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Did going to University change your old friendships? watch

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    I'm an older student (28) close to graduating, and uni was the most life changing experience ever, for personal growth, the way I see the world and my understanding of who I am. I'm passionate about career and even considering entrepreneurship.

    I've started to notice I have F'all in common with my old school friends, more than ever. They all like sports and gambling and I couldn't care less, I'm more artistic.

    In the last 12 months I gradually lost a friendship with a guy I've known since I was 13 because I had no respect for him and vice versa, we drifted apart. Whenever we cross paths the vibe is awkward and full of contempt. I couldn't stand the fact he smoked weed daily, went out binge drinking multiple times a week, and that he had no drive to better himself, on top of the fact he was passive-aggressive and lived like a bum.

    This time, with another old friend who I've been very close with in the last 2 years, I've started to resent him because I realised he's still a kid in the head and refuses to grow up and face adult life at 29.
    He's now started to go out drinking with younger people and stopped inviting me because he knows I only want to go out once a month at the most for financial reasons. I'm also now trying to quit drinking because the cons out-weigh the pros for me, it gives me major problems.

    This guy lives with his mother, unemployed and doesn't have a care in the world about changing that or any concern about the fact his life is passing him by. Instead, I've concluded that he goes out drinking regularly to bury his head in the sand to avoid reality. He also kept going back to his horrible ex gf even though I told him over and over it would never work.

    I've realised he's actually a loser with no ambition or shame.

    I'm now realising I never had anything in common with these friends and I have more ambition than them, I want to get a good job and live in a bigger city, mine is too small and dead-end, while these people continue to do the same things week in, week out. I think I've become a snob or something. Is ditching people with opposite ideologies a good idea?
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    I know someone like that. He lived in my home town and I've known him since we were kids.

    I've done my GCSEs, A Levels and at uni with a job but he's still living at home after failing all his GCSEs, on benefits, and doing sweet FA to find a job/ get a life. I've gone back home recently and met up with this guy. He's moved out of his mom's and into his gf's parents' house, still doing nothing except humping the gf and getting her pregnant. He'll prob use the kid to get more benefit money. As he has no money, I paid for meals and drinks and he ate and drank load not caring I'm paying for it. He talked about us going on holiday together (he knows I spent a year in Europe), but I get the impression he expects me to pay for both of us as I've got money and he hasn't & I'll do it as a mate. When we left the pub, he had the cheek to ask me for money. I told I need it to travel back to uni. I know I'll never get it back if I let him have it.

    I don't have an issue with him choosing his life style (it's his life after all), but I'm not OK with him expecting me to bankroll his visits to the pub/holidays/fun for life.

    I feel sad to lose a friend but I guess we are moving in different directions with our lives that we have nothing in common any more.
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    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    I know someone like that. He lived in my home town and I've known him since we were kids.

    I've done my GCSEs, A Levels and at uni with a job but he's still living at home after failing all his GCSEs, on benefits, and doing sweet FA to find a job/ get a life. I've gone back home recently and met up with this guy. He's moved out of his mom's and into his gf's parents' house, still doing nothing except humping the gf and getting her pregnant. He'll prob use the kid to get more benefit money. As he has no money, I paid for meals and drinks and he ate and drank load not caring I'm paying for it. He talked about us going on holiday together (he knows I spent a year in Europe), but I get the impression he expects me to pay for both of us as I've got money and he hasn't & I'll do it as a mate. When we left the pub, he had the cheek to ask me for money. I told I need it to travel back to uni. I know I'll never get it back if I let him have it.

    I don't have an issue with him choosing his life style (it's his life after all), but I'm not OK with him expecting me to bankroll his visits to the pub/holidays/fun for life.

    I feel sad to lose a friend but I guess we are moving in different directions with our lives that we have nothing in common any more.
    That's such a sad way to live. The first guy I mentioned did that too, he'd very often ask me for money to pay for his drinks and I'd feel awkward as hell so I always agreed in the end. Manipulated me over the phone for favours, always asked me for lifts in the car too.
    I'm glad we're not friends anymore, he'll never change.
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    Nah, I had binned everyone from school off way before that point.
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    It's a tricky one. I went to university straight after college and I'm only now just finishing my course at 21, but I experienced a lot of the same things that you have - personal growth, world view changes, and it made me really aware of all the ideological differences that existed before with old friends and that were emerging with new ones. The sad fact of the matter is that these sorts of things, particularly if these people are vastly different from you, can make you want to spend less time around them, but the trap that you can fall into there is considering yourself superior to these people in some way because, really naturally, you hold your personal world view in higher regard. But I think keeping people around that might have hugely differing views from yours is actually a really good thing, you don't necessarily have to cut ties with them. They keep you grounded in the fact that they offer the possibility that perhaps your world view isn't the only one with merit, and they can offer you experiences that you wouldn't find elsewhere. On top of all that I guess it's just nice to have a link to your past so you can look back at it and think to yourself how much you've changed for the better. But I wouldn't cut ties with these people, even though you might outgrow them a bit, maybe you'd be able to help them make changes for the better for themselves too
 
 
 
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