own things, or will this just pull us further apart?
Reply 1
Personally it seems as if you don't feel there is a real connection between you two. You're not sure you are missing her but feel as if you do? You haven't told others about her? You don't want to talk? They are all red flags that something is a miss and I'd end it there. Yes it is scary as you'll lose someone close but you'll come out the otherwise wiser and stronger.
Original post by Anonymous
This is probably going to be long and boring, so sorry.

I've been dating this girl for around 4 months, long distance the whole time. We have met and everything, I know her through mutual friends etc, it's all legit.

For a while, everything was great and I'd spend all day looking forward to talking to her, the first thing I'd do each day was text her and I'd wait up each night until she woke up (8 hour time difference). I don't know what caused the change but recently I've been feeling less attached to her, I forget to message when I wake up, it feels like a chore to answer her phone calls.

I'm not feeling any kind of physical attraction to her anymore either. We used to talk about stuff over the phone, but I just don't want to anymore. It's not that I'm disgusted by her but attracted to other people, I just feel kinda neutral about it all in general.

I'd never been interested in girls before and I'm still terrified at having to tell all my friends/family that I am dating another girl. Maybe it's stupid since I still have years of uni left to complete, but I still struggle to picture being settled down with her in 5 years time.

I think this whole thing is more me than her. It's been worst since I came back to uni this month, I'm normally either stressed and need to just get on with my work on my own, or I'm tired and just want some time to relax on my own. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out when all my friends go to the library to study together or go out to eat or whatever, and I stay in my room to talk to my girlfriend - particularly since I haven't told them about her so I have to just keep making excuses.

Is this normal for this stage in a relationship, especially long distance? I'm visiting her over Easter and I think things will be better when we're together, but it's at least 3 years until either of us could move to be with the other, which is a long time to feel the way I do now. But at the same time, the thought of being without her scares me and I don't want to lose her.

Is there anything I can do to try to fix this? Is it worth talking less often so it gives us more time to do our own things, or will this just pull us further apart?


yes I think these are all signs you should probably end it. it'll be hard and a few days later you might think 'crap what have I done' but really this relationship does not sound good. it could be fine if the long distance was going to end sooner because I think the distance is probably part of what is killing it. but if you've got 3 more years then sadly I don't think it'd going to get any better. don't drag it out and do yourselves both a favour and end it. you probably will lose her and not be as close, but that's just how life works sometimes. we find ourselves in lots of complicated relationships with people we love because we've spent every day talking to them so of course you're going to build an amazing connection, but I don't think this relationship sounds like the right one. if it was then long distance wouldn't be creating such big issues
Reply 3
I don’t think you were in love to begin with. Attraction fades.

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