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How to end a text conversation when they won't stop watch

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    I was mates with a guy and we would text all the time. He knew that I didn't want anything and just wanted to be friends but because I would reply to his messages I guess he thought I may one day be open to the idea of dating. Anyway I decided one day we just need to cut things off because he needed to move on and it was getting tiring having to reply even though I would heavily hint that I didn't want to talk. Short replies, late replies etc.
    For the next few months he would message every now and again with some sort of reason and it got to the point again where we had to have another conversation. He said he could tell I didn't want to talk but he just couldn't give up and he'd never want the conversation to end.
    Recently we bumped into each other on a night out and he messaged the next day asking if I had a good night and asking how things were. Then he'd do the thing where he doesn't reply very late at night so that he can reply in the morning and keep the conversation going til the next day.

    I don't want to be harsh because we were once good friends and it's a bit unfair to make him think I never want to talk to him again. It's just I can't let this get into regular messaging again. I've been replying slowly and keeping them short, not asking questions etc. but he always manages to keep the conversation going, sending long thought out messages or questions that I can't ignore.
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    Obviously if he was some random guy I'd just not reply, but I don't want to be mean because I've already hurt him before. Plus I know what it feels like when you really want to talk to an ex and you don't care what it's about you just want a little bit of communication. Thing is though, I've always had enough self restraint but it seems he doesn't. I feel mean to make a big deal about it and say we should probably stop talking again because we should be able to at least be friends right? But the thing is I don't even like him much as a friend now and I don't really want him in my life
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    Why do you have to reply? It's really simple. Don't reply if you don't want to. Of course you can just ignore the long messages or questions. If you don't want to talk to someone then don't talk to them. I don't really see the problem here
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    Why do you have to reply? It's really simple. Don't reply if you don't want to. Of course you can just ignore the long messages or questions. If you don't want to talk to someone then don't talk to them. I don't really see the problem here
    Because I don't want to be mean to him. Bit immature to just completely blank someone's messages, especially because we used to be close friends. It's not that he was ever a horrible person I just wasn't attracted to him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Because I don't want to be mean to him. Bit immature to just completely blank someone's messages, especially because we used to be close friends. It's not that he was ever a horrible person I just wasn't attracted to him
    I don't see what's immature about it. If this person is bothering you (which it's evident they are) then you either straight up tell them they're bothering you or you don't reply to them so they get the message. In all honesty the immature thing to do is to just let it carry on. He probably still thinks he has a chance or something because you keep replying.

    If you don't want to talk to him then either tell him or stop talking to him. If you don't want to talk to him but also don't want to stop talking to him (i.e. blanking) then I don't really know what you're expecting to happen. If he is being a pain then you have to tell him, his feelings are not more important than yours, and to keep replying could be seen as leading him on.
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    I don't see what's immature about it. If this person is bothering you (which it's evident they are) then you either straight up tell them they're bothering you or you don't reply to them so they get the message. In all honesty the immature thing to do is to just let it carry on. He probably still thinks he has a chance or something because you keep replying.

    If you don't want to talk to him then either tell him or stop talking to him. If you don't want to talk to him but also don't want to stop talking to him (i.e. blanking) then I don't really know what you're expecting to happen. If he is being a pain then you have to tell him, his feelings are not more important than yours, and to keep replying could be seen as leading him on.
    Right at this moment they're not exactly harassing me, I just know where this normally leads and he finds it difficult to let the conversation naturally end. Even if I don't reply, I know he'll send a message asking if I don't want to talk. It's difficult to push someone away so much when they're a nice person but they just don't seem to take hints. I don't enjoy leading people on, I never have this happen because most people know when to stop. But this guy just doesn't. My replies are so slow and so dry, anyone else would know to stop but this guy won't let go. We've had so many conversations in the past about not speaking again, but there's just always an excuse, a birthday, halloween, christmas, mutual friend stuff. Unfortunately I can't completely avoid him because we are often at the same parties and nights out. I don't really talk to any of my exes but I feel like even in 5 years time this guy is going to be wishing me a happy birthday.
    He's a good guy and a good friend but he's just too much for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was mates with a guy and we would text all the time. He knew that I didn't want anything and just wanted to be friends but because I would reply to his messages I guess he thought I may one day be open to the idea of dating. Anyway I decided one day we just need to cut things off because he needed to move on and it was getting tiring having to reply even though I would heavily hint that I didn't want to talk. Short replies, late replies etc.
    For the next few months he would message every now and again with some sort of reason and it got to the point again where we had to have another conversation. He said he could tell I didn't want to talk but he just couldn't give up and he'd never want the conversation to end.
    Recently we bumped into each other on a night out and he messaged the next day asking if I had a good night and asking how things were. Then he'd do the thing where he doesn't reply very late at night so that he can reply in the morning and keep the conversation going til the next day.

    I don't want to be harsh because we were once good friends and it's a bit unfair to make him think I never want to talk to him again. It's just I can't let this get into regular messaging again. I've been replying slowly and keeping them short, not asking questions etc. but he always manages to keep the conversation going, sending long thought out messages or questions that I can't ignore.
    tell them straight up, don't reply or give short one word-answers(this is a heavy indicator u don't wanna talk no more)
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    Agree with the above poster on this.

    You need to be cruel, to be kind. Replying the way you have been obviously hasnt worked thus far. So now you need a different tact.

    Either you say to him you can't keep texting/talking with him, as you feel this friendship isnt going anywhere, or you just simply stop replying.

    Nothing else is going to work here.

    Surly its better you're up front with him, so he knows this is going nowhere, rather than him keep on trying and holding out hope?
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    (Original post by Spongebob'sPants)
    Agree with the above poster on this.

    You need to be cruel, to be kind. Replying the way you have been obviously hasnt worked thus far. So now you need a different tact.

    Either you say to him you can't keep texting/talking with him, as you feel this friendship isnt going anywhere, or you just simply stop replying.

    Nothing else is going to work here.

    Surly its better you're up front with him, so he knows this is going nowhere, rather than him keep on trying and holding out hope?
    No I know, but I've been up front so many times. Had the conversation countless times of me saying we shouldn't talk anymore. He knows I have no interest in him but he wants me in his life regardless. Again I understand because I'd love to talk to some of my exes, just for that connection again. I do agree I need to be more harsh but it's difficult to completely ignore messages
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I know, but I've been up front so many times. Had the conversation countless times of me saying we shouldn't talk anymore. He knows I have no interest in him but he wants me in his life regardless. Again I understand because I'd love to talk to some of my exes, just for that connection again. I do agree I need to be more harsh but it's difficult to completely ignore messages
    You're not doing him any favours whatsoever. He needs to move on from you, and he cannot do that if he is in regular contact with you. Trust me. He simply wont move on from you.

    So for HIS sake... you need to end this. Just cos he wants a connection doesnt mean its right for him, or healthy for him (or you).

    Either block his number for a while so you don't receive his texts, or just simply stop replying.

    Sorry, there isnt many other alternatives.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right at this moment they're not exactly harassing me, I just know where this normally leads and he finds it difficult to let the conversation naturally end. Even if I don't reply, I know he'll send a message asking if I don't want to talk. It's difficult to push someone away so much when they're a nice person but they just don't seem to take hints. I don't enjoy leading people on, I never have this happen because most people know when to stop. But this guy just doesn't. My replies are so slow and so dry, anyone else would know to stop but this guy won't let go. We've had so many conversations in the past about not speaking again, but there's just always an excuse, a birthday, halloween, christmas, mutual friend stuff. Unfortunately I can't completely avoid him because we are often at the same parties and nights out. I don't really talk to any of my exes but I feel like even in 5 years time this guy is going to be wishing me a happy birthday.
    He's a good guy and a good friend but he's just too much for me.
    I know you say it's not exactly harassment but it does kinda sound like harassment.

    The only way he is going to get the message is if you stop being in contact with him. If you've had conversations about this before and it hasn't worked then you have two choices:
    Keep going as you are now and live with it
    Drop this person from your life completely

    If there's always for him messaging you then you have no choice but to outright block him so that those excuses never get through. He needs to move on but so do you. Blocking him and cutting contact sounds like the best solution for both of you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I know, but I've been up front so many times. Had the conversation countless times of me saying we shouldn't talk anymore. He knows I have no interest in him but he wants me in his life regardless. Again I understand because I'd love to talk to some of my exes, just for that connection again. I do agree I need to be more harsh but it's difficult to completely ignore messages
    Why don't you tell him you like someone then? Or if he asks what you're doing, tell him you're going out on a date or something.

    Or you can just give him a chance since you said he's a really nice guy. I know you said you're not attracted to him but you can just try going out with him to see how it goes.
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    Don't reply to him surely??
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    Either he is so socially unskilled that he is not seeing your massive hints, or he is seeing them (but is determined to ignore them). But either way, you have given enough hints now (and so its time to get straightforward with him).

    Tell him the situation exactly the way it is: That while you still want to be friends with him, his level of contact is too much (and a reduction in messages is needed if the friendship is not to become very strained).

    Some people overstay their welcome, its a fact of life. So do you let them live in your house (while spiting them), or do you defend your privacy & property?
    Some people are very needy for attention, its a fact of life. So do you spend endless hours trying to appease them (while spiting them), or do you draw a line somewhere and let them know that they're asking for too much?

    If you are to stand up for yourself in life, you can't always avoid any potential conflict. There are will always be some people who (knowingly or unknowingly) take too many liberties with others. And such people you need to stand firm with: there doesn't have to be mal-intent involved on his part for you to justify protecting your time and comfort zones. If he's not taking the hint, you need to get to the point on matters.

    You are also "castastrophizing the situation" (in that even though you haven't confronted him, you're already convinced it will end in a worst case scenario). I say be honest with him (tactfully), and take it from there on wards. Things will probably be fine, but if he does threaten to fall out with you completely because he can't handle you not giving him all the attention he craves, then he is someone you are better off without.
    And you must be willing to stand firm in your word.
    If the situation continues despite your clear underlining of your feelings, then be prepared to cut off contact with him completely (otherwise by continuing to tolerate his behaviour, you will be effectively condoning and encouraging more of it).
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    (Original post by Spongebob'sPants)
    You're not doing him any favours whatsoever. He needs to move on from you, and he cannot do that if he is in regular contact with you. Trust me. He simply wont move on from you.

    So for HIS sake... you need to end this. Just cos he wants a connection doesnt mean its right for him, or healthy for him (or you).

    Either block his number for a while so you don't receive his texts, or just simply stop replying.

    Sorry, there isnt many other alternatives.
    I know, we've had this conversation before. I don't want to talk to him and we don't talk regularly. But every few weeks he'll message with something. He knows I don't want to talk to him as we've already been through all of that and I've explicitly said I don't think we should talk any more. He just always finds a reason.
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    I know you say it's not exactly harassment but it does kinda sound like harassment.

    The only way he is going to get the message is if you stop being in contact with him. If you've had conversations about this before and it hasn't worked then you have two choices:
    Keep going as you are now and live with it
    Drop this person from your life completely

    If there's always for him messaging you then you have no choice but to outright block him so that those excuses never get through. He needs to move on but so do you. Blocking him and cutting contact sounds like the best solution for both of you.
    Yes I agree blocking would probably be the only option but it does seem quite harsh. He's not a bad person he just doesn't understand social cues
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    (Original post by Feastful)
    Either he is so socially unskilled that he is not seeing your massive hints, or he is seeing them (but is determined to ignore them). But either way, you have given enough hints now (and so its time to get straightforward with him).
    It's a bit of both. I thought he was so socially unskilled that he didn't realise. But after a recent chat a couple months ago (a while after our friendship ended) he said he could tell I didn't want to talk. So I think he can tell, he's just determined.

    (Original post by Feastful)
    Tell him the situation exactly the way it is: That while you still want to be friends with him, his level of contact is too much (and a reduction in messages is needed if the friendship is not to become very strained).
    Trust me I've already told him this. Even while we were friends before we officially stopped. But he seems to think oh it's been a few weeks/months I'll check in with her again. Or I'll wish her a happy bonfire night.

    (Original post by Feastful)
    Some people overstay their welcome, its a fact of life. So do you let them live in your house (while spiting them), or do you defend your privacy & property?
    Some people are very needy for attention, its a fact of life. So do you spend endless hours trying to appease them (while spiting them), or do you draw a line somewhere and let them know that they're asking for too much?

    If you are to stand up for yourself in life, you can't always avoid any potential conflict. There are will always be some people who (knowingly or unknowingly) take too many liberties with others. And such people you need to stand firm with: there doesn't have to be mal-intent involved on his part for you to justify protecting your time and comfort zones. If he's not taking the hint, you need to get to the point on matters.

    You are also "castastrophizing the situation" (in that even though you haven't confronted him, you're already convinced it will end in a worst case scenario). I say be honest with him (tactfully), and take it from there on wards. Things will probably be fine, but if he does threaten to fall out with you completely because he can't handle you not giving him all the attention he craves, then he is someone you are better off without.
    And you must be willing to stand firm in your word.
    If the situation continues despite your clear underlining of your feelings, then be prepared to cut off contact with him completely (otherwise by continuing to tolerate his behaviour, you will be effectively condoning and encouraging more of it).
    I have confronted him many times in the past. But it's just that it's started again and I'm thinking how many times is this going to happen. Unfortunately he'd never threaten or want me out of his life. I really want him to move on and find someone else which is why I told him we need to stop talking. But until we leave uni I don't think that's going to happen.

    I really don't have this kind of problem with anyone else. He's an exception.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    If you don't want to reply, simply don't.
    I know right. You give people the wrong message excuse the pun if you carry it on. Just tell them pls stop speaking to me or simply ghost them. 😐
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    (Original post by starfab)
    If you don't want to reply, simply don't.
    I know the answer seems simple but he was a good friend and we still have mutual friends.
 
 
 
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