Lord of the flies

I wrote an opening paragraph on the question “how does Golding explore ideas about innocence in LOTF?” Any feedback/improvements would be greatly appreciated (+what is an effective way to start the second paragraph after this?):

Golding explores ideas about loss of innocence throughout the novel to suggest that as the boys lose innocence, they become more savage. This links to a Darwinian interpretation because Darwin argued that we have evolved from primates, and a common fear is that we may regress back down the evolutionary scale.

Reply 1

Juno

20

Original post by Kurlywurly

I wrote an opening paragraph on the question “how does Golding explore ideas about innocence in LOTF?” Any feedback/improvements would be greatly appreciated (+what is an effective way to start the second paragraph after this?):

Golding explores ideas about loss of innocence throughout the novel to suggest that as the boys lose innocence, they become more savage. This links to a Darwinian interpretation because Darwin argued that we have evolved from primates, and a common fear is that we may regress back down the evolutionary scale.

You need proof. This means that you need quotes to back up your ideas. At the moment, you're just a bit vague about what happens in the book, and then you go off in a tangent about Darwin - and Darwin isn't in the book or the question, so won't get you any marks.

Reply 2

Sanjana345

3

come up with a clear point that you would like to argue and always back your point up with a quotation. for an opening it's best to bring a point up as an overall message and break that down into 3-4 points through the essay and how it's shown/portrayed in various parts of the book. bring context into it when you're doing your peel paragraphs

Reply 3

Kurlywurly

OP

3

Original post by Juno

You need proof. This means that you need quotes to back up your ideas. At the moment, you're just a bit vague about what happens in the book, and then you go off in a tangent about Darwin - and Darwin isn't in the book or the question, so won't get you any marks.

Thanks! I think a lot of my issues involve going on tangents that aren't likely to benefit my writing so that's something to keep in mind. In the next few paragraphs i tried to embed the proof to support my opening one.