The Student Room Group

Living with your boyfriend/girlfriend whilst at Uni.

Hiya all,

I've got a bit of a dilemma, I'm going to uni in september hopefully to LJMU. My boyfriend is currently studying in Liverpool too and he has his own flat, he didnt go into halls because he didnt think he'd be able to do any work in that environment.

Anyways, Ive been with him just over 4 months now and he said that if I get into John Moores I can go live with him, (save on money etc) but also I'd get to see him much more (obviously). Currently I'm only seeing him 2 times a week, 3 at most if I'm lucky as I live in N.Wales.

Question is, would you or have you lived with your boyfriend/girlfriend whilst at uni or think it would be a good or bad idea.

I do love some aspects of it, such as I'll get to see him all the time. We hardly ever argue so I think we'd be able to get on living with eachother.

I'm just thinking of the whole university experience and I might miss out abit if I don't go into halls, and the other thing is if we were to split up (which i cant see happening touch wood, but who knows) I'd be stuck with no where to go.

I really haven't got a clue what to do.

Thanks in advance for any replies :smile:. xx

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
dont do it!! i was in exactly the same position, im in my second year now and totally regret it! you end up like a married couple!
Bad, bad idea IMHO.

My other half had to move in with me about a year after we first got together, as a temporary measure because he literally didn't have anywhere else to go (he was 17, and had not long been kicked out of home). It put our relationship to the test, and resulted in the worst months we've ever had. Thankfully everything's rosy now, a few years on, but it totally wasn't what either of us expected.

You will still see him plenty if you're living in the same city - but living together is a big deal, and I honestly think you would have a better chance of staying together in the long-run if you didn't put that kind of pressure on what is, after all, a relatively new relationship.

Good luck, whatever you decide, anyway. :smile:
Reply 3
Hey, I lived with my boyfriend before coming to uni, when I got accepted to uni we got a place near the uni and he got a job near us. It works out great for us =) We wouldn't dream of being in a LDR. I'd definitely recommend it.... I couldn't be happie. Of course, every couple is different.
I definitely wouldn't share a place with someone after four months. Why not get your own place in halls for the first year, maybe two, and then move in together if you're still a couple? Then there'd be a definite commitment, and you can always stay over at his as often as you like until then :smile:
No, no, no, no, no! Don't do it!

I moved in with my other half last year when we went to Uni together. He turned into a jealous, possessive freak and I barely met any new people because of it. I ended up completely miserable and dropping out and we split up, but it was more than just ruining Uni; it completely shattered my confidence. Now, I've bounced back stronger but it tore my life up for a long time. Moving in together is a huge step and it might be best to build up the amount of time you see each other first before you move in. How about going into halls for a year and see how things go, then think about moving in together for the second year?

I don't think you ever really know a person until you move in with them, but after being burnt once, it'll take a while before I think about moving in with anyone else.
Reply 6
*ellen marine*


You will still see him plenty if you're living in the same city


Thats a good point, and I could always stay at his more often.

It's just telling him without hurting his feelings now I guess. Think I'll wait until I know if Ive been accepted first :rolleyes: .
I'd say go into halls for your fist year if you can afford to. You want to meet people socially not just in lectures.

4 months into a relationship is too soon to decide to live togather really. Me and my boyfriend have ended up at the same uni, we had been together for 10 months at the start of September, moved into seperate residences deciding that we were close enough being just a few mionutes down the road. We are now planning to move in together next year as we are still going strong and practically living together in his flat. I am still glad that we didn't move in together straight away, things could easily have changed in our relationship and moving in together from only having spent at most a week living together previously could have split us at the begining of the term. I still feel a little uncertain about moving in...

On another note, you will come across as a married couple if you spend all your time together, if it works (as it does for me) then that's fine. If that's not your relationship now, or even in the future, leave the moving in together for a while and just sleep round at each others for a bit. See how you cope with spending more time together. I know a few too many people who realise they have too many gripes with their partner's character when they have to spend time with them. Funny really that they never noticed when they only meet a couple of times a week, that's why holidaying together can kill relationships.
Reply 8
You've all convinced me that its a bad idea, which does make sense.

I wouldve been with him about a year by the time I go but the decision needs to be made earlier.

Halls it is.

Thanks to you all :smile:
Well there's always pro's and con's but course if you were to split up, then it could be very messy and awkward.
artorscience?
that's why holidaying together can kill relationships.


amen to that! I was with my ex-fiance for a year and a half when we went on holiday together for a week (with his family, but we had our own room). That holiday tore us apart and we broke up pretty much straight away after we got back.

Live apart in first year. I'm with a guy now who's living 2 floors below me in halls (totally coincidental) and we do spend a lot of time together, but when he wants to hang with the guys or I want my girly time we can do, without each of us being in the others way, but he does stay over in my room a lot and we can see each other as much as we like.
It's the best way to be for now :biggrin:
Reply 11
Rock Fan
Well there's always pro's and con's but course if you were to split up, then it could be very messy and awkward.


That was my biggest worry, I said that to him and he just said he wouldnt ask me to move out but depending on the circumstances I dont think he could say that for definate.

Ive just got a feeling he's going to take it the wrong way :rolleyes: .
Reply 12
An easy way you can tell him is just to say that for a long time you've been looking forward to living in Halls and meeting new people that way (emphasise the friends part, ease his concerns if he thinks he has anything to be jealous about) - you've not been going out long and it's quite a step for so soon in the relationship IMO!

It's fair enough really, I'm sure he'll see it that way :smile:
I plan to live with my boyfriend next year, we've been together for 2 years and decided upon it quite some time ago. As long as you're comfortable with eachother, and feel that your relationship will be long term then go for it!
Otherwise, put down for Halls as you can always change your mind if you realise you're ready to live with him. I'm worried about what would happen if we broke up too but as we would both had moved in the same time I am NOT moving out :P and I guess he wouldn't either....could turn out a tad uncomfortable..
Or you could live apart for first year like Miss_Rachel said. It might be better to do that whilst you become more used to eachother :smile:
Personally, I wouldn't risk it.
You haven't been together long, and you've outlined the risks yourself. You want to have the best uni experience possible and whilst I'm not saying living with him will automatically mean you don't get that, you know there's a great amount of socialising you're going to miss out on. I'm in my first year and in halls, and I've made all my closest friends, my future housemates through halls. I just think you run the risk of isolating yourself, becoming the girl who's always with her boyfriend.
And as you've said, nothing is certain, so if you were to break up, you'd be left in an extremely difficult position, which I imagine would be quite difficult and/or costly to get out of.
Obviously the big draw is getting to spend more time with him and I understand that, but is it worth the risk of the above? I mean its not like you wouldn't see him at all if you lived in halls, you'd probably just get a better balance.
I mean obviously it has worked for some people, so it's certainly possible, but do give it a lot of thought.
Reply 15
Me and my boyfriend hadn't been together long like you two and although we go to uni in the same city we decided to live in seperatly for the first two years to get the uni experience and then we are moving in together for our third year in september and its worked out really well :smile:

hope this helps xx
I live with my boyfriend and I'm a student (he isn't though.)
It's worked out perfectly fine for over a year now.

As long as you socialise/make friends at uni, and give eachother space when needed it can work. If you have faith in your relationship, and you do want it to work, you should be ok.

If you do break-up, I'm sure you'd be able to find a place in a student house or something (e.g. people drop-out of uni all year round and you can take their space).
Good luck with your decision :smile:
I live with my boyfriend, I'm at uni and he works full time. It's worked out fine for us as I have still made friends with a few close people from my course, I guess if I'd have moved into halls I would have met more people, but I started uni as a mature student anyway and wasn't into the whole halls thing anyway, so I dunno, it's worked well for me.
I live with my boyfriend. Prior to moving to England in September, I had never been to England before. I met my boyfriend at a heavy metal festival in Germany, and he lived near where I was going to Uni. I didn't want to live in halls, though I had originally been slated to do so. I moved in with him and his family (which was a really good choice, in my opinion).

I absolutely love living with my boyfriend. We're extremely close and when we go out on weekends we go out together -- not out of obligation, but out of choice. We are like a married couple, but we enjoy it. It depends on what you want.

You will have a more difficult time making friends at Uni. I didn't participate in week one activities -- and I don't regret it, either. I dislike partying, and I enjoy the independence of living off of campus (and saving at least £4,000 in the process). I have some pretty good friends in my modules and on my course, and we talk a lot. We socialise outside of Uni as well, and it doesn't matter that I live off of campus.

You need to think about what it means to live together. Sharing things -- he might be paying rent, but what are you going to contribute? Who is going to cook? Are you going to share responsibilities? What is your relationship like now?

My boyfriend and I are hoping to get our own flat by the end of this semester. He works full time for BT and I go to Uni during the week... this works out really well for us.

It all depends on what you think you can handle -- would you feel left out of Uni life if you didn't live on campus? Would you feel like it would be harder to study?

I'm doing better than most of my friends in my modules because I'm not on campus partying. Living off campus lets me focus and works well for me. I also like the luxury of having a private bathroom, access to a kitchen, a living room, a big bed, etc.

You're free to message me if you want to talk about this or anything.
my boyfriend wants me to move into halls first (even though we have been going out for 2years). i can understand where he is coming from, even though i hate being in a LDR. and anyway, you can spend some nights at his, and some in halls. that way your with him but can get on with having your own friends. and then you can always move in with him the next year. this way you can gradually get used to living with him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.