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Dating: Are we all looking for an instant spark that only exists in fairytales?

Hello TSR,

So I was thinking, when it comes to dating, are too many of us looking for this instantaneous spark that only really exists in Disney movies?

I used to always believe that you know instantly if the spark is there or not. Well, when I say instantly, I mean 10 minutes into the conversation.

However, is this reality? So many of us go on dates, and we reject the person on the basis that we 'just did not feel any spark'. But is a spark in reality something that takes time to develop?

Maybe we need to go on more dates before we can make an informed decision as to whether we have chemistry or not with this person?

Of course, sometimes 1 date is enough to know that you are not attracted to the person, but other times I think we have not given this person enough of a chance to know if we feel anything or not.

What do you think? Are sparks always instant? Or do they normally take time to develop?

I think sometimes people are just attracted to each other and that’s what we’re looking for in every relationship when it’s not like this all the time, we just want this great love story and excitement and all and it doesn’t often turn out like that

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

My dating rule is generally I'll go on a second date with anyone who seems like a decent person, we have some common interests and is physically attractive. I think that's what you can reasonably determine on a first date. I could concluded this after making more of an effort to date,going on lots of first dates and never feeling enough spark to want to see them again. I realised surely at least one of them had to be worth more of my time so I decided to give people more of a chance.

I've only got as far with the person I am dating now because of this logic. It felt like nothing special at first, maybe as much because I hadn't expected much. My attitude to a second date was more 'yeah, why not, nothing to loose' than enthusiasm. 5 dates in and she's amazing. I'm still not sure if there's spark per se but there's a real connection there and sexual chemistry.

So yeah, maybe spark isn't all that?

Reply 4

UWS

It depends on what people perceive as a "spark". If the person you went on a date with seems boring, lacks personality or has no similar interests to you then there's no point in wasting time by going on more dates. If it's more to do with a lack of physical attraction then that's also a reason not to go on more dates.

A spark is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. It's what separates a friendship from a relationship or a FWB from a serious thing. Sometimes they take time to develop, it really depends on the person and how much they like them. I would say for online dating, the threshold for staying around is a lot lower since there's a lot more opportunities for other dates.

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