As per title, lost my dad recently to cancer, just a month ago almost. I have generally taken it well considering I expected this for a while.
But something has built up in the last few days. Regret/guilt. I have in the past slept with escorts (very ashamed of this). I wasn't brought up this way and my parents brought me up to believe in God.
Now my dad has gone, this overwhelming sense of guilt is tearing me up. Whilst I don't feel suicidal, my mind is racing at times with anixety in a way that feels out of control. I can't quite explain it but I hope it's not a sign of an oncoming mental illness.
I just feel so bad about some of the mistakes I made and imagine him looking down and seeing that. Also since his death I bizarrely have come to think more about God and the after life. I never disregarded it, but I was never close to it.
After seeing my dad in his last few days, the way he was acting, behaving, the things he was doing - I know there is something after life, something, whatever it is.
I'd hate to think some of my actions would mean bad later on if there is something. And it's this shame and guilt that is eating me up real bad.
Is this sense of guilt a normal reaction to a loss like this? There's times when I'm losing my **** inside my head and anxiety is racing.