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If anyone enjoys giving relationship advice; here you go

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"the one" will come at you unexpectedly so dont look for love live with love. its easier to tell someone that they arent the one for you if: A) your 100% sure B) you care for them in a freinds only way C) you do it when you are comfortable doing it.
Original post by Joshyouare
Been with a girl now for just over 2 months.

She's one of the sweetest, kind-hearted girls I've ever been with. I see her fairly often (enough). She's very into me.

I'm not 100% sure but I don't think i'm too into her. I find her fairly attractive physically. She gives me everything I could want from a relationship I just don't think that she is the one.

When going on nights out recently - starting to get a bit more attention from girls I find my mind wandering a bit; obviously never acting on these things but nevertheless, isn't the fact my mind is wandering meaning i'm not happy currently.

The only thing is, when I think of day to day life without her it sort of upsets me. But if she's not the one for me which I don't think she is - is it not cruel to lead her on because she's quite into me?


Well tbh at 2 months in it would be weird if you did know she was absolutely the one. That said, 'fairly attractive' is not really a great description and it doesn't seem like you like her as much. I think give it another week or so and then end it, there's nothing worse than dragging it on, especially after the breakup when she thinks back and sees you were just leading her on because you were too cowardly. She deserves someone who thinks the absolute world of her. It's bound to upset you a bit and you will probably miss her even if it was the right decision because she's someone you've spent so much time with and have built such a connection with. As someone who has been dumped for similar reasons (him not seeing a long term future so didn't want to do long distance), I think it's best to do it as soon as, instead of just keeping her around for your own comfort and benefit.
Again all that being said, I know a lot of happy couples who have had doubts along their relationship and have been close to breaking up. They powered through and are happier than ever. But yeah it sounds like you weren't that into her to start with so maybe just end it
Original post by Joshyouare
Been with a girl now for just over 2 months.

She's one of the sweetest, kind-hearted girls I've ever been with. I see her fairly often (enough). She's very into me.

I'm not 100% sure but I don't think i'm too into her. I find her fairly attractive physically. She gives me everything I could want from a relationship I just don't think that she is the one.

When going on nights out recently - starting to get a bit more attention from girls I find my mind wandering a bit; obviously never acting on these things but nevertheless, isn't the fact my mind is wandering meaning i'm not happy currently.

The only thing is, when I think of day to day life without her it sort of upsets me. But if she's not the one for me which I don't think she is - is it not cruel to lead her on because she's quite into me?


Listen yeah, stop being such an *******. You're going to cheat on her or something and then she's going to get hurt and that makes you a mean person.
Original post by Anonymous
Listen yeah, stop being such an *******. You're going to cheat on her or something and then she's going to get hurt and that makes you a mean person.


Well said. Lot of class about that message. Firstly, i've had several opportunities to cheat which I haven't even glanced at. And secondly, the whole point of the post is to see what is the best way in going about it - and not to upset her.
Only way not to upset her is be up front about it and tell her to her face.

Given that she is attractive and does everything for you may mean you never get it this good again. If you do go through with it then I hope she doesn’t take you back if you were to realise a mistake (no offence).
Original post by accountant-future
Only way not to upset her is be up front about it and tell her to her face.

Given that she is attractive and does everything for you may mean you never get it this good again. If you do go through with it then I hope she doesn’t take you back if you were to realise a mistake (no offence).


Absolutely mate, I wouldn't be going back to her even if I realised that I liked her more than I thought - I don't want to mess with her emotions again and again.
Original post by Joshyouare
Absolutely mate, I wouldn't be going back to her even if I realised that I liked her more than I thought - I don't want to mess with her emotions again and again.

You best end it face to face ASAP if you’re certain that you don’t want to be with her.

I, like others on this thread, don’t understand why you’re not feeling as strongly about the relationship as she does (especially when you haven’t had a bad word to say about her) but it’s your life. You live by your decisions with minimal regrets if possible.
Original post by accountant-future
You best end it face to face ASAP if you’re certain that you don’t want to be with her.

I, like others on this thread, don’t understand why you’re not feeling as strongly about the relationship as she does (especially when you haven’t had a bad word to say about her) but it’s your life. You live by your decisions with minimal regrets if possible.


As someone else mentioned I think, I don't want to sleep around and try and be sleeping with as many girls as possible because that's just not me - never has been. But I do kind of want the freedom. From my point of view: I can manage myself, I'm strong minded, can deal with all my emotions by myself for the most part.

So from your point of view, do you believe that you should know when you've found the right person? Practically I have, because like I said she gives me everything. But Psychologically I don't think I'm in love with her and doubt I will be.
Original post by Joshyouare


The only thing is, when I think of day to day life without her it sort of upsets me.


I think that's your answer right there. When in love, the idea of being without a person can be so devastating you can barely breathe. 'Sort of upsets me' indicted to me that this is not the romance of the decade.

Its probably that she is very nice and sweet, and you care for her feelings and don't want to upset her that its negging you out. Probably best just to call it a day, its only been 2 months - give it a few years and you will barely remember each others names.
(edited 6 years ago)
the best advice anyone to give you if to talk about all of this with her. i know it can be hard to be honest with people especially when you care about them but the truth is better than a lie that will hurt both you and her.
in relationships there will always be ups and downs and the best thing to do is to talk with your partner about both of your insecurities and you can solve them together and this is what makes relationships so special when both partners talk to eachother as it can help them grow as a couple.

I guess the rest is up to you to decide on where you want to take your relationship with eachother just remember that the truth is better than a lie as lies can hurt so much more.

keep me updated on how things go :smile:
Reply 30
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sudent
12
Original post by ANJXLA
I think you should end it with her because I feel like you're going to end up hurting her in the long term.


She already seems attached though, talk first, don't make a whole decision yourself.
If anyone is interested, I spoke to the girl this thread is on tonight and whilst mid conversation I realised how lucky I was to have her, so I ended up talking to her about it and we should be in a good place now.
Original post by Joshyouare
If anyone is interested, I spoke to the girl this thread is on tonight and whilst mid conversation I realised how lucky I was to have her, so I ended up talking to her about it and we should be in a good place now.


That's lovely. What did you tell her and what did she say? Just curious because if a guy told me what you said in your original post, I would probably break up with him
Reply 33
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RLinds
11
Original post by Joshyouare
Been with a girl now for just over 2 months.

She's one of the sweetest, kind-hearted girls I've ever been with. I see her fairly often (enough). She's very into me.

I'm not 100% sure but I don't think i'm too into her. I find her fairly attractive physically. She gives me everything I could want from a relationship I just don't think that she is the one.

When going on nights out recently - starting to get a bit more attention from girls I find my mind wandering a bit; obviously never acting on these things but nevertheless, isn't the fact my mind is wandering meaning i'm not happy currently.

The only thing is, when I think of day to day life without her it sort of upsets me. But if she's not the one for me which I don't think she is - is it not cruel to lead her on because she's quite into me?


is it the comfort of her treating and liking you so well that makes you think you would miss her?
it sounds like you want to like her, but deep down you know you can't? don't lead her on if she isn't what you want
Original post by Anonymous
That's lovely. What did you tell her and what did she say? Just curious because if a guy told me what you said in your original post, I would probably break up with him


We came to the conclusion together that you don't need to feel "butterflies" to love someone. I told her that I've always loved her as a person (which is true), in terms of "falling in love" I told her that I don't know if I have yet, but because I love her as a person so much I would like to continue things and see where we end up (this was all asked as question - not just telling her what I want).

I was basically thinking about one particular comment earlier on this thread saying "you may not ever get someone like her again" - I paired that with how I felt when I thought about her not being there and it was enough for me and her to be happy (again this is after listening to her - i'm just telling it from my perspective). Basically, i'm lucky to have her, and I should use that as my reasoning to stay with her as well as loving her to bits as a person. If I start to feel doubtful in the future I think i'll just have to talk to her. I hope I don't as if I do fall in love with her it will be very much perfect.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Joshyouare
We came to the conclusion together that you don't need to feel "butterflies" to love someone. I told her that I've always loved her as a person (which is true), in terms of "falling in love" I told her that I don't know if I have yet, but because I love her as a person so much I would like to continue things and see where we end up (this was all asked as question - not just telling her what I want).

I was basically thinking about one particular comment earlier on this thread saying "you may not ever get someone like her again" - I paired that with how I felt when I thought about her not being there and it was enough for me and her to be happy (again this is after listening to her - i'm just telling it from my perspective). Basically, i'm lucky to have her, and I should use that as my reasoning to stay with her as well as loving her to bits as a person. If I start to feel doubtful in the future I think i'll just have to talk to her. I hope I don't as if I do fall in love with her it will be very much perfect.


That's cute, I'm glad things have worked out for you. Good that you're both understanding and good communicators. That's where a lot of relationships crumble. 2 months is too early to be falling in love anyway I think. A lot of people just throw that word around but it's good that you're thinking about things more realistically, stopping and thinking instead of just getting swept up. Good luck to you both.
Give it time, this could easily be the person you marry, it’s normal to feel like you don’t want to get into relationships at first
You sound like you're terribly confused, and you don't know if she is.

You think you're not that into her possibly cuz despite being so attractive and smart she seems into you. You've already won her and there's no novelty for you in it anymore.

Or you've got some commitment issues. In essence you can't decide if you want to have a relationship with her or keep looking for someone better.

It would be best to not try and think ahead and just enjoy the moment as you seem to like her company. Let time decide upon your friendship/relationship.
Original post by Joshyouare
We came to the conclusion together that you don't need to feel "butterflies" to love someone. I told her that I've always loved her as a person (which is true), in terms of "falling in love" I told her that I don't know if I have yet, but because I love her as a person so much I would like to continue things and see where we end up (this was all asked as question - not just telling her what I want).

I was basically thinking about one particular comment earlier on this thread saying "you may not ever get someone like her again" - I paired that with how I felt when I thought about her not being there and it was enough for me and her to be happy (again this is after listening to her - i'm just telling it from my perspective). Basically, i'm lucky to have her, and I should use that as my reasoning to stay with her as well as loving her to bits as a person. If I start to feel doubtful in the future I think i'll just have to talk to her. I hope I don't as if I do fall in love with her it will be very much perfect.


I like it when people update the readers here and we know what happened.

Best of luck to you and your girlfriend. You passed test #1 which is developing an open line of communication. What you had to say to her couldn't have been easy but you were open and honest and she was with you as well. Very well done!
Original post by apollohelios
You sound like you're terribly confused, and you don't know if she is.

You think you're not that into her possibly cuz despite being so attractive and smart she seems into you. You've already won her and there's no novelty for you in it anymore.

Or you've got some commitment issues. In essence you can't decide if you want to have a relationship with her or keep looking for someone better.

It would be best to not try and think ahead and just enjoy the moment as you seem to like her company. Let time decide upon your friendship/relationship.


Yeah, that's some good advice; thanks. I'll let time decide I guess, i'm not like, 100% committing because of how young I am but just going to take it as it comes.

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