How to accept i am an ugly male

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So all my life I have been called ugly. In primary school I was picked on and remember very clearly once in year 3 we were walking to assembly and the girl in-front of me said "I am so glad that your sister does not look like you". Then in high school I never had much female contact except for once in year 11 when a girl hugged me and everyone around us said "ew" as if they had practiced what to say.Once in high school in a lesson our teacher talked about relationships and looks and somewhere along the conversation he said "marriage is a compromise and it is all about what you can bring to the table, if you have not got looks then you need to work hard to provide resources to be attractive" and everyone looked at me in the corner of the room.In college things got better, my self-condifence shot-up and I was taking to every single girl and had no problem socialising anymore, I could flirt, I got lots of hugs, a kiss on the cheek, I have grabbed a couple of girl`s hands and kissed them on their hand and then spun them round, but I have never received actual reciprocating feelings from a girl. Still, it never bothered me that much until a couple days ago when I was flirting with a girl and she seemed engaged in the conversation, she laughed at everything and when I asked for her number she laughed and said "your ugly, bye bye" then left. Since then it is realy affecting me,
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Study With Myk
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Wow mate, your situation is something else. people call you ugly but what do you think about yourself.Seriously the way you think and treat yourself is the way others will treat you. Dude beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,dont let something as shallow as looks hinder you.
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RenéDescartes
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So all my life I have been called ugly. In primary school I was picked on and remember very clearly once in year 3 we were walking to assembly and the girl in-front of me said "I am so glad that your sister does not look like you". Then in high school I never had much female contact except for once in year 11 when a girl hugged me and everyone around us said "ew" as if they had practiced what to say.Once in high school in a lesson our teacher talked about relationships and looks and somewhere along the conversation he said "marriage is a compromise and it is all about what you can bring to the table, if you have not got looks then you need to work hard to provide resources to be attractive" and everyone looked at me in the corner of the room.In college things got better, my self-condifence shot-up and I was taking to every single girl and had no problem socialising anymore, I could flirt, I got lots of hugs, a kiss on the cheek, I have grabbed a couple of girl`s hands and kissed them on their hand and then spun them round, but I have never received actual reciprocating feelings from a girl. Still, it never bothered me that much until a couple days ago when I was flirting with a girl and she seemed engaged in the conversation, she laughed at everything and when I asked for her number she laughed and said "your ugly, bye bye" then left. Since then it is realy affecting me,
Damn... Hugs, kiss on cheek and etc mean absolutely nothing. The real question is have you dated/slept with any of them.

Anyways, you can't really decide to "accept" the fact that you are "ugly". To accept it, you would need some sort of epiphany that propels you to believe that appearance means absolutely fcking nothing and, hence, you don't give two fcks about being "ugly". If you are going to sit there and recite "it's okay to be ugly" six billion times, then, initially, you will feel better but, eventually, you will break. The reason is that you don't actually believe it. Overall, there is really nothing you can do to accept it. You just need to continue to be sad about it for a while and then, maybe, you will look back and see that you've wasted the past 5 years of your life stressing about things you can't change. Hopefully after that, you will begin to realise all the things you've missed out and that it isn't and wasn't worth it so you naturally move on.

I am pretty sure people in your life have told you things like "don't worry", "who gives a damn about what other people think", "beauty is subjective" and etc. I am also pretty sure that no matter how logical or true their statements are, it didn't eradicate the issue because you've already heard it 9 million times but you just don't believe it. Therefore, this is just something that you will eventually learn to accept through experience.

Just my opinion.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#4
(Original post by Study With Myk)
Wow mate, your situation is something else. people call you ugly but what do you think about yourself.Seriously the way you think and treat yourself is the way others will treat you. Dude beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,dont let something as shallow as looks hinder you.
Oh there is alot more. My own family members have made crude remarks, once i overheard someone say "his face has turned out so weird".in high school and college people used to joke i would have to get an arranged marriage because love would not be for me, a random girl i did not know also walked up to me out of no where and said "jesus slapped you" and just walked off. One time i remember in college we had to go on a field trip to the countryside and we stayed at a sort of hostel, me and another guy were alone in the main room watching TV when a group of girls from another college walked in and frankly, my mate did not even have to open his mouth because they were practically all over him, they all surrounded him and talked and giggled like school girls as i watched and not a single second of attention was directed toward me, so after 20 minutes of feeling like a ghost noone could see i left.

I know i am ugly, i avoid mirrors in public, when i walk into an elevator i face away from the mirror, other than that it has not affected me for 2 years and i have not let my looks be a barrier until i met that girl who walked off after calling me ugly, since then it has affected me alot and all those memories of being called ugly are coming back, oh just rembered as i was typing this sentence, in year 11 during a french lesson the teacher put up a series of cartoon chaacters and one of them was hideous, a guy shouted it looked like me. I will get over it eventually i just needed a rant.
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ryanpro
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An adult actually said to you “you’re ugly, bye bye”? That says more about that person than it does about you. You dodged a bullet with that one.

Try to write off your bad school experiences, it’s secondary school and people suck. Again, the actions of the bullies says more about who they are than you.

You don’t have to accept that you’re ugly, because it’s probably not as bad as you think it is. Everybody has a different perception of beauty. We all know what’s socially acceptable because we have been conditioned that way, but socially accepted beauty and someone who is actually an attractive person are two different concepts.

Don’t resign yourself to the ‘no good’ pile because you don’t think you’re good enough.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#6
(Original post by RenéDescartes)
Damn... Hugs, kiss on cheek and etc mean absolutely nothing. The real question is have you dated/slept with any of them.

Anyways, you can't really decide to "accept" the fact that you are "ugly". To accept it, you would need some sort of epiphany that propels you to believe that appearance means absolutely fcking nothing and, hence, you don't give two fcks about being "ugly". If you are going to sit there and recite "it's okay to be ugly" six billion times, then, initially, you will feel better but, eventually, you will break. The reason is that you don't actually believe it. Overall, there is really nothing you can do to accept it. You just need to continue to be sad about it for a while and then, maybe, you will look back and see that you've wasted the past 5 years of your life stressing about things you can't change. Hopefully after that, you will begin to realise all the things you've missed out and that it isn't and wasn't worth it so you naturally move on.

I am pretty sure people in your life have told you things like "don't worry", "who gives a damn about what other people think", "beauty is subjective" and etc. I am also pretty sure that no matter how logical or true their statements are, it didn't eradicate the issue. What other people say to you now is superfluous because you already know it, you just don't believe it. Therefore, I believe that this is just something that you will eventually learn to accept.

Just my opinion.
Yes i understand, i think i am just going to stay away from girls for a while
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Anonymous #2
#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh there is alot more. My own family members have made crude remarks, once i overheard someone say "his face has turned out so weird".in high school and college people used to joke i would have to get an arranged marriage because love would not be for me, a random girl i did not know also walked up to me out of no where and said "jesus slapped you" and just walked off. One time i remember in college we had to go on a field trip to the countryside and we stayed at a sort of hostel, me and another guy were alone in the main room watching TV when a group of girls from another college walked in and frankly, my mate did not even have to open his mouth because they were practically all over him, they all surrounded him and talked and giggled like school girls as i watched and not a single second of attention was directed toward me, so after 20 minutes of feeling like a ghost noone could see i left.

I know i am ugly, i avoid mirrors in public, when i walk into an elevator i face away from the mirror, other than that it has not affected me for 2 years and i have not let my looks be a barrier until i met that girl who walked off after calling me ugly, since then it has affected me alot and all those memories of being called ugly are coming back, oh just rembered as i was typing this sentence, in year 11 during a french lesson the teacher put up a series of cartoon chaacters and one of them was hideous, a guy shouted it looked like me. I will get over it eventually i just needed a rant.
Do you have pictures? I am curious to see what you look like. I know ugly people and none of them has had any of the aforementioned experiences.
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Study With Myk
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh there is alot more. My own family members have made crude remarks, once i overheard someone say "his face has turned out so weird".in high school and college people used to joke i would have to get an arranged marriage because love would not be for me, a random girl i did not know also walked up to me out of no where and said "jesus slapped you" and just walked off. One time i remember in college we had to go on a field trip to the countryside and we stayed at a sort of hostel, me and another guy were alone in the main room watching TV when a group of girls from another college walked in and frankly, my mate did not even have to open his mouth because they were practically all over him, they all surrounded him and talked and giggled like school girls as i watched and not a single second of attention was directed toward me, so after 20 minutes of feeling like a ghost noone could see i left.

I know i am ugly, i avoid mirrors in public, when i walk into an elevator i face away from the mirror, other than that it has not affected me for 2 years and i have not let my looks be a barrier until i met that girl who walked off after calling me ugly, since then it has affected me alot and all those memories of being called ugly are coming back, oh just rembered as i was typing this sentence, in year 11 during a french lesson the teacher put up a series of cartoon chaacters and one of them was hideous, a guy shouted it looked like me. I will get over it eventually i just needed a rant.
Okay mate now I really wanna see how you look. me and my friends usually roast each other about our looks for hours but we all ait. The supposedly ugly guys are the ladies men in the group so Ugliness has nothing to do with getting girls. I family memebers diss you , diss back mate.
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Dunnig Kruger
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OP. Improve your status. Improve your grooming. Improve your hair style. Improve yuor body fitness - no need to go to body building levels. Just make sure you've got a pert bottom.Improve your personality and character. Improve your ability to give women great sex (although I admit you do have a chicken and egg situation on this).

Focus on the things you can improve. Or that are already good. Focus on your positives. Do not focus on the negative of the bone structure of your face.

When it comes to my sexual partners, they can have a very ugly face, but if they have an athletic body I will find them physically attractive enough for me to be very happy to sleep with them.There will be many women who feel the same way as me.

One positive from your situation is that many women will look at you and think that due to your face, you will have to work hard and compensate in other areas in order to get any girlfriends. They will be looking for personality and character positives in you. Live up to their expectations and you'll do alright.
You deserve to have a girlfriend. Go out and get one!


One trick in getting a girlfriend is that when you meet someone, don't think "Oh my God. She's so hot!" Just treat young women as equal human beings. People who are neither better nor worse than you. People with whom you will have more in common than differences.Talk with them over common interests. Or just do fun things with them.. Don't "chat them up".
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AxSirlotl
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I used to be really self conscious about myself, my height to be specific, and how it significantly affected how attractive I was to girls. I got over it by realising why it made me feel sad, it was because I cared about it, I asked myself why I cared about it and my answer was because girls care about it. Why should I care if girls care about it? I suppose that it could be because I want a relationship, I felt as though I needed a relationship. So now I'm trying to find other ways of being happy in life instead of needing a girlfriend. That way I will be eliminating a reason for caring about my height, since I won't care about what girls think since I won't want a relationship.
It is hard to do, especially since I see happy relationships quite often and think about how amazing it would be to have someone to share your life with, to support you unconditionally, especially when those who used to unfortunately have gone from your life, someone to have kids with, to get married to etc. It gets me down but not nearly as often as when I really yearned for a relationship.
My current mindset is that love/romance is a game which isn't fair, where the difficulty is determined by your genes and how attractive you are. My current view is something along the lines of "Why should I play a game where it isn't merit which is rewarded but genetics and traits?". By being a 5'5 male, I'm at a significant disadvantage to taller men and therefore have to work much harder in other areas to be nearly as attractive as a taller man. My time would be better used enjoying my life without having to participate in love, by bettering myself, by taking part in things which mostly reward hard work and dedication instead of genetics such as reading (I feel a sense of accomplishment and love learning), doing well in school/university or working hard at work to get a promotion.
By changing my mindset from one where I cared about what girls thought about me to caring about what matters to me in life (being happy, learning, spreading happiness and trying to make a positive impact in my life), I realised that girls aren't a good, reliable and stable source of happiness. I don't value myself based on how attractive I am to girls, but instead how proud I am of myself and based on my achievements.
I hope this helps, I think our situations are similar in some ways and I think that my experiences trying to overcome being undesirable to girls may help. I hope you find the girl who values you for the human you are and is proud of you for your achievements and kindness because I still believe that there are girls like that out there.
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applesforme
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this can't be real. you kissed girls on the hand and spun them around?? and a girl you were talking with said you were ugly to your face. I don't think things like that happen...
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Bored123456789
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(Original post by petalsunrise)
this can't be real. you kissed girls on the hand and spun them around?? and a girl you were talking with said you were ugly to your face. I don't think things like that happen...
The trolls are becoming more advanced.
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Anonymous #3
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don't suppose you'd be up for sending a pic if i pm'd you? would be helpful to see what you look like to see if i could give any direct advice on things you could easily improve on.
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RenéDescartes
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(Original post by Anonymous)
don't suppose you'd be up for sending a pic if i pm'd you? would be helpful to see what you look like to see if i could give any direct advice on things you could easily improve on.
If you are going to send him a pic, you should send it to me too.
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Anonymous #4
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lol how do you pm on this thang?
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karl pilkington
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I avoid mirrors in public lmao. I would say that just because you are 'ugly' is no excuse for people to be nasty to you and you have become too accepting of people treating you like dirt because you have been conditioned by society to believe that looks=human value.
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Anonymous #1
#17
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(Original post by Study With Myk)
Okay mate now I really wanna see how you look. me and my friends usually roast each other about our looks for hours but we all ait. The supposedly ugly guys are the ladies men in the group so Ugliness has nothing to do with getting girls. I family memebers diss you , diss back mate.
The "his face turned out weird" was a converstion i overheard between my mum and dad.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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(Original post by AxSirlotl)
I used to be really self conscious about myself, my height to be specific, and how it significantly affected how attractive I was to girls. I got over it by realising why it made me feel sad, it was because I cared about it, I asked myself why I cared about it and my answer was because girls care about it. Why should I care if girls care about it? I suppose that it could be because I want a relationship, I felt as though I needed a relationship. So now I'm trying to find other ways of being happy in life instead of needing a girlfriend. That way I will be eliminating a reason for caring about my height, since I won't care about what girls think since I won't want a relationship.
It is hard to do, especially since I see happy relationships quite often and think about how amazing it would be to have someone to share your life with, to support you unconditionally, especially when those who used to unfortunately have gone from your life, someone to have kids with, to get married to etc. It gets me down but not nearly as often as when I really yearned for a relationship.
My current mindset is that love/romance is a game which isn't fair, where the difficulty is determined by your genes and how attractive you are. My current view is something along the lines of "Why should I play a game where it isn't merit which is rewarded but genetics and traits?". By being a 5'5 male, I'm at a significant disadvantage to taller men and therefore have to work much harder in other areas to be nearly as attractive as a taller man. My time would be better used enjoying my life without having to participate in love, by bettering myself, by taking part in things which mostly reward hard work and dedication instead of genetics such as reading (I feel a sense of accomplishment and love learning), doing well in school/university or working hard at work to get a promotion.
By changing my mindset from one where I cared about what girls thought about me to caring about what matters to me in life (being happy, learning, spreading happiness and trying to make a positive impact in my life), I realised that girls aren't a good, reliable and stable source of happiness. I don't value myself based on how attractive I am to girls, but instead how proud I am of myself and based on my achievements.
I hope this helps, I think our situations are similar in some ways and I think that my experiences trying to overcome being undesirable to girls may help. I hope you find the girl who values you for the human you are and is proud of you for your achievements and kindness because I still believe that there are girls like that out there.
It only began to bother me when that girl turned me down iN the worst way possible, had me down for a few days but oh well, got to move on. I came to accept the relationship game is something that i cannot play along time ago but it still didn`t stop me from trying, i am permenantely done pursuing girls now though.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by petalsunrise)
this can't be real. you kissed girls on the hand and spun them around?? and a girl you were talking with said you were ugly to your face. I don't think things like that happen...
The girls i did that with were my friends or were flirtacious with everyone so they thought nothing of it, but if i asked them out they would say no. It happens to me all the time.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ryanpro)
An adult actually said to you “you’re ugly, bye bye”? That says more about that person than it does about you. You dodged a bullet with that one.

Try to write off your bad school experiences, it’s secondary school and people suck. Again, the actions of the bullies says more about who they are than you.

You don’t have to accept that you’re ugly, because it’s probably not as bad as you think it is. Everybody has a different perception of beauty. We all know what’s socially acceptable because we have been conditioned that way, but socially accepted beauty and someone who is actually an attractive person are two different concepts.

Don’t resign yourself to the ‘no good’ pile because you don’t think you’re good enough.
I don`t normally think about it but the run in with that girl got me down alot. Truthfully i never even meant to post this thread and i was going to shut down the browser but i accidentally pressed a button on the keyboard before i did which posted this for me.

I wouldn`t say i am ugly but i do have a strange face shape and features on my face which make me look terrible. Anyway, i am done pursuing girls for a while.
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