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Don't know how to be happy watch

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    • Thread Starter

    I realise I have felt depressed for a long time, and I don't find pleasure in many things anymore. I think a lot of it is down to bad choices and not thinking things through.

    I enjoy my job as a learning support teacher; I'm very passionate about it. However, I was silly to accept a minimum-wage job in a country with a very high cost of living, and am now struggling to make ends meet. I'm almost 27 with a Masters and several years of work experience. I wasn't great at saving up money before so I have very little savings, and live from month-to-month. I get a small amount of help from my parents which I'm very grateful for.

    But otherwise, my life is quite limited here. I have virtually eaten in a restaurant once in 7 months; I have never been to the cinema or such, and only take public transport when it is essential as I cannot afford it. I can't really afford to travel much or save a lot of money; my contract ends in 4 months so I hope to find something better-paid.

    I have tried to make some friends here but some of them just stopped replying/making plans after some time, and I have one or two but they aren't often available.

    I have had zero luck with men for years and I'm aware again a lot of it is down to bad choices. I haven't had a relationship for 3 years almost, but have not met a single guy who wants to date me since; here or elsewhere. I met one who was interested but I just did not feel the same way. Otherwise, they have been interested in sex but have given me every line 'I just didn't feel a connection/I'm not in the right mindset for a relationship/I realised I'm still in love with my ex.'

    I was on Tinder which I realise wasn't the best site but now have stopped dating sites altogether and generally looking for men.

    I find myself being overly critical and paranoid; thinking that my friends don't actually like me or that I'm annoying people, and it's making me jump to conclusions and causing problems in my relationships. I'm afraid to push people away.

    Again, I'm lucky to have a job, some friends, family and a roof over my head. It's more than a lot, but I just feel terribly lonely and fed-up in my life. I can't even afford to see a doctor in this country. I have just felt unhappy for a long time and some days just don't see the point of getting out of bed.

    I try to exercise etc. and take walks etc. but I'm very limited in what I can actually do; having a McDonalds is literally a luxury for me here.

    Any advice? I know I need to look for a better-paid job which I plan to. I need to try to build better relationships and meet more people as well.

    How well do you know yourself?
    Do you know what you like and do not like doing?

    I recommend reading up on positive psychology. Basically increase the things you like and make you feel good and decrease the things that you don’t like and make you feel bad. If you don’t know what these things might be then a journey of self discovery and experimentation may benefit you.

    Do you like being around other people, or is it just that it is seen as the ‘normal’ thing to do?

    What other options do you have?
    Do you have any family in a better location who may be able to support you whilst you get on your feet?

    What do you want a relationship for, what unfulfilled needs do you have that might be met in another way?

    Life is difficult for the average person and life is too precious to waste time being miserable.

    I would put relationships on hold for the time being. It sounds like some self analysis may be useful to build your self esteem. Look inward to recognise and develop your own good qualities then accept yourself for those qualities instead of looking for the negative things. You are not perfect but perfection is only an abstract concept and therefore a false aspiration which can never be achieved by anyone. What you can achieve is self respect and I would begin with that. Your job does not define you so exclude that and focus on who you are as a person. You may discover things about yourself that you are less than satisfied with but only you can make that judgement and only you can choose whether or not you want to change.
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