My boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now, and these 7 months have been the best 7 months of my life , but we're both going off to uni after the summer. The thing is, my boyfriend is planning on going out to America to study and here is where the problem lies....he originally applied to American unis before we started speaking because he wanted to get away from where we lived, and now that he's found me, he doesn't want to go anymore. And I don't know what advice to give him. It'll break me to say goodbye to him, like I cry just thinking about it. But I want him to have this experience. I just don't know what to do. I have these doubts in my head because I know people think we're too young to have found love, and that we should keep our options open, but you have no idea how happy it makes me feel when we talk about our future together, about getting married, having kids. And I don't want to lose that. But I'd feel terrible if in the end we didn't work out and he didn't go to an American uni. Like I've Had an okay experience with seeing love, like my parents love each other but they're not in love with each which is what I always want to have with my partner. I just don't know what to do cause I don't want to lose him and he doesn't want to lose me so he really doesn't want to go to America anymore. Like I know I love him cause I would die for him, and he makes me a happier person and I feel more comfortable in myself.
x Turn on thread page Beta
- Thread Starter
- 04-02-2018 23:27
- 04-02-2018 23:36
There's loads of ways this could go:
- he goes to America for uni
- you both go to America for uni
-he doesn't go but you both plan a trip to America in the future
-he could do one year there and then transfer back to his hometown/nearest uni
-depending on the course he could do a placement year in america
He just needs to think about what it is exactly that he hopes to gain from going to uni in america and see if he is able to gain the same or close enough a different way
- 04-02-2018 23:55
From what I've experienced, it is usually not a good idea to change your uni plans based on what your significant other wants to do. Take a moment (and tell him to do it too!) to think objectively about what YOU want from your university experience, the relationship notwithstanding. That's not to say that you need to go to the same university or break up - on the contrary, it can sometimes be helpful to have your own lives apart as well as together. This sounds like something your boyfriend has been working towards for a long time, and a fantastic opportunity at that.
Speaking from experience, my parents started going out before they went to different universities (bearing in mind this was before the internet was a thing and their only options were to write, phone or meet up). 20 years of marriage, several house moves and three kids later - no problems
Saying goodbye for a term will be tough, but it's tough because it sounds like you're in love. I'm sure that many people will reassure you that you'll be able to see each other over Skype which, although a cliche, really does help! Spending all day, every day together is not a prerequisite for a relationship anyway - many, many people find ways to make it work long distance.
Finally, spending a little more time apart might bring new depths to your relationship that you'd never thought about before. I've known friends who've been in relationships that have spent time apart (one went on a gap year, the other to uni) and despite the missing each other, they realised new things about themselves. Things they liked and hadn't appreciated until they were gone, things they didn't like and hadn't noticed until they weren't there.
In summary, I wouldn't change long-laid plans last minute out of fear of missing each other. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you - don't worry about the next couple of years