Is it normal for my mother to expect birthday and Christmas presents?

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Tiger Rag
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#41
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#41
Cooking really isn't that time consuming. Sure, I didn't really want to come home from uni at 7pm and have to cook, having been out since 9am. But it doesn't really take that long.
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jkls92
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#42
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#42
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You're right, I don't know your relationship with your mother. However, it's a good thing if you can adapt to change. People change, values change. Accept it.

Highly unlikely, but you could become seriously injured and unable to do all the things you want to do. It's a good thing to think about, before you get so far in expecting things from people that you become ungrateful like you have done.

Okay, seeing as you know me so well, tell me what my background is. Please, tell me exactly what makes my background unideal, specifically, seeing as you know me so well. Please tell me exactly what it is about my life, my family etc. that is disadvantaged. I await your response, expecting eery accuracy.
I like change only when it's for better.

Are you suggesting that I live in anxiety because I might have an accident? I'm not going to ruin my present life by speculating about possible tragedies. If I can't work then I certainly can't clean. I'd even have time to write a book and do some serious reading. Death isn't a concern. I could lose my sight but then I'd probably suicide, which is alright. I could be disowned, that would hurt. But again unlikely and it's unproductive to worry.

You assumed a lot about me, I allowed myself to assume you are not very familiar with upper-middle class values.
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DrawTheLine
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#43
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#43
(Original post by usualsuspects)
I like change only when it's for better.

Are you suggesting that I live in anxiety because I might have an accident? I'm not going to ruin my present life by speculating about possible tragedies. If I can't work then I certainly can't clean. I'd even have time to write a book and do some serious reading. Death isn't a concern. I could lose my sight but then I'd probably suicide, which is alright. I could be disowned, that would hurt. But again unlikely and it's unproductive to worry.

You assumed a lot about me, I allowed myself to assume you are not very familiar with upper-middle class values.
No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying maybe stop feeling so entitled because at any moment we could lose everything we have and have to start from the bottom.

You didn't tell me what my background was and why it is unideal and disadvantaged. I'm still waiting for you to tell me about my background, seeing as you assume it's unideal and know all about me. Go ahead.
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jkls92
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#44
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#44
s
(Original post by cabinalbum)
Jesus christ. Actually the most arrogant rich kid i have ever encountered.
The fact that you honestly don't see how lucky you are that your parents have a spare £200 to waste on presents for your ungrateful soul is laughable. There's nothing wrong with having money, but there's everything wrong with taking it for granted.
I'm lucky if my parents can spare me a fiver to get a haircut. You're whinging because your mum wants a gift in return for raising you for 20 years. Is it really that hard to buy her a £20 scented candle? Or a new dressing gown? Or tickets to a local theatre show?
You need to grow up and learn perspective. If you can't afford to buy her a present, or she's being unreasonable (she's not) then that's okay. But in this case you're just ungrateful.
They can spare money for you to dye your hair with silly colours though.

I'm not arrogant. I know I'm lucky. We have a lot of scented candles and she wouldn't appreciate such a "cheap" present, unfortunately. Dressing gowns are awfully expensive. I can afford a present. She is slightly unreasonable. Fine, that's your opinion, thank you for answering. I always get her presents, I just had a feeling it was wrong for her to expect them, probably I'm upset because she hasn't worried about contributing to my maintenance after leaving school, but I see your point and I wouldn't have made a thread if I wasn't interested in hearing your opinions and open to changing my mind. I'm only defensive because I'm being attacked.
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gjd800
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#45
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#45
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying maybe stop feeling so entitled because at any moment we could lose everything we have and have to start from the bottom.

You didn't tell me what my background was and why it is unideal and disadvantaged. I'm still waiting for you to tell me about my background, seeing as you assume it's unideal and know all about me. Go ahead.
Because is has resulted in values that differ from his, presumably.
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jkls92
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#46
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#46
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm just saying maybe stop feeling so entitled because at any moment we could lose everything we have and have to start from the bottom.

You didn't tell me what my background was and why it is unideal and disadvantaged. I'm still waiting for you to tell me about my background, seeing as you assume it's unideal and know all about me. Go ahead.
Someone whose parents aren't contributing towards maintenance at uni doesn't come from an ideal background. Or has rich egotistic parents (still unideal). I do not know you or your exact background and couldn't care. If you were born in another family with other values maybe you'd be less aggressive towards me.
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Devify
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#47
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#47
(Original post by usualsuspects)
I'm a 20 years old undergraduate. It feels wrong to me that she expects presents from her child, at this age, especially given that after I've turned 18 hers haven't been particularly special (usually worth a couple of hundreds) and this is basically all she contributes to my finances.

Furthermore, it's unpleasant to give her presents because she is ungrateful and usually unsatisfied with my gifts. This is why I'd rather avoid it.
You don't have to spend loads of money to get a gift. And you honestly shouldn't expect to get something that's even as expensive as she gets you. But at least get her some chocolate and a card, she's your mother, of course you should get her a gift.
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jkls92
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#48
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#48
(Original post by Devify)
You don't have to spend loads of money to get a gift. And you honestly shouldn't expect to get something that's even as expensive as she gets you. But at least get her some chocolate and a card, she's your mother, of course you should get her a gift.
I always do.
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DrawTheLine
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#49
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#49
(Original post by usualsuspects)
Someone whose parents aren't contributing to maintenance at uni doesn't come from an ideal background. Or has rich egotistic parents (still unideal). I do not know you or your exact background and couldn't care. If you were born in another family with other values maybe you'd be less aggressive towards me.
Maybe don't comment saying my background is unideal or disadvantaged if you don't actually know.

I'm not being aggressive towards you, I'm simply trying to make you realise how arrogant and ungrateful and entitled you are. No, it isn't good to be entitled because it makes you come across as a very unpleasant person. You don't realise what you have, because you're so expectant of people to hand you things that you need to work for. Yes, you were born into a wealthy family, but money doesn't last forever. It worries me how much you look down on people who do the "time-wasting" jobs like cooking and cleaning. Little do you know, you potentially could end up having to do those jobs in order to get by if things don't go to plan. Everyone likes to think they'll have a high-paid job with staff to do the dirty work for them and living the high life, sometimes it doesn't go to plan. If that happens to you, and hopefully it doesn't, it'll come as a great big shock because of your attitude now.

You say I don't understand your values, well you sure as hell don't understand mine. Works both ways.
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bonbonoj
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#50
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#50
I think you should want to give her gifts after all shes done for you!
(unless shes an abusive mother, then **** her)
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Tiger Rag
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#51
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#51
(Original post by usualsuspects)
s

They can spare money for you to dye your hair with silly colours though.

I'm not arrogant. I know I'm lucky. We have a lot of scented candles and she wouldn't appreciate such a "cheap" present, unfortunately. Dressing gowns are awfully expensive. I can afford a present. She is slightly unreasonable. Fine, that's your opinion, thank you for answering. I always get her presents, I just had a feeling it was wrong for her to expect them, probably I'm upset because she hasn't worried about contributing to my maintenance after leaving school, but I see your point and I wouldn't have made a thread if I wasn't interested in hearing your opinions and open to changing my mind. I'm only defensive because I'm being attacked.
I have no idea where you're shopping; but dressing gowns aren't that expensive.
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Katie.little_
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#52
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#52
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You're wondering why people are assuming things about you, it's because you're sounding like an ungrateful, awful person.

Why can't you cook? There's no excuse unless you're physically unable to learn. Why is cleaning "absurd" at the age of 20? Also, you've been moaning about how your mum doesn't give you any money for university, so you can't moan about her living off her parents when you sound like you want to do the exact same thing.
This made me so happy! Couldn’t have put it better myself; OP should be ashamed of themselves. I’m not even 18 yet and i know that my parents don’t owe me anything at all. They don’t give me money, I have a part time job to pay for things I want/need. I expect it to be exactly the same when I enter higher education. You cannot expect to have everything handed to you, I’ve never heard anyone sound so ungrateful. I have a pretty terrible relationship with my dad, who thinks children giving their parents gifts is stupid, but you know what? I grow up and give him birthday, Christmas, and Father’s Day gifts, and he’s grateful for it, even if he does think it’s dumb. I cant even believe this post exists it’s so ridiculous. (EDIT:: I intended to quote the whole comment but for some reason it didn’t work but you get the point)
EDIT 2:: now having read all of the comments on this post I’d like to add that I’m from a very middle class family from south London - not every ‘rich’ family raises arrogant, egotistical, entitled snobs. I know for a fact that I will be almost entirely self sufficient when I go to university, I say almost my parents have agreed to help me out *to an extent* because they paid for my sisters entire education (she went to private school until sixth form whereas chose to go to state school). I know most people don’t get any help from their parents at all and I feel incredibly grateful that they are doing this for me and I know that they don’t have to; this is the real world whether you like it or not. Good for you if you have endless cash to spare that you can pay for someone to iron your socks; but maybe that money would be better spent on the horrifically expensive dressing gowns you mentioned earlier, which you seem to be incredibly reluctant to give to your mother, who I must say clearly did a shoddy job raising you. Pompous git.
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DrawTheLine
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#53
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#53
(Original post by Katie.little_)
This made me so happy! Couldn’t have put it better myself; OP should be ashamed of themselves. I’m not even 18 yet and i know that my parents don’t owe me anything at all. They don’t give me money, I have a part time job to pay for things I want/need. I expect it to be exactly the same when I enter higher education. You cannot expect to have everything handed to you, I’ve never heard anyone sound so ungrateful. I have a pretty terrible relationship with my dad, who thinks children giving their parents gifts is stupid, but you know what? I grow up and give him birthday, Christmas, and Father’s Day gifts, and he’s grateful for it, even if he does think it’s dumb. I cant even believe this post exists it’s so ridiculous. (EDIT:: I intended to quote the whole comment but for some reason it didn’t work but you get the point)
Thank you! I'm the same. My parents have done so much for me over the years and have given up so much too. My dad used to put money away in savings for me, but when I got a job (that I didn't need but I wanted) he stopped because I was earning my own money, learning the value of it. Now I'm at university, I use my student loan and my pay from my job to fund me. I feel really guilty asking my parents for anything, because I know I'm an adult and should be able to do it myself. Sure, my dad is there if I need him but I prefer to rely on myself for things I want.
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Megajules
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#54
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#54
I have just returned from a four day trip to Alicante, a Christmas present from my eldest daughter. The present is typical of the gifts I receive from both of my daughters, and we are a normal, loving family. Granted, when they were studying the presents were much smaller, but they were given with love, which is the important thing here.

However, frankly, if you were my son, I think I'd be hiring a hitman to rid myself of a soul-less parasite. Your mother deserves better, but you do not appear to know what unconditional love is! I suggest you contact the Student Loans Company if you need money!
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jkls92
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#55
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#55
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Maybe don't comment saying my background is unideal or disadvantaged if you don't actually know.

I'm not being aggressive towards you, I'm simply trying to make you realise how arrogant and ungrateful and entitled you are. No, it isn't good to be entitled because it makes you come across as a very unpleasant person. You don't realise what you have, because you're so expectant of people to hand you things that you need to work for. Yes, you were born into a wealthy family, but money doesn't last forever. It worries me how much you look down on people who do the "time-wasting" jobs like cooking and cleaning. Little do you know, you potentially could end up having to do those jobs in order to get by if things don't go to plan. Everyone likes to think they'll have a high-paid job with staff to do the dirty work for them and living the high life, sometimes it doesn't go to plan. If that happens to you, and hopefully it doesn't, it'll come as a great big shock because of your attitude now.

You say I don't understand your values, well you sure as hell don't understand mine. Works both ways.
I'm only entitled, not arrogant and ungrateful. I might be unpleasant to someone trying to do class warfare, but I'm a liberal and offline I don't get much hate at all. If I thought money lasted forever I wouldn't worry about getting a job. My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have done enough damage to our finances, history has done the rest, I know I'll have to work to pay for the lifestyle I'm used to. I don't look down on people. Worst case I'll sell a house, really I can't end up cleaning for a living. And I'm not going to bother thinking about what I'd do if it did tragically happen. People like me don't feel so financially insecure or at the mercy of fortune. Fortune blinds those it favours. But we haven't been particularly lucky in the last century and certainly not successful, so my confidence doesn't come from hubris. Thank you for saying tragedy won't hopefully hit me, I appreciate it when the discussion remains civil.

I understand yours and I have not attacked you for holding those beliefs.
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DrawTheLine
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#56
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#56
(Original post by usualsuspects)
I'm only entitled, not arrogant and ungrateful. I might be unpleasant to someone trying to do class warfare, but I'm a liberal and offline I don't get much hate at all. If I thought money lasted forever I wouldn't worry about getting a job. My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have done enough damage to our finances, history has done the rest, I know I'll have to work to pay for the lifestyle I'm used to. I don't look down on people. Worst case I'll sell a house, really I can't end up cleaning for a living. And I'm not going to bother thinking about what I'd do if it did tragically happen. People like me don't feel so financially insecure or at the mercy of fortune. Fortune blinds those it favours. But we haven't been particularly lucky in the last century and certainly not successful, so my confidence doesn't come from hubris. Thank you for saying tragedy won't hopefully hit me, I appreciate it when the discussion remains civil.

I understand yours and I have not attacked you for holding those beliefs.
Of course I won't wish tragedy on you. As much as you've ruffled my feathers you're still a person and no-one deserves life-changing injuries.

If you understood my values, you wouldn't have had the attitude you previously displayed towards your mother. Please, re-read what you've written and think about changing.
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jkls92
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#57
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#57
(Original post by Katie.little_)
This made me so happy! Couldn’t have put it better myself; OP should be ashamed of themselves. I’m not even 18 yet and i know that my parents don’t owe me anything at all. They don’t give me money, I have a part time job to pay for things I want/need. I expect it to be exactly the same when I enter higher education. You cannot expect to have everything handed to you, I’ve never heard anyone sound so ungrateful. I have a pretty terrible relationship with my dad, who thinks children giving their parents gifts is stupid, but you know what? I grow up and give him birthday, Christmas, and Father’s Day gifts, and he’s grateful for it, even if he does think it’s dumb. I cant even believe this post exists it’s so ridiculous. (EDIT:: I intended to quote the whole comment but for some reason it didn’t work but you get the point)
EDIT 2:: now having read all of the comments on this post I’d like to add that I’m from a very middle class family from south London - not every ‘rich’ family raises arrogant, egotistical, entitled snobs. I know for a fact that I will be almost entirely self sufficient when I go to university, I say almost my parents have agreed to help me out *to an extent* because they paid for my sisters entire education (she went to private school until sixth form whereas chose to go to state school). I know most people don’t get any help from their parents at all and I feel incredibly grateful that they are doing this for me and I know that they don’t have to; this is the real world whether you like it or not. Good for you if you have endless cash to spare that you can pay for someone to iron your socks; but maybe that money would be better spent on the horrifically expensive dressing gowns you mentioned earlier, which you seem to be incredibly reluctant to give to your mother, who I must say clearly did a shoddy job raising you. Pompous git.
Be less judgemental, please.

I believe parents who can afford it should support their children. How is this wrong? I'll give my children an allowance or a trust fund so that they don't need to work while at university, I'm free to do it and it's nothing that strange. My family does the same for me (not my mother specifically). Even student finance is based on the idea that parents with means can support their children while others need the state to grant or lend money to attend university.

Your father seems to share my view on gifts.
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jkls92
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#58
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#58
(Original post by Megajules)
I have just returned from a four day trip to Alicante, a Christmas present from my eldest daughter. The present is typical of the gifts I receive from both of my daughters, and we are a normal, loving family. Granted, when they were studying the presents were much smaller, but they were given with love, which is the important thing here.

However, frankly, if you were my son, I think I'd be hiring a hitman to rid myself of a soul-less parasite. Your mother deserves better, but you do not appear to know what unconditional love is! I suggest you contact the Student Loans Company if you need money!
That is excessive and you wouldn't express yourself in such manner off the internet.

You don't even know my mother's faults, and these aren't the point. I was just asking if it's generally normal for parents to expect (quite expensive) gifts for Christmas and birthdays. I asked because, although I've always given her presents, I had a feeling it was wrong, given she is not doing much to support me at the moment, which I believe she should to a degree consider her responsibility as a parent, as my father does, as my grandparents did with her, and as I'll do with my children. I don't need money, and I certainly don't want debt.

If you think I deserve death for this, you are an intolerant idiot.
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jkls92
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#59
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#59
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Thank you! I'm the same. My parents have done so much for me over the years and have given up so much too. My dad used to put money away in savings for me, but when I got a job (that I didn't need but I wanted) he stopped because I was earning my own money, learning the value of it. Now I'm at university, I use my student loan and my pay from my job to fund me. I feel really guilty asking my parents for anything, because I know I'm an adult and should be able to do it myself. Sure, my dad is there if I need him but I prefer to rely on myself for things I want.
I think that's madness since I believe in family money. This may be because of the way things work in my family.
What's so bad about spending money which you haven't earned personally? I spend about £3k/month (conservative estimate), excluding fees and a couple other things, and don't feel sorry at all.
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doodle_333
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#60
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#60
(Original post by usualsuspects)
I don't owe her presents as much as she "doesn't owe me financial support".
You don't owe presents but only a very selfish person wouldn't WANT to give them
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