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Forgiving him for messaging other people watch

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    Has anyone got any experience of forgiving their other half for messaging other women explicit messages? He’s given his reasons which I sort of understand. He has promised not to do it again. I really love him and I can see a future but I’m scared he will hurt me again. I want to give it a go but I’m so unsure if it is the right thing to do. Does anyone have any experience or know anyone who has been able to make it work?
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    He will do it again.
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    I'm in the process of that now. It is easier the more you talk about it. Don't hide how you feel. I wrote my partner a letter with all my thoughts. Took me an hour to write because I had so much to say I couldn't say face to face because I would cry.
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    Out of interest, what reasons has he given that you understand? It seems a bit dubious from an outside perspective that you'd be willing to forgive him because he had understandable reasons.
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    There's no justifiable reason for cheating. If he has somehow convinced you that the "reasons" are believable then you're being manipulated.

    The relationship won't be the same again, he has ruined the trust. I suggest you cut your losses and run.
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    Out of interest, what reasons has he given that you understand? It seems a bit dubious from an outside perspective that you'd be willing to forgive him because he had understandable reasons.
    Our relationship has never really been easy. We are both quite closed off and have been afraid to let people in. He has told me that he is always afraid that I am just going to end it with him and then he will be alone again. His friends live about an hour away from where we live so he doesn’t see them that much and he gets lonely when I’m not around. He craves the attention. He has said that he knew it was wrong though and realised he needed to stop about a month before I found out. We have been very open with eachother since and I have been telling him how I feel and my worries for the future etc. He tells me how much he hates what he has done to me and will do whatever I need him to do to make it work. I do believe this as why would he stick around after I found out?
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    (Original post by UWS)
    There's no justifiable reason for cheating. If he has somehow convinced you that the "reasons" are believable then you're being manipulated.

    The relationship won't be the same again, he has ruined the trust. I suggest you cut your losses and run.
    I am very aware that I could just be being a pushover but I genuinely believe him. I know the relationship will not be the same again. Could it not make us stronger? If he has realised how much of a mistake he has made? I do not know why I haven’t run away already maybe it’s because I truly love him and can see a future with him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am very aware that I could just be being a pushover but I genuinely believe him. I know the relationship will not be the same again. Could it not make us stronger? If he has realised how much of a mistake he has made? I do not know why I haven’t run away already maybe it’s because I truly love him and can see a future with him.
    How can him cheating on you possibly make the relationship stronger?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in the process of that now. It is easier the more you talk about it. Don't hide how you feel. I wrote my partner a letter with all my thoughts. Took me an hour to write because I had so much to say I couldn't say face to face because I would cry.
    I have been able to tell and ask him everything face to face. Or I have text him through the day when it’s all got a bit much. How do you deal with the betrayal and the fear of it happening again. One minute I feel ok about it and feel I can deal with it and then the next I don’t feel like I can ever trust him again!
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    (Original post by UWS)
    How can him cheating on you possibly make the relationship stronger?
    He hasn’t physically cheated on me. I know it’s emotional but I can sort of understand why he was doing it as I have felt like it in the past. It’s potentially making us stronger because we are actually talking to eachother on a deeper level. Actually communicating how we feel about eachother.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Our relationship has never really been easy. We are both quite closed off and have been afraid to let people in. He has told me that he is always afraid that I am just going to end it with him and then he will be alone again. His friends live about an hour away from where we live so he doesn’t see them that much and he gets lonely when I’m not around. He craves the attention. He has said that he knew it was wrong though and realised he needed to stop about a month before I found out. We have been very open with eachother since and I have been telling him how I feel and my worries for the future etc. He tells me how much he hates what he has done to me and will do whatever I need him to do to make it work. I do believe this as why would he stick around after I found out?
    Take this with a grain of salt, I don't know you guys, I don't know how you act together irl ect. But from an outside perspective, this seems really off to me. It sounds like he's making excuses a little. How exactly did you find out about the messages? Did he actually stop a month before you found out?
    I don't think I could stay with my gf if she did this to me.

    I think he's probably sticking around because he really does like you and you're good for him, he just seems quite selfish and you have to ask yourself is he good for you?
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    Take this with a grain of salt, I don't know you guys, I don't know how you act together irl ect. But from an outside perspective, this seems really off to me. It sounds like he's making excuses a little. How exactly did you find out about the messages? Did he actually stop a month before you found out?
    I don't think I could stay with my gf if she did this to me.

    I think he's probably sticking around because he really does like you and you're good for him, he just seems quite selfish and you have to ask yourself is he good for you?
    We honestly have such a good time together and get on really well. We have the same interests etc and have. A great time together. Yes we have had a few downs.. my mental health isn’t always the most stable. He has been very supportive through it when I believe a lot of guys would have just ran. I probably haven’t made him feel the most secure and there are parts of our relationship that need work.

    I found out by going through his old phone. He had actually never given my any reason to doubt him but I let my curiosity get the better of me. As far as I could tell he had. Stopped the month before as he only had his new phone for about a week. He has now said I can have full access to his phone whenever I want.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We honestly have such a good time together and get on really well. We have the same interests etc and have. A great time together. Yes we have had a few downs.. my mental health isn’t always the most stable. He has been very supportive through it when I believe a lot of guys would have just ran. I probably haven’t made him feel the most secure and there are parts of our relationship that need work.
    While that may be true, I don't think emotionally (or any other type of) cheating is excusable.
    That said, I think I can tell what you really want to do is to stay with him and to make it work. So I'd say go for it if you believe in yourselves, obviously you have more experience in your own relationship then me and if you think that can work for you and he's really not going to do this ever again, I'd say try it.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I found out by going through his old phone. He had actually never given my any reason to doubt him but I let my curiosity get the better of me. As far as I could tell he had. Stopped the month before as he only had his new phone for about a week. He has now said I can have full access to his phone whenever I want.
    Not gonna lie, this was bad. You really shouldn't have done that and you shouldn't do it again. Even if you have full access, don't be checking his phone. It wont work if you don't trust him anymore, it'll just be stress and paranoia. You both need to genuinely believe he wont do it again, if it's gonna work from now.

    Good luck to you OP, whatever you do.
 
 
 
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