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Lost my dad recently - is my reaction normal? watch

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    As per title, lost my dad recently to cancer, just a month ago almost. I have generally taken it well considering I expected this for a while.

    But something has built up in the last few days. Regret/guilt. I have in the past slept with escorts (very ashamed of this). I wasn't brought up this way and my parents brought me up to believe in God.

    Now my dad has gone, this overwhelming sense of guilt is tearing me up. Whilst I don't feel suicidal, my mind is racing at times with anixety in a way that feels out of control. I can't quite explain it but I hope it's not a sign of an oncoming mental illness.

    I just feel so bad about some of the mistakes I made and imagine him looking down and seeing that. Also since his death I bizarrely have come to think more about God and the after life. I never disregarded it, but I was never close to it.

    After seeing my dad in his last few days, the way he was acting, behaving, the things he was doing - I know there is something after life, something, whatever it is.

    I'd hate to think some of my actions would mean bad later on if there is something. And it's this shame and guilt that is eating me up real bad.

    Is this sense of guilt a normal reaction to a loss like this? There's times when I'm losing my **** inside my head and anxiety is racing.
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    only way to lose that guilt is to do the right thing, be better person from now on. Follow your religion (christianity i assume) better and perhaps to more charity etc. to become a better person in your and your dads eyes
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    Yep I have this in mind from a practical perspective.

    I'm just worried when the anxiety grips me, I feel like I'm not in control of my mind, the racing of it. It's frightening and makes me worry what is happening and if this is normal.
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    loads of people have mentioned that they went over things whilst grieving. Have you spoken to your doctor? They may be able to provide support or at least sign post you to someone else.
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    (Original post by Lepidolite)
    loads of people have mentioned that they went over things whilst grieving. Have you spoken to your doctor? They may be able to provide support or at least sign post you to someone else.
    On here you mean? I don't use this forum much so maybe I should search it out. That's comforting to know if that is the case.

    I have not spoken yet, no. But I am planning to actually.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    On here you mean? I don't use this forum much so maybe I should search it out. That's comforting to know if that is the case.

    I have not spoken yet, no. But I am planning to actually.
    Just in general. If you search grief on google you’ll find loads of stuff about symptoms.
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    OP, I offer my sincere condolences.

    I'd advise you to just talk to someone about it. It's going to be a tough time, but you'll get through it, but please don't keep all your emotions bottled up.
    You say you want to think more about God and the after life?
    No matter your stance on Christianity and whether you're a christian or not, I would suggest talk to your pastor (I'm assuming you know of one?) or just someone who will be able to answer your questions.

    Stay strong. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Bulletzone)
    OP, I offer my sincere condolences.

    I'd advise you to just talk to someone about it. It's going to be a tough time, but you'll get through it, but please don't keep all your emotions bottled up.
    You say you want to think more about God and the after life?
    No matter your stance on Christianity and whether you're a christian or not, I would suggest talk to your pastor (I'm assuming you know of one?) or just someone who will be able to answer your questions.

    Stay strong. :hugs:
    When you say talk to someone about it - I'm curious to know whether you mean to relay onto somebody that I slept with escorts? I'm just curious whether you specifically referred to this or whether you meant in general to talk to someone without necessarily divulging that. It's a tough one to open up about that as I feel truly ashamed that I ever did this. I just got lost along the way somehow and fell into this addiction, quite literally.

    Regarding God etc, what I mean is that since his passing I reflect on life in a way I haven't seen it before. I believe in something beyond myself, and something beyond this world - but I can't say that I believe in God persay. Maybe he's there but my thoughts on 'believing' in him are not so strong. I just believe there's something more. I'm not closed to the idea of God though as such. So I'm not a Christian as such and I don't consider myself to belong to a religion despite my upbringing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When you say talk to someone about it - I'm curious to know whether you mean to relay onto somebody that I slept with escorts? I'm just curious whether you specifically referred to this or whether you meant in general to talk to someone without necessarily divulging that. It's a tough one to open up about that as I feel truly ashamed that I ever did this. I just got lost along the way somehow and fell into this addiction, quite literally.

    Regarding God etc, what I mean is that since his passing I reflect on life in a way I haven't seen it before. I believe in something beyond myself, and something beyond this world - but I can't say that I believe in God persay. Maybe he's there but my thoughts on 'believing' in him are not so strong. I just believe there's something more. I'm not closed to the idea of God though as such. So I'm not a Christian as such and I don't consider myself to belong to a religion despite my upbringing.
    Just talk about what you're comfortable with.
    Talk to someone who you trust, but who could also help I guess?
 
 
 
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