I don't want to be depressed and maybe that's why I'm posting here for some form of validation from you guys.
For the past year, I've had times of immense sadness where I go into my room and have just cried and hated myself and everything about myself. I've not spoken to anyone about it because I don't feel I can.
I've not had suicidal thoughts for years now so maybe that's the main reason I don't think I have depression but I'm just really sad. I do have some deeply ingrained self-loathing and I can't explain it but I just hate everything about myself.
Recently though, I've become so jumpy, everything frightens me. 3-4x daily I get palpitations and I'm just lying in bed and I'm scared for something so trivial and I don't know why and I hate it. I think it's beginning to affect my University work, I can't stay motivated.
I've recently reached out to my old friends before I went to university and they all seem so happy and busy, they don't have time for me and now I really don't know who to go to.
I don't want to be diagnosed with depression so I can't go to a doctor or anything.
Has anyone experienced anything similar and got out of it?
...Should I go back to school?