Argument's With Parents
I am in the lat couple of years of being a teenager and every week me and my mum have an argument. This last time was when we were sitting at the dinner table and my mum kept saying to hold my fork properly as I was holding it above instead of underneath. She said that a few times and I then went and held it properly and pretended to be posh with how I was eating (now I know that wasn't the wisest of thing's to do). I had come home from a 6 hour shift a few hours back and I had a big headache which I told her about. Also before dinner/tea she was naging (I felt it was nagging) at me to put some washing on as I have to do my washing and ironing and I didn't have any ironed cloths for sixth form and there was a pile building up on my bedroom floor. Anyhow she said something on the lines of 'you do what I say or you get out the house' and I replied back saying that she was continually nagging me to eat properly. Then we said some more but I cannot remember what it was. Then she said that I was backchatting her which I was. I then said she was back chatting me which she was. Then she got really angry and hit me (not really hard) a few times and I got up out of my chair. I don't want to go to someone because she is alright most of the time but it's these few occasions and I love her much. She said that I have to sit down until I say 'I'm sorry' or something like that nicely. I said it and started to storm off. She called me back and told me to 'put my dish in the bin then' because I hadn't finished it and after I did that I went upstairs and a few minutes later she ordered me down to clean up a little mess I caused in my hast to get upstairs. When I didn't come down in like 15 minutes she screme at me to come down even though I was comiin and at the top of the stairs. I did that and now we any talking to each other but I can hear her saying stuff like 'I would never speak to my father like that' and she asked my dad a question about me which if she had asked me I could have easily told her. It's been about 30 minutes now and I'm in my room and she's ironing.
Both my parents were shouting at me saying we are your parents and you do what we say.
I don't know if they think it's still like the 70s and hitting someone to make them do what you say is ok? I just don't know what to do as she keeps using this some tactic and it's not getting our relationship anywhere?
I get severely told off when I answer her back but she seems like it's OK for her to anewer me back. She just says stuff like your on my house and you obide by my rules and I pay for you.
I just don't know what to do?
Thanks for the replies.
Both my parents were shouting at me saying we are your parents and you do what we say.
I don't know if they think it's still like the 70s and hitting someone to make them do what you say is ok? I just don't know what to do as she keeps using this some tactic and it's not getting our relationship anywhere?
I get severely told off when I answer her back but she seems like it's OK for her to anewer me back. She just says stuff like your on my house and you obide by my rules and I pay for you.
I just don't know what to do?
Thanks for the replies.
(edited 6 years ago)
She's not asking you to do anything unreasonable.
Hold a fork properly. Put some of your dirty laundry in the wash.
Etc.
Your parents are not asking you to do these things because they want to irritate you, but because they're trying to get you in the practice of living more like an adult in anticipation for the day that you one day move out of home.
And yes, while you live under their roof, they do call the shots. Your mum may have done everything for you in the past, but you were also a child back then. Are you still a little boy, or are you an 18 year old man now?
How maturely do you think you behaved when you were doing sarcastic impressions at the table and kicking up a fuss about the fork issue?
Don't you think that a man shouldn't have to be reminded how to hold a fork properly?
Soon enough you will be living independently, and there won't be anyone to ensure that your laundry is organized, that your room is clean, that there is food on the table or that all the banking is accounted for etc. So at what point do you start doing these things?
Its a bit late to start making a proper effort only after you've moved out (and this is a major common reason why so many people struggle with moving out, finding it completely daunting etc).
Your parents don't want you to struggle with independence, they only want the best for you. They've worked hard to raise you, they love you and you love them. Its time to start putting in more effort to make them feel like they've actually raised a man (rather than a man-child).
One day you might even find yourself at an important business lunch in a fancy restaurant about to land a huge profit business deal, and as you watch the other businessman sign the contract, you may find yourself feeling a little thankful for those times your mum made proper dinner table etiquette second nature in you (instead of being that guy who automatically slumps on a chair, picks his fork up wrong, is totally confused by the array of knives/forks and generally acts like a fish out of water in the restaurant setting etc).
Maybe you can even get a girl on a date to think that you're actually a really classy up-and-coming success story kind of guy (and later make her father think "Yes, this is the kind of guy I want my daughter to go out with').
Impressions count.
Also: Never leave someone you love on an argumentative note. Life can be fleeting, and you may seriously regret your last words to someone if something terrible happened to them. My own parents had an argument with each other one day and the next day my father had died in a tragic accident. If losing her husband (who she did love a lot) wasn't bad enough, living with the fact that their last words together had been ones said in argument, made the devastation even worse.
Don't take for granted your folks. If you love them, let them know it.
Apologize and focus on having better communications with your parents. Identify the sources of conflict and see if you can both deal with such situations better (so that it isn't repeated anymore). There have been wrongs committed on both sides (and you know where you went wrong). So have an adult conversation about it. Even if your parents aren't particularly compromising, you need to realize that what they've been asking you to do is not unreasonable/terrible either.
Hold a fork properly. Put some of your dirty laundry in the wash.
Etc.
Your parents are not asking you to do these things because they want to irritate you, but because they're trying to get you in the practice of living more like an adult in anticipation for the day that you one day move out of home.
And yes, while you live under their roof, they do call the shots. Your mum may have done everything for you in the past, but you were also a child back then. Are you still a little boy, or are you an 18 year old man now?
How maturely do you think you behaved when you were doing sarcastic impressions at the table and kicking up a fuss about the fork issue?
Don't you think that a man shouldn't have to be reminded how to hold a fork properly?
Soon enough you will be living independently, and there won't be anyone to ensure that your laundry is organized, that your room is clean, that there is food on the table or that all the banking is accounted for etc. So at what point do you start doing these things?
Its a bit late to start making a proper effort only after you've moved out (and this is a major common reason why so many people struggle with moving out, finding it completely daunting etc).
Your parents don't want you to struggle with independence, they only want the best for you. They've worked hard to raise you, they love you and you love them. Its time to start putting in more effort to make them feel like they've actually raised a man (rather than a man-child).
One day you might even find yourself at an important business lunch in a fancy restaurant about to land a huge profit business deal, and as you watch the other businessman sign the contract, you may find yourself feeling a little thankful for those times your mum made proper dinner table etiquette second nature in you (instead of being that guy who automatically slumps on a chair, picks his fork up wrong, is totally confused by the array of knives/forks and generally acts like a fish out of water in the restaurant setting etc).
Maybe you can even get a girl on a date to think that you're actually a really classy up-and-coming success story kind of guy (and later make her father think "Yes, this is the kind of guy I want my daughter to go out with').
Impressions count.
Also: Never leave someone you love on an argumentative note. Life can be fleeting, and you may seriously regret your last words to someone if something terrible happened to them. My own parents had an argument with each other one day and the next day my father had died in a tragic accident. If losing her husband (who she did love a lot) wasn't bad enough, living with the fact that their last words together had been ones said in argument, made the devastation even worse.
Don't take for granted your folks. If you love them, let them know it.
Apologize and focus on having better communications with your parents. Identify the sources of conflict and see if you can both deal with such situations better (so that it isn't repeated anymore). There have been wrongs committed on both sides (and you know where you went wrong). So have an adult conversation about it. Even if your parents aren't particularly compromising, you need to realize that what they've been asking you to do is not unreasonable/terrible either.
Hi,
Thanks for that information. I get what you are saying. I will try and implement it and see how it goes.
Thanks for that information. I get what you are saying. I will try and implement it and see how it goes.
Original post by Feastful
She's not asking you to do anything unreasonable.
Hold a fork properly. Put some of your dirty laundry in the wash.
Etc.
Your parents are not asking you to do these things because they want to irritate you, but because they're trying to get you in the practice of living more like an adult in anticipation for the day that you one day move out of home.
And yes, while you live under their roof, they do call the shots. Your mum may have done everything for you in the past, but you were also a child back then. Are you still a little boy, or are you an 18 year old man now?
How maturely do you think you behaved when you were doing sarcastic impressions at the table and kicking up a fuss about the fork issue?
Don't you think that a man shouldn't have to be reminded how to hold a fork properly?
Soon enough you will be living independently, and there won't be anyone to ensure that your laundry is organized, that your room is clean, that there is food on the table or that all the banking is accounted for etc. So at what point do you start doing these things?
Its a bit late to start making a proper effort only after you've moved out (and this is a major common reason why so many people struggle with moving out, finding it completely daunting etc).
Your parents don't want you to struggle with independence, they only want the best for you. They've worked hard to raise you, they love you and you love them. Its time to start putting in more effort to make them feel like they've actually raised a man (rather than a man-child).
One day you might even find yourself at an important business lunch in a fancy restaurant about to land a huge profit business deal, and as you watch the other businessman sign the contract, you may find yourself feeling a little thankful for those times your mum made proper dinner table etiquette second nature in you (instead of being that guy who automatically slumps on a chair, picks his fork up wrong, is totally confused by the array of knives/forks and generally acts like a fish out of water in the restaurant setting etc).
Maybe you can even get a girl on a date to think that you're actually a really classy up-and-coming success story kind of guy (and later make her father think "Yes, this is the kind of guy I want my daughter to go out with').
Impressions count.
Also: Never leave someone you love on an argumentative note. Life can be fleeting, and you may seriously regret your last words to someone if something terrible happened to them. My own parents had an argument with each other one day and the next day my father had died in a tragic accident. If losing her husband (who she did love a lot) wasn't bad enough, living with the fact that their last words together had been ones said in argument, made the devastation even worse.
Don't take for granted your folks. If you love them, let them know it.
Apologize and focus on having better communications with your parents. Identify the sources of conflict and see if you can both deal with such situations better (so that it isn't repeated anymore). There have been wrongs committed on both sides (and you know where you went wrong). So have an adult conversation about it. Even if your parents aren't particularly compromising, you need to realize that what they've been asking you to do is not unreasonable/terrible either.
Hold a fork properly. Put some of your dirty laundry in the wash.
Etc.
Your parents are not asking you to do these things because they want to irritate you, but because they're trying to get you in the practice of living more like an adult in anticipation for the day that you one day move out of home.
And yes, while you live under their roof, they do call the shots. Your mum may have done everything for you in the past, but you were also a child back then. Are you still a little boy, or are you an 18 year old man now?
How maturely do you think you behaved when you were doing sarcastic impressions at the table and kicking up a fuss about the fork issue?
Don't you think that a man shouldn't have to be reminded how to hold a fork properly?
Soon enough you will be living independently, and there won't be anyone to ensure that your laundry is organized, that your room is clean, that there is food on the table or that all the banking is accounted for etc. So at what point do you start doing these things?
Its a bit late to start making a proper effort only after you've moved out (and this is a major common reason why so many people struggle with moving out, finding it completely daunting etc).
Your parents don't want you to struggle with independence, they only want the best for you. They've worked hard to raise you, they love you and you love them. Its time to start putting in more effort to make them feel like they've actually raised a man (rather than a man-child).
One day you might even find yourself at an important business lunch in a fancy restaurant about to land a huge profit business deal, and as you watch the other businessman sign the contract, you may find yourself feeling a little thankful for those times your mum made proper dinner table etiquette second nature in you (instead of being that guy who automatically slumps on a chair, picks his fork up wrong, is totally confused by the array of knives/forks and generally acts like a fish out of water in the restaurant setting etc).
Maybe you can even get a girl on a date to think that you're actually a really classy up-and-coming success story kind of guy (and later make her father think "Yes, this is the kind of guy I want my daughter to go out with').
Impressions count.
Also: Never leave someone you love on an argumentative note. Life can be fleeting, and you may seriously regret your last words to someone if something terrible happened to them. My own parents had an argument with each other one day and the next day my father had died in a tragic accident. If losing her husband (who she did love a lot) wasn't bad enough, living with the fact that their last words together had been ones said in argument, made the devastation even worse.
Don't take for granted your folks. If you love them, let them know it.
Apologize and focus on having better communications with your parents. Identify the sources of conflict and see if you can both deal with such situations better (so that it isn't repeated anymore). There have been wrongs committed on both sides (and you know where you went wrong). So have an adult conversation about it. Even if your parents aren't particularly compromising, you need to realize that what they've been asking you to do is not unreasonable/terrible either.
Well, yeah, they pay your bills and as long as you live in their house, you should do what they say, especially considering it was literally just about holding cutlery properly and putting some clothes in the wash. Not exactly like they're making you slave away every day.
Don't agree with your mum hitting you though, that's unacceptable
Don't agree with your mum hitting you though, that's unacceptable
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