Is it normal for my mother to expect birthday and Christmas presents?

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DrawTheLine
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#21
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#21
You're wondering why people are assuming things about you, it's because you're sounding like an ungrateful, awful person.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
this is basically all she contributes to my finances.
Once you're 18 you are no longer your parent's responsibility. She doesn't have to contribute anything. Anything she does is by her own choice and good nature.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
a parent should help their children at university unless they can't... I got no trust fund from them
No, a parent shouldn't be expected to financially support their adult child. As I said above, if your parent does then that's their choice. I'm not given money by my parents, however I know my dad will help me out if I get in a situation. Also, with the trust fund, don't expect your extended family to be giving you money. That's a horrible view to have that your grandparents owe you financial support. Again, it's out of the kindness of their hearts that they chose to save money for you.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
she basically doesn't contribute to my maintenance while at uni
Because she has no obligation to! Stop expecting people to hand you money just because you feel you're owed it.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
The real world is a dreadful place that I am very unwilling to join.
Well tough, you have no choice. You're in the real world. You have to earn your own money and spend it wisely. Stop moaning and get on with it.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
Can't cook. Cleaning is a bit absurd at my age. ... She has lived off her parents her entire life, I'm more responsible and plan to work. I don't need money.
Why can't you cook? There's no excuse unless you're physically unable to learn. Why is cleaning "absurd" at the age of 20? Also, you've been moaning about how your mum doesn't give you any money for university, so you can't moan about her living off her parents when you sound like you want to do the exact same thing.
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gjd800
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#22
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#22
This guy is coming across as the very definition of 'entitled'.
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Integer
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#23
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#23
If you don't have a good relationship with her then don't
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jkls92
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#24
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#24
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You're wondering why people are assuming things about you, it's because you're sounding like an ungrateful, awful person.

Once you're 18 you are no longer your parent's responsibility. She doesn't have to contribute anything. Anything she does is by her own choice and good nature.

No, a parent shouldn't be expected to financially support their adult child. As I said above, if your parent does then that's their choice. I'm not given money by my parents, however I know my dad will help me out if I get in a situation. Also, with the trust fund, don't expect your extended family to be giving you money. That's a horrible view to have that your grandparents owe you financial support. Again, it's out of the kindness of their hearts that they chose to save money for you.

Because she has no obligation to! Stop expecting people to hand you money just because you feel you're owed it.

Well tough, you have no choice. You're in the real world. You have to earn your own money and spend it wisely. Stop moaning and get on with it.

Why can't you cook? There's no excuse unless you're physically unable to learn. Why is cleaning "absurd" at the age of 20? Also, you've been moaning about how your mum doesn't give you any money for university, so you can't moan about her living off her parents when you sound like you want to do the exact same thing.
Thank you for another post judging me.

Look, the "real world" is not the same for everyone. I don't need to earn money at the moment and do not worry, I'll earn enough to spend stupidly (which I already do). I take my future financial responsibilities (with respect to my children's to be school fees and houses to inherit) seriously enough, else I'd be reading something lofty, travelling, playing sports and idling as my mother has done all her life and my father did until he had a child.

I don't have to excuse myself with you for being unable to cook. I can build an LBO model on Excel (sort of) and translate Latin/Ancient Greek. I guess you can't yet I'm not calling you out for that.

I have cleaners for my uni apartment and at home so I definitely don't clean. I see how a young teen could do his parents a favour by tiding up the house, but that's certainly not appropriate for a 20 years old as a birthday gift to his mother.

I simply expect a person who has lived off her parents her entire life to be comfortable with the idea of contributing something towards her own child's maintenance.
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1582
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#25
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#25
This is what it is like to be in an adult relationship with your parents. You pay your own way in the world and things like Christmas become more of a mutual event rather than being about spoiling the children. You shouldn't feel obligated to buy a gift for her; you should want to treat her and not begrudge using your own money for it.

If she is disappointed in the gifts then maybe that shows that you just need to get to know her better as a person (rather just as a mother) to understand what she would like to receive.
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fAtnaNNA83
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#26
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#26
The fact that you are breathing the same oxygen as me is a disgrace and I feel sexually, mentally and physically violated.
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DrawTheLine
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#27
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#27
(Original post by usualsuspects)
I'll earn enough to spend stupidly
You have a job guaranteed and lined up to pay you this great salary, yes?

(Original post by usualsuspects)
I don't have to excuse myself with you for being unable to cook. I can build an LBO model on Excel (sort of) and translate Latin/Ancient Greek. I guess you can't yet I'm not calling you out for that.
Yeah, because those things are just as important as knowing how to feed yourself healthy meals, right...

(Original post by usualsuspects)
I have cleaners for my uni apartment and at home so I definitely don't clean.
You didn't answer my question. Why is it "absurd" for a grown adult to clean? You don't need to do your own cleaning at the moment, but at some point in your life you will, so tell me why a grown adult shouldn't clean.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
I simply expect a person who has lived off her parents her entire life to be comfortable with the idea of contributing something towards my maintenance.
Um, no. Just because her parents were willing to give their child money out of their own good nature does not mean your mother has to do the same for you. Generosity isn't in your genes, you know. You should not expect to have the same lifestyle as your mother.
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jkls92
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#28
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#28
(Original post by fAtnaNNA83)
The fact that you are breathing the same oxygen as me is a disgrace and I feel sexually, mentally and physically violated.
Wow, I'm a rapist now.

Feminist SJWs...
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fAtnaNNA83
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#29
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#29
What? Where did the idea of me being an SJW even come from?
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ANM775
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#30
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#30
(Original post by usualsuspects)
I'm a 20 years old undergraduate. It feels wrong to me that she expects presents from her child, at this age, especially given that after I've turned 18 hers haven't been particularly special (usually worth a couple of hundreds) and this is basically all she contributes to my finances.

Furthermore, it's unpleasant to give her presents because she is ungrateful and usually unsatisfied with my gifts. This is why I'd rather avoid it.


shame on you man. I mean seriously.

It's your own mother. You shouldn't even be asking this question and the fact that you did says a lot about you...
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jkls92
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#31
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#31
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You have a job guaranteed and lined up to pay you this great salary, yes?

Yeah, because those things are just as important as knowing how to feed yourself healthy meals, right...

You didn't answer my question. Why is it "absurd" for a grown adult to clean? You don't need to do your own cleaning at the moment, but at some point in your life you will, so tell me why a grown adult shouldn't clean.

Um, no. Just because her parents were willing to give their child money out of their own good nature does not mean your mother has to do the same for you. Generosity isn't in your genes, you know. You should not expect to have the same lifestyle as your mother.
Yes, I'm academically decent, have had internships at top firms in the City, and can count on family connections. It's virtually certain that I'll be in a high paying role.

Yes? Modeling is a skill which is highly rewarded and allows one to earn enough to avoid cooking. Translating isn't terribly useful but useless things are fascinating in their own right.

It's absurd for an adult to clean a house as a gift to his parents. I pay people to do my cleaning now and I'll certainly do so in the future.

I would expect her to give her child the same she has received from her parents. It's only logic.

The thread was about my mother's expectations yet your judgemental attitude turned it into a discussion about my lifestyle and future income, which is totally irrelevant.
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jkls92
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#32
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#32
(Original post by fAtnaNNA83)
What? Where did the idea of me being an SJW even come from?
You were so offended by my apparently innocent use of free speech to feel sexually violated.
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DrawTheLine
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#33
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#33
(Original post by usualsuspects)
It's virtually certain that I'll be in a high paying role.
No, I said guaranteed job. You're saying virtually certain, therefore it's not guaranteed that you'll be rolling in money.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
...to avoid cooking.
Why is it so important to avoid cooking? What's so bad about it?

(Original post by usualsuspects)
It's absurd for an adult to clean a house as a gift to his parents.
What a horrible child you must have been! I guess if your parents become unwell in old age that you'll just dump them in a care home and never see them, because it's "absurd" for a child to do anything for their parents! Jeez... I feel so sorry for your parents, having a child so ungrateful that they're refusing to do things for them. You realise your parents got you to where you are now right? Without them cleaning you, bathing you, teaching you to read, walk, talk, learn about the world, teaching you concepts and facts, you wouldn't be in your current place?

(Original post by usualsuspects)
I pay people to do my cleaning now and I'll certainly do so in the future.
Certainly, huh? With this amazing job that's not even guaranteed? You may have these wonderful prospects, and good for you, but it's not guaranteed. You never know when something will go seriously wrong. You could be hit by a car tomorrow and end up forever injured unable to work to earn as much money as you want.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
I would expect her to give her child the same she has received from her parents. It's only logic.
No, that's the opposite of logic. I don't even understand how you could possibly think this.
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DrawTheLine
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#34
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#34
OP is right about that, nobody should expect gifts. However, it's his attitude to expecting money from his family and expecting to be handed things on a plate etc. That's what's awful. Also his disgusting attitude towards his mother who, without her, wouldn't be where he is now.
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fAtnaNNA83
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#35
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#35
(Original post by usualsuspects)
You were so offended by my apparently innocent use of free speech to feel sexually violated.
Wait, so anyone who feels sexually harassed is a feminist SJW? I honestly don't understand why people are so quick to liken things to feminism or social justice. For all you know, I could be a racist woman beater who idolizes Hitler.
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Tiger Rag
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#36
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#36
Presumably, your mum gives you gifts, therefore, it's only reasonable for you to give her something in return?
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jkls92
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#37
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#37
Thank you. I wanted to discuss presents yet they have made this a matter of my job prospects and whether I cook or not, which has nothing to do with this. Every time I get her something she says "I thought it would be X" where X is a more expensive equivalent. I've bought her expensive things but still she always says I don't give her nice presents. It's just that as a person she has been used to be given everything and earning nothing so she always complains and is very unappreciative of what she gets.

(Original post by DrawTheLine)
OP is right about that, nobody should expect gifts. However, it's his attitude to expecting money from his family and expecting to be handed things on a plate etc. That's what's awful. Also his disgusting attitude towards his mother who, without her, wouldn't be where he is now.
That's my family ethic. It's what I'll do with my children and what my ancestors have always done. You don't know about my relationship with my mother.

(Original post by DrawTheLine)
No, I said guaranteed job. You're saying virtually certain, therefore it's not guaranteed that you'll be rolling in money.

Why is it so important to avoid cooking? What's so bad about it?

What a horrible child you must have been! I guess if your parents become unwell in old age that you'll just dump them in a care home and never see them, because it's "absurd" for a child to do anything for their parents! Jeez... I feel so sorry for your parents, having a child so ungrateful that they're refusing to do things for them. You realise your parents got you to where you are now right? Without them cleaning you, bathing you, teaching you to read, walk, talk, learn about the world, teaching you concepts and facts, you wouldn't be in your current place?

Certainly, huh? With this amazing job that's not even guaranteed? You may have these wonderful prospects, and good for you, but it's not guaranteed. You never know when something will go seriously wrong. You could be hit by a car tomorrow and end up forever injured unable to work to earn as much money as you want.

No, that's the opposite of logic. I don't even understand how you could possibly think this.
I get it, you don't know how the world works. I was born in the right family, I'm responsible and I study finance so as a matter of fact, I'll be alright. I'll not be "rolling in money", even 100k (my starting salary will probably be less, but not by far) doesn't sound like that much to me. Concerning humans, virtually certain is as certain as it gets. I could even say "guaranteed", of course there could be a nuclear war, a socialist revolution, or some other catastrophe, but it's highly unlikely.

Cooking is time-consuming and dangerous for someone totally lacking manual skills like me. I don't want to learn and don't want to waste time doing it. I won't even have the time once I start working.

It's absurd for an adult to clean his mother's house as a birthday gift, mine would think I'm mad. I'm not ungrateful and I don't refuse to do things for them, calm down.

I pay people to do my cleaning now as a student so I can expect to be able to do the same in the future.

Your unideal social background evidently blinds you to rationality or makes you incapable and unwilling of understanding my perspective. I perfectly realise that disadvantaged people probably don't understand entitlement and inheritance.
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jkls92
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#38
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#38
(Original post by fAtnaNNA83)
Wait, so anyone who feels sexually harassed is a feminist SJW? I honestly don't understand why people are so quick to liken things to feminism or social justice. For all you know, I could be a racist woman beater who idolizes Hitler.
The use of and belief in an extended definition of rape usually pertains SJWs.
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DrawTheLine
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#39
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#39
(Original post by usualsuspects)
That's my family ethic. It's what I'll do with my children and what my ancestors have always done. You don't know about my relationship with my mother.
You're right, I don't know your relationship with your mother. However, it's a good thing if you can adapt to change. People change, values change. Accept it.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
I get it, you don't know how the world works. I was born in the right family, I'm responsible and I study finance so as a matter of fact, I'll be alright. I'll not be "rolling in money", even 100k (my starting salary will probably be less, but not by far) doesn't sound like that much to me. Concerning humans, virtually certain is as certain as it gets. I could even say "guaranteed", of course there could be a nuclear war, a socialist revolution, or some other catastrophe, but it's highly unlikely.
Highly unlikely, but you could become seriously injured and unable to do all the things you want to do. It's a good thing to think about, before you get so far in expecting things from people that you become ungrateful like you have done.

(Original post by usualsuspects)
Your unideal social background evidently blinds you to rationality or makes you incapable and unwilling of understanding my perspective. I perfectly realise that disadvantaged people probably don't understand entitlement and inheritance.
Okay, seeing as you know me so well, tell me what my background is. Please, tell me exactly what makes my background unideal, specifically, seeing as you know me so well. Please tell me exactly what it is about my life, my family etc. that is disadvantaged. I await your response, expecting eery accuracy.
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cabinalbum
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#40
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#40
Jesus christ. Actually the most arrogant rich kid i have ever encountered.
The fact that you honestly don't see how lucky you are that your parents have a spare £200 to waste on presents for your ungrateful soul is laughable. There's nothing wrong with having money, but there's everything wrong with taking it for granted.
I'm lucky if my parents can spare me a fiver to get a haircut. You're whinging because your mum wants a gift in return for raising you for 20 years. Is it really that hard to buy her a £20 scented candle? Or a new dressing gown? Or tickets to a local theatre show?
You need to grow up and learn perspective. If you can't afford to buy her a present, or she's being unreasonable (she's not) then that's okay. But in this case you're just ungrateful.
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