The Monk
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#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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I feel bad as Ive posted similar questions in the past but its really bothering me. I`m in the last term of my last year at uni and as I live in a studio without any close friends here it gets pretty lonely for me. My flatmates from first year are the only friends I have at uni but I only see them sporadically, pretty much whenever they invite me as if it was up to me I`d like to hang out with them all the time. They are all girls so that may influence why I probably see some kind of anxiety over asking them to something but as uni ends in a couple of months I`ve kind of got nothing to lose now.
Basically I`ve always had this fear of initiating conversations and asking people if they want to hang out even at school I would just wait for others to text me. I guess its fear that they don`t actually want to hang out but that they say yes anyway in which I don`t want to bother them, it just feels easier if they ask me round as I know then they want to. In the past they`ve invited me round their house for drinks, clubbing, food etc and I`d love to return the favour but I literally do nothing socially whilst they are all together in a house. One time when I was out one of them said that I was welcome round anytime but I guess I`m like a vampire as I won`t go anywhere without being invited in ha. I don`t want to invite myself round their house but I want to hang out with them and by texting them I`m effectively asking if they can invite me round if that makes sense. Need some advice really, is there a way I can come across not being so kind of desperate haha, I don`t want to be an annoyance to them but just enjoy their company and I`m worried as in all likeliness I won`t see them again after uni.
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LucyRose6
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You asked for honesty so I'm sorry if I come off as mean but this is what ruined some really "close" friendships for me, was people never ever initiating contact. Perhaps not if you're at uni or have a large social circle, but I had a very small group at school and sixth form and it made me feel like I was doing things wrong because I always had to invite them places/plan outings etc, even if I told certain friends that they needed to message me first because I felt like I was intruding since it was always me that would start conversations and they still wouldn't do it.

These friends must think a lot of you to still be doing most of the work in the last year of uni, so you should feel pretty safe in the fact that they do genuinely like you and want to spend time with you! If you like clubbing just ask 'Hey you wanna go to ......' and whichever club you go to with them. It's not as hard as you think it will be when you bite the bullet and do it, I promise. Since you live in a studio apartment it would be quite easy to maybe cook a meal all together and have a 'like old times' night, maybe watch a movie too or go out after?
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The Monk
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Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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(Original post by LucyRose6)
You asked for honesty so I'm sorry if I come off as mean but this is what ruined some really "close" friendships for me, was people never ever initiating contact. Perhaps not if you're at uni or have a large social circle, but I had a very small group at school and sixth form and it made me feel like I was doing things wrong because I always had to invite them places/plan outings etc, even if I told certain friends that they needed to message me first because I felt like I was intruding since it was always me that would start conversations and they still wouldn't do it.

These friends must think a lot of you to still be doing most of the work in the last year of uni, so you should feel pretty safe in the fact that they do genuinely like you and want to spend time with you! If you like clubbing just ask 'Hey you wanna go to ......' and whichever club you go to with them. It's not as hard as you think it will be when you bite the bullet and do it, I promise. Since you live in a studio apartment it would be quite easy to maybe cook a meal all together and have a 'like old times' night, maybe watch a movie too or go out after?
Thanks for the advice and I do tend to overthink things! I just find it harder as I`m the one on his own asking the group of 5 than the opposite way round but I might give it a go. I just worry because they have lots of friends outside of me and I just have a fear that I`ll become an annoyance to them but I probably worry too much.
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