Roommate kissed boyfriend??

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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So I went home over the weekend to see my grandma, then I came back Sunday and everything seemed normal. However around 10 o'clock my boyfriend leaves the room and comes back in about 20 minutes later and sits on my bed to tell me that over the weekend he and my roommate kissed. Now the whole story from both sides is that over the weekend my roommate, got super depressed and so my boyfriend being the caring person he is tried to comfort her, and so he let her stay on his bed while they watched videos. So while sitting on the bed watching videos at some point she looked at him and just kissed him, and he kissed back for like 2 seconds. After being told what happened by him and him repeatedly saying how sorry he was I went to his RA because that was also my section leader and explained what happened, then after talking about it I called my mom to let her know, then after talking to my mom and walking around outside for a bit I texted my roommate and asked her to meet me at the pond near our dorm hall to which she responded "No" twice, and finally said she would come but with two others. Needless to say not much was said. I also kept asking my boyfriend questions whether I truly wanted the answers or not. He was super forthcoming with the information throughout the night and the next day. I even contacted my RA and requested a room change. Its been a super *****y situation and sometimes I can't look at my boyfriend without imagining her lips on his. I have a lot of anxiety as this isn't the first time something similar has happened to me, and I love my boyfriend with all my heart but Im not sure what to do about both of them. Like I want to stay with him and stay friends with her but there's been a lot of trust evaporated, especially on her end since she won't even respond to me right now. I just don't know what to do right now.
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satisfactionatlast
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I went home over the weekend to see my grandma, then I came back Sunday and everything seemed normal. However around 10 o'clock my boyfriend leaves the room and comes back in about 20 minutes later and sits on my bed to tell me that over the weekend he and my roommate kissed. Now the whole story from both sides is that over the weekend my roommate, got super depressed and so my boyfriend being the caring person he is tried to comfort her, and so he let her stay on his bed while they watched videos. So while sitting on the bed watching videos at some point she looked at him and just kissed him, and he kissed back for like 2 seconds. After being told what happened by him and him repeatedly saying how sorry he was I went to his RA because that was also my section leader and explained what happened, then after talking about it I called my mom to let her know, then after talking to my mom and walking around outside for a bit I texted my roommate and asked her to meet me at the pond near our dorm hall to which she responded "No" twice, and finally said she would come but with two others. Needless to say not much was said. I also kept asking my boyfriend questions whether I truly wanted the answers or not. He was super forthcoming with the information throughout the night and the next day. I even contacted my RA and requested a room change. Its been a super *****y situation and sometimes I can't look at my boyfriend without imagining her lips on his. I have a lot of anxiety as this isn't the first time something similar has happened to me, and I love my boyfriend with all my heart but Im not sure what to do about both of them. Like I want to stay with him and stay friends with her but there's been a lot of trust evaporated, especially on her end since she won't even respond to me right now. I just don't know what to do right now.
Questions you need to ask yourself: how long have you and your bf been together? Is it serious? No one can tell you whether you should break up or stay with him, it really depends on you and depends on how serious you are. But if he really loved you, why would he kiss her back?

Also, your roommate doesn't sound like a good friend at all, especially when she texted u No and refused to see you at first. I'd cut contact with her but hey, it's totally up to you.
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Dunnig Kruger
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If I were in your situation I'd love your boyfriend even more. Because he had the honesty and integrity to tell you exactly what happened at the first opportunity. That shows a commendably high level of opennes, honesty and integrity.

I would also be rallying round your female room-mate. She's going through a hard time and could do with all the support she can get. I'd fully understand why she wanted a bit of comfort and a kiss. I'd give her a kiss myself, in both your boyfriends situation AND your situation right now.

Your room-mate and boyfriend did nothing wrong and they both did a lot right. Because they kissed and it went no further, Because they both love and respect you a lot.

They both sound like wonderful young people that I would be very proud to have as my friends.


Asking for a room change is an illogical, over the top reaction from you. You should stay where you are. For your sake and for your room mates sake.

Edit: you can also see this as a test on your boyfriends part. A test where he tells you an uncomfortable truth and sees how you react. So far, you are failing this test big time.
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username2538449
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If it ia true what he said then just get rid of your friend and give him a chance
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Emmie1001
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
If I were in your situation I'd love your boyfriend even more. Because he had the honesty and integrity to tell you exactly what happened at the first opportunity. That shows a commendably high level of opennes, honesty and integrity.

I would also be rallying round your female room-mate. She's going through a hard time and could do with all the support she can get. I'd fully understand why she wanted a bit of comfort and a kiss. I'd give her a kiss myself, in both your boyfriends situation AND your situation right now.

Your room-mate and boyfriend did nothing wrong and they both did a lot right. Because they kissed and it went no further, Because they both love and respect you a lot.

They both sound like wonderful young people that I would be very proud to have as my friends.


Asking for a room change is an illogical, over the top reaction from you. You should stay where you are. For your sake and for your room mates sake.

Edit: you can also see this as a test on your boyfriends part. A test where he tells you an uncomfortable truth and sees how you react. So far, you are failing this test big time.
That doesn’t make it right. He and she should not have kissed eachother! It is wrong plain and simple. And her friend refusing to meet with her, real friends do NOT, would not kiss your boyfriend.
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satisfactionatlast
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
If I were in your situation I'd love your boyfriend even more. Because he had the honesty and integrity to tell you exactly what happened at the first opportunity. That shows a commendably high level of opennes, honesty and integrity.

I would also be rallying round your female room-mate. She's going through a hard time and could do with all the support she can get. I'd fully understand why she wanted a bit of comfort and a kiss. I'd give her a kiss myself, in both your boyfriends situation AND your situation right now.

Your room-mate and boyfriend did nothing wrong and they both did a lot right. Because they kissed and it went no further, Because they both love and respect you a lot.

They both sound like wonderful young people that I would be very proud to have as my friends.


Asking for a room change is an illogical, over the top reaction from you. You should stay where you are. For your sake and for your room mates sake.

Edit: you can also see this as a test on your boyfriends part. A test where he tells you an uncomfortable truth and sees how you react. So far, you are failing this test big time.
wtf? Are you serious? Both are clearly at fault. And about OP failing this test? OP did nothing wrong. The hell
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Your room-mate and boyfriend did nothing wrong
I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you.
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Plantagenet Crown
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
If I were in your situation I'd love your boyfriend even more. Because he had the honesty and integrity to tell you exactly what happened at the first opportunity. That shows a commendably high level of opennes, honesty and integrity.

I would also be rallying round your female room-mate. She's going through a hard time and could do with all the support she can get. I'd fully understand why she wanted a bit of comfort and a kiss. I'd give her a kiss myself, in both your boyfriends situation AND your situation right now.

Your room-mate and boyfriend did nothing wrong and they both did a lot right. Because they kissed and it went no further, Because they both love and respect you a lot.

They both sound like wonderful young people that I would be very proud to have as my friends.
Obvious troll, but very, very funny :rofl:
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Emmie1001)
That doesn’t make it right. He and she should not have kissed eachother! It is wrong plain and simple. And her friend refusing to meet with her, real friends do NOT, would not kiss your boyfriend.
It's only a kiss!

Doesn't mean anything. If it had they'd have gone on to have full-on sex.

The fact that they took it no further than a kiss demonstrates that they both have respect for the existing relationship between the OP and her boyfriend. That is such a good thing that it by far outweighs any "wrong" from a 2 second kiss!

Her room mate didn't want to meet with her, because the OP was in such a stroppy mood over it. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. The OP's being self centred over this.

The OP should focus on this scenario from the point of the other people involved in it. She should be helping and comforting her room mate in her time of need. And she should be telling her boyfriend how much she loves him for trying to help her room mate and for being so amazingly open and honest about an awkward situation.

If the OP were a true friend to both of them, she wouldn't expect perfection from them all the time. She would understand and accept minor slip-ups like a 2 second kiss!


What would have been "wrong" in this situation would have been if they'd had unprotected sex and then kept it secret. That didn't happen. Nothing like it happened.


Anyone who gets in a mood due to their boyfriend kissing someone else needs to lighten up!
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username47781
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Both your boyfriend and room mate are in the wrong here, your roommate is no friend for doing that. Problem you also got is whether you can trust your boyfriend again after that, fair enough he was honest enough to tell you but lets just hope it was a one off eh.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#11
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you.
Why? Because I'm secure enough to let my partners kiss other people without making any fuss over it whatsoever?

Because I don't expect perfection from the people close to me?
Because I try to focus more on my friends needs and feelings than on my own?
Because I respect people who are honest and open about awkward situations?

Yeah, those 4 things really are reasons for you to feel sorry for my beloved.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
Obvious troll, but very, very funny :rofl:
Please feel free to put together a coherent argument as to why you disagree with anything I've said in this thread.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's only a kiss!

Doesn't mean anything. If it had they'd have gone on to have full-on sex.

The fact that they took it no further than a kiss demonstrates that they both have respect for the existing relationship between the OP and her boyfriend. That is such a good thing that it by far outweighs any "wrong" from a 2 second kiss!

Her room mate didn't want to meet with her, because the OP was in such a stroppy mood over it. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. The OP's being self centred over this.

The OP should focus on this scenario from the point of the other people involved in it. She should be helping and comforting her room mate in her time of need. And she should be telling her boyfriend how much she loves him for trying to help her room mate and for being so amazingly open and honest about an awkward situation.

If the OP were a true friend to both of them, she wouldn't expect perfection from them all the time. She would understand and accept minor slip-ups like a 2 second kiss!


What would have been "wrong" in this situation would have been if they'd had unprotected sex and then kept it secret. That didn't happen. Nothing like it happened.


Anyone who gets in a mood due to their boyfriend kissing someone else needs to lighten up!
Only a kiss? How is it only just a kiss? Lol. Anyone who kisses someone else on the lips is a scumbag. Kissing is how it starts when it comes to cheating. If they had ANY respect for the op they wouldnt have done it AT ALL. The boyfriend is good for telling her straight away, but things like this is what causes trust issues.

If my friend made out or tried to put moves on my boyfriend no way in hell am I going to comfort her, her friend knew what she was doing. Simple.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Why? Because I'm secure enough to let my partners kiss other people without making any fuss over it whatsoever?

Because I don't expect perfection from the people close to me?
Because I try to focus more on my friends needs and feelings than on my own?
Because I respect people who are honest and open about awkward situations?

Yeah, those 4 things really are reasons for you to feel sorry for my beloved.
Why do I feel sorry for your partner? Because you think cheating is okay and being faithful isn't important to you. Would you still think it was okay if your partner kissed someone, then abandoned you to live a fairytale life with them, still think nothing wrong happened? Cheating is cheating, regardless of what happened. If you are okay with a kiss, then you are okay with all other cheating, including sexual and emotional affairs.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Why do I feel sorry for your partner? Because you think cheating is okay and being faithful isn't important to you. Would you still think it was okay if your partner kissed someone, then abandoned you to live a fairytale life with them, still think nothing wrong happened? Cheating is cheating, regardless of what happened. If you are okay with a kiss, then you are okay with all other cheating, including sexual and emotional affairs.
Exactly this! Also why should she comfort her friend when her friend put the moves on her boyfriend? That’s ridiculous!
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Thisguy11
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Can someone tell me the fault of the boyfriend? If the roles were gender swapped the partner (who got kissed without consent) would be a victim of sexual assault
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Thisguy11)
Can someone tell me the fault of the boyfriend? If the roles were gender swapped the partner (who got kissed without consent) would be a victim of sexual assault
he kissed her back
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Thisguy11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he kissed her back
I might have misread the post, but my understanding was he just let it continue for 2 seconds, it seems stupid to think that know.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Why do I feel sorry for your partner? Because you think cheating is okay and being faithful isn't important to you. Would you still think it was okay if your partner kissed someone, then abandoned you to live a fairytale life with them, still think nothing wrong happened? Cheating is cheating, regardless of what happened. If you are okay with a kiss, then you are okay with all other cheating, including sexual and emotional affairs.
No, I don't think that cheating is OK.

I don't regard a 2 second kiss on the lips as cheating.

I do regard the insertion of a penis into one of the three orifices as cheating. I do regard giving someone a hand job to the point of ejaculation / orgasm as cheating (but not as seriously cheating as the orifice sex).

And if someone has sex with someone else and comes back and tells their partner about it before their next session then I don't see that as "cheating". I see that as ending the relationship and then going back and giving your (recently made) ex, the chance to start a new relationship with you.



If my partner kissed someone I'd ask how they felt about it. And take it from there. With my partners feelings being by far the most important consideration in how I responded to it.
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hannah00
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this is why its inappropriate to hang out alone with a member of the opposite sex.

So much stress and anxiety can be spared if people in relationships are more respectful.

Your boyfriend is 100% to blame for getting into such a situation where the other girl felt it was okay to kiss him
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