I'm not even sure what I want to say, how I want to word it, or if I'm just making something out of nothing but I need to vent. I'll try and keep it concise yet vague as I've never been one to open up about myself.
Overview of my life: Had a decent upbringing bar a serious event I won't get into. All was well to some degree until 2011 when an immediate family member developed a serious mental illness. To cut a long story short it has been a messy situation since then, in which I can only describe my life as being immensely stressful, and this is without me talking about academics. Unfortunately that family member passed away recently.
Now let me get onto the academic side of my life and why I feel like I've been failed as well as a failure to some extent:
GCSE Results: 5A's (including Maths and English) with consistent B's across the rest.
AS-level: English Literature and Language - B
A-levels: Economics - B, ICT - B, Maths - D
Currently doing an Accounting degree in a meh uni, 2:1 for first year and on track for 2:1 for second year.
Why do I feel like a failure? And why do I feel like I've been failed?
You're probably looking at the above results and thinking they're somewhat okay right? I'd kinda agree with you to be honest, in fact, in the context of my life and background I'd say they were borderline incredible. I'd be shocked if someone in the same shoes as me did half as well. However, unfortunately I still don't believe they accurately reflect my ability and therefore I'm not content with them yet I can't beat myself up too much because of the amount of adversity I've faced. It's a weird fence to sit on for me.
I just don't believe my grades are a representation of my ability as an individual at all. When I received my A2 grades I cried because I knew I was capable of getting something along the lines of AAB. There was nothing more I wanted than to retake the A2 year but because of my sticky situation as I previously mentioned, I literally did not have a choice but to just go to university.
I'm currently looking for a year placement as the option is available as a part of my degree although I'm not holding out for much. The reason why I feel like I, as well as many others have been failed, is because not enough is done to consider the adversity that some individuals have to overcome. A piece of paper is used as the standard to distinguish people. I have categorically zero chance of getting into the big 4 simply because of my D in Maths.
The other day I had the idea of sitting a few A2's again as when I looked at my UMS marks, I already had the foundation in place to see a big change in my overall grades even with a small improvement in a module result. For example, I got an A in AS Economics, in A2 I got an A* in Micro and somehow a U in Macro (to this day I'm still confused about that), meaning all I needed was a D in Macro to get an A in Economics, but instead I got a B overall.
This idea was short lived of course since I looked online and people said employers want the grades from the first sitting anyway (god forbid rewarding people who have the drive to go back and improve if they under-achieved the first time right?).
I applied to a Grant Thornton placement the other day, pretty much at this point for sh*ts and giggles. To my surprise they actually had a question, which I can't remember exactly, but it allowed me to actually very very vaguely talk about my adversity and make an argument as to why I should be given a chance. So I poured my heart and soul into the application and whaddya know? An email saying my application was unsuccessful shortly followed lmfao. I just feel like an average joe. A was where I started and B is my end goal. I'm not sure what B is but I know at that point I'll be successful in what I do. I'm trying to put the hard work in between the two, but I just can't see how I am going to get to B when I feel like no one is giving me a length of rope from above so I can hoist myself up or a boost from below.
The thing is, I'm aware life's a b*tch and everyone faces sh*t one time or another. I just feel like for me to have achieved what I believe I am capable of, whilst taking into account the amount of sh*t I've had to deal with, I'd genuinely have to be one in a million. The system just seems to cater for a pot luck wherein if you have a few factors in your favor and you have the ability to flourish you will. If you have a few factors against you and you have the ability to flourish, you'll either be a unicorn and the cream of the crop and do amazing despite them or you'll be like me and fall short because of them. The system similarly fails people who might be carers for their parents or siblings and cannot focus on their academics. It fails people who might experience a traumatic event and they just can't bounce back for it in time to get their academics back on track. It fails a copious amount of people. I'm never going to be able to be in an interview where I can tell my employer about the adversity and my desire because of bs social conforms.
I think I'm just waffling at this point, I could happily type on for hours to vent but I'll leave it here.
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I feel like the system has failed me and many others... watch
- Thread Starter
- 04-02-2018 13:10