Will I ever get over this?

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elsa-s
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#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#1
I’m writing this as a last plead for help. the story might seem ridiculous to some, but it is how i feel it.

In september, I met a guy at a house party, with whom things really, really clicked (and it almost never happens that I find someone that I like). He took me out for some food and climbing, was very sweet, extremely so. Flirty but not too much, I fell for him instantly. He would call me every night, stayed over often and for a few weeks things were awesome. He was very protective, gentle, caring, adorable. I was terribly attracted to him and the thought of seeing him soon would put me on a little cloud, I was fully and genuinely happy.

To be able to wrap around his arms and fall asleep there, have him kiss me my forehead as I snuggled up against is the most heart-filling situation I’ve experienced.
Soon though, he began to be more distant, didn’t call as much, wouldn’t be as caring. I was terrified of losing something that brought so much warmth and joy to my life, so had to constantly ask him for confirmations. Eventually, after a discussion in which he straight up told me ‘you’re not the most important thing in my life’, and made it clear that he thought i was being needy and unconfident, and that we ‘weren’t on the same page’, we didn’t speak for a week, I eventually called things off, to which he replied ‘sounds perfect to me’.

This guy stayed over at my house 3 times a week, and showered me with kisses and affection. It has been 3 months now, and I think about him almost every minute of every day. I miss having him stay over, cuddling up against him, and truth be told I’m very much in love with him (even though he gives 0 craps about me because i heard he was hooking up with this girl since, and I don’t think he ever truly cared, despite making me believe so) I am so devastated that I won’t ever find someone I like that much again, every day is a chore.

My friends aren’t really the most entertaining people ever, a bit boring, and all I want is to have him back. I have lost any will to live, and nothing in this life satistifies or even remotely amuses me anymore. i tried to pick up on new hobbies or things, but it’s a lost combat, it’s just a mask to fill a void. I fell in love with him and I don’t know how , and if I can, get out of it
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TheAlchemistress
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Sorry to hear.
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Karimbayoumi
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In situations like this, its completely normal to feel that way, of course it will hurt when someone who loved us or made us feel loved leaves all of a sudden and moves on we will be devastated. It isn't a normal thing so the pain you are going through is understandable.

But your mindset is part of the problem, the fact that you made him the centre of your life is the problem. From what you said, I do believe that you could have acted needy and unconfident, thats what we as people tend to do when someone backs away. So then we try to force things upon them and convince them to come back but thats not how it works. To put it simply, he wasn't playing games, he did have feelings for you and cared but you drove him away because you kept asking him to make you the centre of his life and thats not a healthy relationship. Instead you should have given him the space he needed and focused more on yourself. Now he is away hooking up with another girl because you drove him away due to you making him feel obliged to make you the most important thing in his life.

My advice is you need to go out and start opening up and talking to more guys. He was a great guy but there are other plenty great guys who you may never get the chance to meet and help you move on if you keep locking yourself up and thinking that this is the end. Not every relationship will work, that's life. It was a great relationship to you sure but it ended and you need to get your head out of what happened because it will never change, and start thinking that this will lead you to meet other great guys anywhere else and someone will eventually click with you again.

I am a guy btw, had a beautiful relationship with a girl back home in Egypt, and when she started asking so many questions and constantly trying to force herself into the middle of other important things in my life I started to lose attraction for her, even though she was a total 10, many of my guy friends had feelings for her and I knew that later on. She was a great girl, but neediness and fear of losing someone will always deter them away from you. DO NOT place other people in the center of your life, because true love happens in such a way that the other person feels free to live their life and take care of everything else but still feel valued by the other end of the relationship. Hope that made things clearer to you. Get out there and start talking to more guys, that's how you will begin to move on and eventually find another great guy for you.
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elsa-s
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Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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(Original post by Karimbayoumi)
In situations like this, its completely normal to feel that way, of course it will hurt when someone who loved us or made us feel loved leaves all of a sudden and moves on we will be devastated. It isn't a normal thing so the pain you are going through is understandable.

But your mindset is part of the problem, the fact that you made him the centre of your life is the problem. From what you said, I do believe that you could have acted needy and unconfident, thats what we as people tend to do when someone backs away. So then we try to force things upon them and convince them to come back but thats not how it works. To put it simply, he wasn't playing games, he did have feelings for you and cared but you drove him away because you kept asking him to make you the centre of his life and thats not a healthy relationship. Instead you should have given him the space he needed and focused more on yourself. Now he is away hooking up with another girl because you drove him away due to you making him feel obliged to make you the most important thing in his life.

My advice is you need to go out and start opening up and talking to more guys. He was a great guy but there are other plenty great guys who you may never get the chance to meet and help you move on if you keep locking yourself up and thinking that this is the end. Not every relationship will work, that's life. It was a great relationship to you sure but it ended and you need to get your head out of what happened because it will never change, and start thinking that this will lead you to meet other great guys anywhere else and someone will eventually click with you again.

I am a guy btw, had a beautiful relationship with a girl back home in Egypt, and when she started asking so many questions and constantly trying to force herself into the middle of other important things in my life I started to lose attraction for her, even though she was a total 10, many of my guy friends had feelings for her and I knew that later on. She was a great girl, but neediness and fear of losing someone will always deter them away from you. DO NOT place other people in the center of your life, because true love happens in such a way that the other person feels free to live their life and take care of everything else but still feel valued by the other end of the relationship. Hope that made things clearer to you. Get out there and start talking to more guys, that's how you will begin to move on and eventually find another great guy for you.
thanks for your response
To be entirely honest he treated me very badly towards the end, and his final message 'sounds perfect to me', when I told him it was better to break things off, was very salty an uncalled fore
he would only call once every 2 days (always past 10pm) and would rarely let me know when would come over (he lives quite far)

And I did give him his space, and never asked to be the center of his life, it was just small comments like 'you're quite unreliable when it comes to texting/timings', and the only true 'invasive' question I asked him was 'do you still like me'
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tornbeyondreason
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You will get over it, it will just take time. I accepted a long time ago that everything is temporary and since then I’ve found an inner peace. I was completely smitten with a guy who was in my life for 6 months, we would text everyday/see each other most weekends. But because of other problems he called it off. It’s been 5 months now and I do think about him occasionally, but I’m not upset anymore. You just need to treasure and remember the happiness you experienced at that time. I don’t doubt that he genuinely liked you but humans are very fickle creatures and feelings can alter overnight. You may be questioning if anything was real but that is counterintuitive. There are plenty more men out there that you will be compatible with - you shouldn’t have to fight for someone to be interested in you. He has clearly made his decision and although it is a bitter pill to swallow, you just need to move on. You need to work on yourself, a guy will not make you complete, you need to be self assured in yourself. No one likes desperation and it seems this guy could sense how reliant you were on his presence in your life, a guy should never be number one priority.
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