The Student Room Group

Violent brother

I posted the same problem 5 minutes ago..yet it's been taken away..
Basically, my brother is violent towards, me emotionally and physically. It's been going on for about 4 years now with me just making a comment, or doing something a sister would do and he would just lash out.. hit me, beat me..slam my head against a wall etc.

It's got to the point now where i don't love him..because i can't, every memory of him his upsetting and violent. I can't find anything to love.

My parents are aware, they tell him its just me winding him up, that i should avoid him etc. He goes around telling them 'it was just a touch, she's over exaggerating', he does it in a way that they believe him. I have bruises..yet they don't believe its from him, as they're never around to witness it. They hear shouting and assume we're arguing.

Is there anything more I can do?

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Reply 1
Make your parents aware how serious you are about the problem. You should never have to put up with abuse, physical or emotional.
I know it may seem drastic, but if it is a really bad situation you could let the police know about it.
I'm not any sort of expert, and I don't have any experience with anything like that, but thats how i see it.
Reply 2
You could always start self-defense classes.

If you did, you would have to be careful as to how you use it. As any trainer would tell you, it would only be for defending/disarming your brother, not retaliating. This may, however, be bad if you do fully hate your brother because you may not be able to stop yourself if it does become all emotional.
PasserBy9
You could always start self-defense classes.

If you did, you would have to be careful as to how you use it. As any trainer would tell you, it would only be for defending/disarming your brother, not retaliating. This may, however, be bad if you do fully hate your brother because you may not be able to stop yourself if it does become all emotional.


I've only done a small amount of self-defence but I can say that if it gets to the stage of considering it, it's already gone too far.

You probably need to talk to someone in the authorities.
Reply 4
How old is he ? Is he older than you ?
Reply 5
Talk to your parents again. Do your best to really convince them there is a problem. If they really don't want to know; and lets face it what parent wants to believe this then take the issue to someone both you and your family trust, a relative, a priest whoever. If you can't think of anyone you want to involve like this then talk to a favourite teacher or school counsellor.
If you cannot get any help don't let it go on. Tell your brother that the next time he hurts you you WILL call the police, and do it.
Drongo
Tell your brother that the next time he hurts you you WILL call the police, and do it.


I'm beginning to realise it's easy to tell her to call the police. But actually it's quite a tough situation :s-smilie:
Like Drongo said, threaten to call the police. Tell your parents this as well, and if they don't believe you point out that it's neglect on their part.
I think you should definitely talk to your parents again. Tell them exactly what he's doing, his actions, and how it affects you. Maybe you could start a diary and note down everything he's done and the frequency of his acts- and show it to your parents.
You shouldn't have to deal with such abuse. You should consider talking to a close relative/teacher/someone whom you trust. I was going to suggest telling the authorities, but I understand that this would be really tough, considering he's your brother and it's your family. However, you should thinka bout it...It's not normal that he's slamming your head against the wall repeatedly! How old are you/ your brother?
Reply 9
ColinOfEdinburgh
I'm beginning to realise it's easy to tell her to call the police. But actually it's quite a tough situation :s-smilie:


Indeed, but that has to the last resort rather than letting it go on. I can't believe the parents would let it come to this but if it does then the sooner the brother knows what is unacceptable behaviour then the better it is for him too.
charlie23
Make your parents aware how serious you are about the problem. You should never have to put up with abuse, physical or emotional.
I know it may seem drastic, but if it is a really bad situation you could let the police know about it.
I'm not any sort of expert, and I don't have any experience with anything like that, but thats how i see it.

Asking for the State to intervene inner-family squabbles is quite indecent and an act of betrayal.

I say fight back in the most clever way that you can devise. That should stop the attacks and earn the respect.
CartesianFart
I say fight back in the most clever way that you can devise.


What does that mean when you're subject to physical violence?
Reply 12
I'm 18 he's 16...but he's twice my height, and knows it.

I've talked about the police before...i did it earlier, but he snatched the phone off my hand, and held the door closed so i couldn't go to my friends.

They're aware...they know, yet never witness it at its worst.

I'm considering moving out, yet it may mean leaving college..and putting off uni. Something, i'd never want to do.
Anonymous
They're aware...they know, yet never witness it at its worst.

I'm considering moving out, yet it may mean leaving college..and putting off uni. Something, i'd never want to do.


You need to get out of there rapidly. Education is the least of your concerns (even if you see it as a long term route out).
Edit: Would it escalate in the days before you leave?
Reply 14
tell him to come and see titus. bet he wouldn't be so big then.
Reply 15
Would self defence be best, sometimes i try and put my arm out..or grab it so it wouldn't hit me yet he's still stronger than me.

What can the police do aswell? I couldn't do that to my parents, they're good yet i feel they just don't know what to do.

I had some issues when i was younger with bullying etc, and he would always bring that up..use it as his argument, for example 'its cause your mentally ill' or 'no one likes you, thats why you're being bullied'.
Does he have any drug/alcohol/gambling issues thats causing him to be so angry?
Anonymous
Would self defence be best, sometimes i try and put my arm out..or grab it so it wouldn't hit me yet he's still stronger than me.


No, self-defence is used in extreme circumstances - if you're using it on a day to day basis something more fundamental is wrong which you need to address.
It sounds like he needs smacked upside the head. Seriously. Do you have a boyfriend / good friend that you could arrange to be around when one of these incidents occurs, and who's capable of giving your brother a hefty smack in the face?

There's no excuse for him physically attacking people without being attacked first. Even worse when it's a girl, and worse still his sister. He should be the one wanting to defend you from being hurt at all costs (if I sound out any guy had hit my sister, I'd tear off his arms and stick them up his arse), not the one hurting you.

As for the people talking about "betraying family" and all that crap... think about what you're saying here. It's not like turning him in for some other crime, which may be such a betrayal, it's trying to stop herself from getting hurt. She owes him no loyalty - he's already completely betrayed her the second he got violent.
Your parents need to get a grip. They're responsible for both of you and it's disgusting they're letting this go on under their roof and not doing anything about it. They need to sort him out with some anger management therapy and they need to do it fast.