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Is it normal for my mother to expect birthday and Christmas presents? watch

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    ...you're kidding, right?

    look, i can see where you're coming from, but in no way do i agree with it. i don't live with my mother- she's drug-addicted alcoholic and has multiple mental health issues because of this. at a lot of points it feels like she doesn't especially care about me, and there's no way she could afford to buy me a loaf of bread, let alone contribute to uni funds! yeah, she does buy me gifts- nothing expensive, definitely not a couple of hundreds (i wish!) but instead little plastic trinkets or something, and i appreciate the gesture. even through everything, there's no way i wouldn't get her something for her birthday etc, that's just plain rude. she doesn't necessarily deserve it, but she's my mother and i love her; for someone you love, you generally look past the value of gifts- it hardly matters how much you spend, but at least show you care! don't take her for granted
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    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I don't refuse to spend money on my mother. I've always bought her gifts.
    And now you're trying to justify not getting her anything.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    good for her if she had the chance to spend her life doing what she wanted instead
    Wow that didn't sound patronizing at all (note: sarcasm).
    (And this from a guy who earlier criticized his mother for being idle).

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    However, I have a sensation that her expectation that I spend my father's family (they hate each other) money on her is unfair.
    You're just using a pre-existing family conflict that is between your paternal & maternal families (not you!) as an excuse here though.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    What I meant is that she never felt responsible for setting aside even a small amount of money for my uni studies.
    But you already had a trust fund set up.
    Your university expenses were entirely covered from the get go.
    Why should she have saved up money for something that was already paid for?

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I get her presents more as an obligation than as a pleasure because I'm upset by her lack of support.
    But its ridiculous to be so against your mother for not contributing to an education that was already paid for. You are not lacking for anything, so where have you been failed financially?

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Our relationship is not mutually equivalent, she is the parent and is expected to help me, as I'll help my children.
    1. But you're not a child anymore.
    2. And you have been extremely well provided for.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I'd also add that I have no income
    1. At age 20, that's your responsibility.
    2. You do have an income (from your trust fund assets).
    3. You also have no real expenditures (because your family has provided for everything).
    4. So in reality you live an extremely comfortable financial existence.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    and it's quite different to spend capital that eventually ends, compared to spending a part of the money you earn every month.
    Not that many posts back you stated that "I do not need money". Now you are trying to argue that you're somewhat strapped for cash.
    Lol quit trying to BS people!

    As a 20 year old man, you should have had at least some sort of serious venture into the work force by now (this doesn't mean that you quit education, but that you start making efforts to really grow up and develop some self-respect etc). If you have any issues with a lack of income (despite being given a trust funds, given gods knows how many extra cash or expensive gifts by relatives and having all of your major bills paid for etc) then at your age, that is YOUR responsibility.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I have not complained about her gifts (she buys me what I ask for), I have complained about her financial support.
    1. In your OP, you stated "her presents haven't been particularly special (usually worth a couple of hundreds)". That is not only a complaint, but it displays a distinct lack of appreciation for the value of money.

    2. Please state where exactly you have needed the financial support?

    Because your complaints have largely boiled down to "I was given a lot of money by one half of the family (and so the other half should have given me lots of money too!)". This feeling of entitlement to other people's wealth is extremely wrong and misguided.

    Let me get this straight:

    1. IF you are well clothed, fed, sent to school and generally have all basic needs as a child attended to etc, then that is ALL your family is expected to do for you financially. There is no "But these people in my family are richer and they haven't spent as much money on meee (what bad people)!!"- you were not lacking for anything!

    There is no "You have a child, so all your money effectively becomes theirs (and you're a bad parent if you withhold it)". You have all you need (and more!) and now you're simply feeling spiteful for not getting even more (even though you have stated that you don't actually need more money).

    2. People have very differently idea's on parenting, and one argument is that too much money can poison children; it spoils them, it lowers their empathy, it creates feelings self-entitlement, it makes them lazy and it reduces people's sense of the true value of money, etc (and these are things that many people would say that you are suffering from). Many rich families withhold spending oodles of money on children because they understand that the best way to encourage children to grow up into hard working, well adjusted and successful adults etc, you should avoid showering them with too much money from a young age.

    Except that you don't seem to realize this.
    You don't consider that your maternal side of the families decision to withhold giving you lots of wealth was in any way a correct decision. No- instead you just feel sour towards them for them withholding wealth from you (which thanks to your paternal side of the family, you felt entitled to).

    It wouldn't surprise me if you have been heavily manipulated against your mother by your paternal family.

    Responsible family members would not (effectively) say to a kid growing up "(Not saying that they don't love you), BUT, we weren't as wealthy (and yet we gave you so much more). Your mothers side? Rich (but they withheld money from you)! WE paid for everything (and why do you think that your maternal side of the family didn't? Hmm) and then allow you to grow develop increasingly toxic views (which they no doubt delighted in engineering) against your mother. No, such things are never innocent!

    The two sides of your family have been playing a game of hateful grudges against each other (since probably before you were even born) and you have become a pawn in the middle. Your mother hasn't actually done anything wrong, but because of how you've been raised with so many manipulative bits of info fed to you, you can't but help feel wronged by her (and her side of the family in general) regardless.
    And even now, you're still being used by the two bitter sides of the family to get at each other.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Cleaning is absurd as a gift given my age. Apart from that, I do not clean because I can pay someone else to do it and save myself the bother.
    Just earlier you were trying to justify not spending money on gifts for your money, trying to argue you weren't actually that well off by stating "I have no income (and it's quite different to spend capital that eventually ends, compared to spending a part of the money you earn every month)". And now you're saying that you hire cleaners because you can't be bothered to clean? Lol!!

    It IS absurd that you don't clean at your age. 98% of 20 year olds (male and female alike) in this country clean up after themselves. You are idle

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    The prospect of cleaning doesn't appeal to me (nor to anyone really). I'm not going to do it for the mere sake of realising your communist utopia. I also help my cleaners make a living, so if anything society benefits from me.
    You don't clean because you are lazy. The end.

    Employing cleaners (ahh, family wealth so well spent lol) may earn them a buck but when it comes to you employing them that is a mere consequence (so let's not pretend that its anything noble than that is going on).

    You are lazy and you complain about a lack of financial support from your mother. But clearly you have more than enough money if you can employ people for no other reason than to clean up the mess you create which you cannot be bothered to clean yourself!

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I have ground to criticise her because I have been responsible, done my duty, always got good grades and I am studying finance and "wasting" (her words) my summers in internships in the City to earn enough to maintain my lifestyle by own means, pay for the upkeep of our properties (something she certainly won't be able to do when she'll have to), and send my children to a good school and university.
    1. But you don't work.
    2. And you don't have children.
    3. And you haven't completed your course.
    4. And you don't maintain your own lifestyle.

    All of these statements boil down to "I PLAN on doing this!". These are words not actions. The real reality is that right now, until you get a job, you are nothing but a drain on the family resources. Nobody owes you anything for simply studying!
    Studying is the very least effort you should be putting in.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    She, on the other hand, never felt responsible for any of this and only did what she considered more convenient for herself, without consideration for her family.
    Ok so we have gone from "good for her if she had the chance to spend her life doing what she wanted instead" (and I'm not critical of my mum) back to "She is idle and not anybody worthy of respect" tune.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    This doesn't make me a better person than her, and it doesn't make her a bad person, but on this specific aspect I can say I am being more responsible than her
    No you're not. By the families standards that she married into, she did exactly what was expected of her. She fulfilled her end and you were not lacking for anything growing up. You are attending university and have not finished any courses, not landed a job nor even clean up for yourself (etc). Yet you seem to think that simply because your intentions in life are more aspiring, that means you deserve more kudos. But in the real world, results are what people actually care about (and virtually nobody will respect such an arrogant & untried/green guy).

    In a bid to feel superior to your mother, you constantly put her down. This in turn lowers your superiority (by intention and effect). So that the only person whose standing you are really lowing at the moment, is that of yourself.


    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I'm going to work up to 100 hours a week after uni so you don't need to lecture me on "hard work".
    LOL if someone says "And after university, I'm going to be a brilliant inventor!", does that make them one?

    You haven't yet had a job. You don't work 100 hours per week. Intentions/ambition doesn't count for anything unless it's actually realized. At the moment you do nothing but study in a bills-free responsibilities-free existence; this couldn't be more worlds apart than the actual real hard work & responsibility of the real working adult world.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I don't think many sons of billionaires live like peasants and lack money to go to university.
    A 20 year old who has the money to pay for cleaners because he can't be bothered to tidy up after himself, does NOT lack money to go to university!!

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Regardless, they have a different outlook on life so I do not care about what they do with their children, and certainly don't consider them a model
    Perhaps you should consider them a model. Family fortunes tend to go to ruin under generations of spoiled people like you. Your mothers side of the family is certainly the wiser side.


    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I don't believe in the romanticisation of work
    LOL says the guy who hasn't had to work.


    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    and I suspect that if you worked in investment banking you'd be less idealistic as well.
    But you don't have any ground to suspect that on lol- you don't work in investment banking!

    In reality, the closest you have ever gotten to that is inheriting a trust fund that was already pre-invested by other skillful people employed to invest it on your behalf.
    That does not make you an investment banker!


    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Yes, I'm 20 and my existence up to now has been financed by my family, and I don't have a job (university is enough), what's wrong with that?
    If you really have to be asking that question at this point, then you should take a look back through this thread and think about what's been written (on all sides).

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I'll earn my own money eventually, but I definitely won't be "charitable" towards people like you.
    "People like me"? Who are people like me?

    I am actually very financially comfortable, so fortunately for me I won't ever have to hope for charity from someone of your likes.

    Your attitudes in this thread have invoked the anger, disdain, shock and frustration from people of all financial spectrum's in this thread.

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    What am I doing to earn respect and admiration? Well, I don't exactly demand that people admire me for what I have done, that would be excessive at this early point, but I am being responsible with my academic career, developing a good professional CV and most importantly being an honest person with positive externalities on society and the people with whom I come into contact. I have also done some selfless work for others which I don't want to discuss, and it's been a great pleasure so I'm happy about it by myself even if I don't get covered in glory by people who were not involved.
    Really the majority of that paragraph can be boiled down to "I'm not wasting my time at the university my family paid for me to go to" and "I've done some nice things (and although I say I won't go into any details for kudos-sake, I will still mention it for kudos-sake)".


    Your mother is not a bad person, and yet you have gone out of your way to try to put her down (and in a bid to justify it, you compare yourself as being a noticeably better sort of individual than she is). Almost nobody here though actually see's your mother as being a bad mother (and the more you have tried to put her down and justify not giving back to her, the only thing you have really successfully achieved done is lower other people's opinions of you).

    I hope she never see's this thread (for if she does, it will break her heart).

    Whatever your mothers failings as a parent, I actually have some sympathy for her. It seems like she married into a family (arranged/pressured marriage? Naively young marriage?) which loathed her and who went to very manipulative ends over the years to turn her own child against her (and to this end, they have been very successful).
    And where once she probably did her best to be a much more enthusiastic parent to you, more recently knowing that she has lost you in your heart (and will be forever trapped in this family that hates her), it seems like she is beginning to get to the point of not caring to put up a veneer anymore. Her behaviour sounds like that of a thoroughly depressed individual. And she knows you don't like her, so she doesn't want you to try; "Why put us both through this? Why pretend to care about me?" is probably what she thinks a lot.

    I hope that one day you can find some love in that heart of yours before it is too late. ALL of us will one day die (and many will not succumb to old age, but die long before our time), and it will be a severe shame if in life you pushed your mother away for no more than matters of money (something which you already have PLENTY of).

    My strongest advice: Next time you see her, don't go through the dreaded motions while you both ignore "the elephant in the room" (because this is something you are both very good at). Clearly, a LOT has gone on in this family that despite you arguing about gifts, the gift issues is merely a surface issue (a minor issue that has very little actual bearing in comparison to the real underlying issues). There's a deep rift in this family (and the worst thing is that it's infecting a new generation). There has been so much that has been said over the years (and yet have you even had a frank open discussion about matters with your mother where you really heard each other out? Does she even know/understand for a fact why you hold so much animosity towards her? Have you heard her side f the story, why she is so miserable? Etc).

    You say that one day you will have your own family (and that you want to provide well for them etc). But your parents will be your future children's grandparents (and that includes your mother) and your children will have a right to have grandparents in their life. So will your future children inherit this family rift too, or will you make efforts to put it to an end (leaving it behind in the past where it belongs) so that they can grow up in a much happier family?

    Get it sorted it out or learn to live with it, but be the better person in your family and but stop taking sides (least of all between your parents). This side taking will come to no good, no peace, no happiness (has it ever for anyone?).
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    (Original post by Feastful)
    [...]
    I did laugh at some points (I'm not easily offended). You assume too many things.

    The trust fund doesn't cover everything. My father pays me an allowance for my basic needs. If my mother contributed, she could at least have spared him part of that. I have enough money and don't need more. For everything besides basic needs I use money from the fund, which is going to end (I do spend a lot and finance masters can cost more than £40k). That's not an income. I am very content with what I have, but the point is that every month I have a negative balance (because I earn 0, or the allowance my father pays me, if you want), which puts the situation into a different perspective. If I had a billion in assets or earnt X and spent X every month, it would be different.

    These considerations are financial in nature and don't pertain to my love for my parents.

    I respect my persona, not sure why you'd think otherwise. I don't need a job at the moment. People who believe it's important to start working early are just miserable. I have been enjoying my youth and time at uni, while also positioning myself very well for a good entry level role in finance. I work every summer in the City (again, my mother's family doesn't see the point because they are against careers and working hard, especially in the summer), I've had an internship last summer (mostly I learnt, but I did spend a good amount of time in the office) and I'm having another one next summer (this time it will be longer hours and harder work, educate yourself about investment banking summer internships or take my word). My CV is perfect for applying to masters programmes or investment banking analyst positions. It has taken a degree of responsibility and effort to build this CV, and indeed most young people have nothing that comes even close to it (they do have many stories about drugs, pointless relationships, partying and having sex at 14, etc.). The people I know consider me hard working, motivated and responsible.

    I could be among the 98% who clean for themselves, but given that I can afford to be in the luckier 2%, why not?

    Family money is the family's, full stop, you are not going to change my mind.

    My mother's family does not care about work and they (we) have lost a fortune over the last century. They became used to selling and gave up, accepting that two generations removed from them nothing would be left. I'm not going to do the same, so I decided to work for a living in an industry that pays well (finance, until I can tolerate it) instead of selling another house and playing idle poor millionaire.

    My parents say mean things about each other and I know it perfectly well. Both parties fight equally and I don't take one side or the other. My grandparents set up a fund when I was born as an act of kindness, my parents were married at the time, and I am grateful for that. We all realised the other side of the family wasn't going to contribute only when I turned 18. We talked about it extensively. This doesn't change the amount of money I have, only add burden on my father (who actually works, contrary to my mother). In finance, we'd say she behaved opportunistically: she knew my father had a job which would allow him to support me alone so she never bothered setting aside some money (or working and saving) or even asking her family for money to support me while at uni. Fine, it certainly doesn't make me hate her, it's just a fact. She is idle and not anybody worthy of respect" I don't believe this. But I wouldn't call her a hard worker or a financially responsible person.

    I am more responsible than my mother because I plan to do things she never planned on doing (too much of a bother) and I have taken all the actions to ensure everything will go as planned. In doing so, I am behaving more responsibly than she did at my age (travelling, being at uni just for the experience and missing lectures, not caring about grades, etc.). You think in saying this I despise her. I don't. She is fantastic from other perspectives, she had the possibility to enjoy herself and she did it, absolutely fine, but no one would dare say she was more responsible than me.

    You misinterpreted my words on billionaires but I don't think it's an important point. I certainly don't take people who devoted their life to business and making obscene amounts of money as my models.

    And where did you get it that my mother is miserable?!
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    Usualsuspects, I don't need to explain the situation to you any further (and I have grown weary of your constant contradictions). If you choose to overlook what I and others have said, then that's your decision. But, you are not kidding almost anyone here (myself included) that you have any decent/legitimate reason not to give your mother gifts anymore.
    Deal with it.
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    There are people whos mothers are dead or not in thier lives who would do anything to buy them a gift and have nothing but thier time in return. Its my suggestion that you be more respectful and keep your selfish views to yourself in future.
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    You are not a child. You are an adult. You made the adult choice to go to university rather than enter the world of work, and your mum should not be held responsible for subsidising you through that. Get your maintenance loan, get a job, and earn your way. £200 for christmas and birthday is WAAAY more than most parents give their children at our age.

    It is a shame your mum is ungrateful. Maybe give her money of gift cards instead to avoid disappointment?
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    Is this a joke? Be a man and pay for your own life. Mummys little boy having a temper tantrum. Probably never experienced a day in the real world. I managed to travel, work and study at uni just fine on my own i would never have even dreamed of scrounging off my parents. Suck it up pay your own way as your parents wont be here forever and then who are going to live off.
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    (Original post by Lyssie33)
    Is this a joke? Be a man and pay for your own life. Mummys little boy having a temper tantrum. Probably never experienced a day in the real world. I managed to travel, work and study at uni just fine on my own i would never have even dreamed of scrounging off my parents. Suck it up pay your own way as your parents wont be here forever and then who are going to live off.
    The inheritance, darling
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    (Original post by uptownpunkk)
    You are not a child. You are an adult. You made the adult choice to go to university rather than enter the world of work, and your mum should not be held responsible for subsidising you through that. Get your maintenance loan, get a job, and earn your way. £200 for christmas and birthday is WAAAY more than most parents give their children at our age.

    It is a shame your mum is ungrateful. Maybe give her money of gift cards instead to avoid disappointment?
    Why should I work if I can afford not to?
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    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Why should I work if I can afford not to?
    If you can afford not to work, you can afford to buy your mum a birthday present.

    You do realise there's people a lot worse off than you that buy their mum presents, right?
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    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    The inheritance, darling
    Inheritance doesn't last forever.

    As far as I can see, you literally only see your parents as monetary value.

    Have you ever thought your mum might have contributed if she was asked, but your dad just took over and pays all of your allowance?

    No one said you have to use your Trust Fund now. Man, I've had a Trust Fund of inheritance when I was 8 and aside from buying 1 car I haven't touched it since. Instead I have a part time job that keeps me relatively comfortable while I continue my studies. -- The Trust Fund is my security blanket for post-graduation. Because you know... not everyone is guaranteed a job straight away after uni, even if you think that's not the case.
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    You really are the epitome of a whiny, selfish manchild! Try having a Mother who was an alcoholic with severe bi-polar, in and out of hospital and multiple suicide attempts. So desperate and lonely and this made your childhood very difficult. Try having to support her and be the parent, try supporting yourself without ANY help from your parents from 16yrs old, Christmas or not. Try working from the age of 15 and living day to day deciding whether to feed the family pet you inherited, or yourself because you only have enough money to feed one of you. Christmas or not. But imagine that this Mother did her very best and you knew she loved you because you’re alive and they are there for you.



    Try getting ugly pyjamas and clothes that don’t fit and things for Christmas you will never use and didn’t ask for, because your Mum loved them and wanted you to love them too. Now try imagining finding your Mother dead on the kitchen floor, knowing she died alone and sad. Imagine not receiving those silly gifts at Christmas anymore and knowing you would give anything to have just one more of Mum’s silly Xmas gifts to giggle at with her again!



    You are ungrateful, spoilt, entitled and selfish. You are a disgrace and your Mum deserves better. Stop living off your parents, they owe you NOTHING!! You’re not going to Uni for them, you are doing it for YOURSELF! And sponging off them at every turn. YOU ARE THE OPPORTUNISTIC ONE!!



    I don’t give a damn what you’re ‘planning’ to do after Uni, you are all mouth. Get a job at MaccyD’s like every other self respecting, hard working student and quit your whining!



    Use Daddy’s money to buy her something nice. OR better still, take her a little bunch of flowers when you go to see her each time and give her a kiss and tell her you love her. Because believe me, when she’s gone, you are going to regret the day you wrote this post.


    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Thank you for your answer. Bold sounds exactly like the arguments my mother uses when I question her expectations of a gift.

    Actually, I do believe I'm a grateful person. I am also not independent by any means, I'm not dependent on her specifically because of her own faults, so you can't consider that "independence" as a reason to buy her gifts.

    You do not know the full extent of my relationship with my mother, or what she has said regarding the circumstances of my birth and existence. The roofs were provided for her by my grandparents. You should take this into consideration before judging me, but that wasn't the point of the thread, I was not asking to be judged. What I wanted to know was whether it was normal for parents, and you did answer.

    My gifts are generally not cheap, not sure why you assumed otherwise. Anyway, it's the thought that matters.
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    You really are the epitome of a whiny, selfish manchild! Try having a Mother who was an alcoholic with severe bi-polar, in and out of hospital and multiple suicide attempts. So desperate and lonely and this made your childhood very difficult. Try having to support her and be the parent, try supporting yourself without ANY help from your parents from 16yrs old, Christmas or not. Try working from the age of 15 and living day to day deciding whether to feed the family pet you inherited, or yourself because you only have enough money to feed one of you. But imagine that this Mother did her very best and you knew she loved you because you’re alive and they are there for you.



    Try getting ugly pyjamas and clothes that don’t fit and things for Christmas you will never use and didn’t ask for, because your Mum loved them and wanted you to love them too. Now try imagining finding your Mother dead on the kitchen floor, knowing she died alone and sad. Imagine not receiving those silly gifts at Christmas anymore and knowing you would give anything to have just one more of Mum’s silly Xmas gifts to giggle at with her again!



    You are ungrateful, spoilt, entitled and selfish. You are a disgrace and your Mum deserves better. Stop living off your parents, they owe you NOTHING!! You’re not going to Uni for them, you are doing it for YOURSELF! And sponging off them at every turn. YOU ARE THE OPPORTUNISTIC ONE!!



    I don’t give a damn what you’re ‘planning’ to do after Uni, you are all mouth. Get a job at MaccyD’s like every other self respecting, hard working student and quit your whining!



    Use Daddy’s money to buy her something nice. OR better still, take her a little bunch of flowers when you go to see her each time and give her a kiss and tell her you love her. Because believe me, when she’s gone, you are going to regret the day you wrote this post.


    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    Thank you for your answer. Bold sounds exactly like the arguments my mother uses when I question her expectations of a gift.

    Actually, I do believe I'm a grateful person. I am also not independent by any means, I'm not dependent on her specifically because of her own faults, so you can't consider that "independence" as a reason to buy her gifts.

    You do not know the full extent of my relationship with my mother, or what she has said regarding the circumstances of my birth and existence. The roofs were provided for her by my grandparents. You should take this into consideration before judging me, but that wasn't the point of the thread, I was not asking to be judged. What I wanted to know was whether it was normal for parents, and you did answer.

    My gifts are generally not cheap, not sure why you assumed otherwise. Anyway, it's the thought that matters.
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    I live overseas and go to uni in the UK, so what I do is I only get my family presents if I actually see them on their birthdays...I just generally don’t believe that presents are the best way to express love, and unless you buy someone something they need, it’s a bit of a waste of time and money. HOWEVER, they expect presents so, yes, it is normal

    (Original post by usualsuspects)
    I'm a 20 years old undergraduate. It feels wrong to me that she expects presents from her child, at this age, especially given that after I've turned 18 hers haven't been particularly special (usually worth a couple of hundreds) and this is basically all she contributes to my finances.

    Furthermore, it's unpleasant to give her presents because she is ungrateful and usually unsatisfied with my gifts. This is why I'd rather avoid it.

    EDIT for judgemental haters: I have always bought relatively expensive gifts for my mother, only recently I had a feeling it was wrong for her to expect it given she doesn't help me with uni costs at all. I know I am privileged and I appreciate I have been lucky to be born in my family (it could have gone much better, but I had a 99% chance of being poorer).
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    (Original post by uptownpunkk)
    Inheritance doesn't last forever.

    As far as I can see, you literally only see your parents as monetary value.

    Have you ever thought your mum might have contributed if she was asked, but your dad just took over and pays all of your allowance?

    No one said you have to use your Trust Fund now. Man, I've had a Trust Fund of inheritance when I was 8 and aside from buying 1 car I haven't touched it since. Instead I have a part time job that keeps me relatively comfortable while I continue my studies. -- The Trust Fund is my security blanket for post-graduation. Because you know... not everyone is guaranteed a job straight away after uni, even if you think that's not the case.
    I’m not planning to sell all my inheritance and squander the money, I was joking, I’ll work and conserve it for my descendants.

    You decided to spend your money that way I preferred not to buy a car and to spend most of it for undergrad and masters. I’m sure I’ll get a good job.
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    (Original post by Natell1983)
    You really are the epitome of a whiny, selfish manchild! Try having a Mother who was an alcoholic with severe bi-polar, in and out of hospital and multiple suicide attempts. So desperate and lonely and this made your childhood very difficult. Try having to support her and be the parent, try supporting yourself without ANY help from your parents from 16yrs old, Christmas or not. Try working from the age of 15 and living day to day deciding whether to feed the family pet you inherited, or yourself because you only have enough money to feed one of you. Christmas or not. But imagine that this Mother did her very best and you knew she loved you because you’re alive and they are there for you.



    Try getting ugly pyjamas and clothes that don’t fit and things for Christmas you will never use and didn’t ask for, because your Mum loved them and wanted you to love them too. Now try imagining finding your Mother dead on the kitchen floor, knowing she died alone and sad. Imagine not receiving those silly gifts at Christmas anymore and knowing you would give anything to have just one more of Mum’s silly Xmas gifts to giggle at with her again!



    You are ungrateful, spoilt, entitled and selfish. You are a disgrace and your Mum deserves better. Stop living off your parents, they owe you NOTHING!! You’re not going to Uni for them, you are doing it for YOURSELF! And sponging off them at every turn. YOU ARE THE OPPORTUNISTIC ONE!!



    I don’t give a damn what you’re ‘planning’ to do after Uni, you are all mouth. Get a job at MaccyD’s like every other self respecting, hard working student and quit your whining!



    Use Daddy’s money to buy her something nice. OR better still, take her a little bunch of flowers when you go to see her each time and give her a kiss and tell her you love her. Because believe me, when she’s gone, you are going to regret the day you wrote this post.
    I'm not doing a **** job for the sake of it.
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    Be grateful you have a mum to buy presents for and who reciprocates this
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    (Original post by jkls92)
    Thank you for your answer. Bold sounds exactly like the arguments my mother uses when I question her expectations of a gift.

    Actually, I do believe I'm a grateful person. I am also not independent by any means, I'm not dependent on her specifically because of her own faults, so you can't consider that "independence" as a reason to buy her gifts.

    You do not know the full extent of my relationship with my mother, or what she has said regarding the circumstances of my birth and existence. The roofs were provided for her by my grandparents. You should take this into consideration before judging me, but that wasn't the point of the thread, I was not asking to be judged. What I wanted to know was whether it was normal for parents, and you did answer.

    My gifts are generally not cheap, not sure why you assumed otherwise. Anyway, it's the thought that matters.
    I do not think you are grateful at all. From responses you gave to the other users I think you live in lala land.

    If you don't like the responses, don't ask the question. I judged you and I do not apologise for it. You asked a question and gave little to no additional information, we have no option but to make judgements.

    If you want to be understood, give your honest perspective, and a little history. If your going to bash your mother and moan that she hasn't given you enough of this, or that ( I haven't once seen you complain about her lack of affection or complaints of emotional neglect, just monetary concerns) then expect judgements. If you want an in-depth answer that is tailored to your exact situation and experience then go spend some money and see a therapist.
 
 
 
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