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    Yeah I know I shouldn't really complain, and I don't want to lie or make excuses because I'd feel mean. I used to find it more annoying but then realised it's only 5-10 mins out of my day. But it's just recently when she calls she always lectures me about walking home at night (there's a 5 minute walk I do where it isn't really possible or convenient to get a taxi) or not eating healthily (I do eat healthily, but it's never good enough for her) or finding a job. And annoyingly, because this past year I've been making the effort to answer all her calls, she now assumes I have no life and especially recently in the midst of exams, I wasn't going out much. She'd call and ask what I've been up to and if I've gone out - 'no I have another exam tomorrow', if it's lonely in the house and if I talk to my housemates?
    And yeah I know when I have my own children I'll be able to relate more. But it's just I know none of my other friends talk to their parents this much. I even remember in first year changing her contact name to her first name, because it was a bit embarrassing having 'Mum is calling you' on my screen all the time.
    I know I sound ungrateful, but the conversations just aren't that enjoyable at the moment, and I get quite irritable if I'm in the middle of work and she calls me to ask if I've gone to the shops and if i'm bored. Especially because she has me on loudspeaker while she's watching tv so she can't even hear me properly and it's just me having to repeat around 10 times.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I answer all of her calls just because I think 'what if she dies tonight and i never answered her call'. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
    Unless she is seriously unwell this need not be a concern in my view.
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    You're lucky, it means she misses and loves you that much that she can't bare to go a day without hearing from you
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    I think you just have to be honest with her, and say you are struggling with this a little. Maybe suggest you talk every three days, so you have more to say to each other? Maybe make a point of texting her when you have something that might interest her- if she is getting regular texts, then she will know you are ok and still value the relationship. Maybe suggest that you are busy with exams right now, but you'll talk more once they are over?

    She does sound like she has high anxiety, so I think you have to gently but firmly set some boundaries. If you miss a facetime call, why not just text and say "I'm busy right now, but I'll call tomorrow!"- then follow through. This will reassure her and hopefully help her back off.

    It's nice she cares, but I can see how this would feel suffocating.
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    How can you complain? I'm a middle child and my parents ignore me most days and lavish attention on my younger brother. I'm used to it now but certainly wouldn't be annoyed if my mum faceTimed me every single day but she never would. She barely remembers my name most days
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    Maybe if it's getting to you try to organise a weekly/twice weekly phone conversation?
    I had a housemate last year who used to call her family every day and I thought it was super cute.
    I only call mine once every couple of weeks but I message my family most days
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In first year she would call me most nights but I was often busy and sometimes I'd purposefully miss her calls which is kind of bad. She would also text me essays about random sh*t.
    In second year I was less busy during the evenings so I was more available to answer calls. For christmas she got an iphone and that's when the facetime calls began.
    I'm in third year now and she facetimes me every night. She has me on loud speaker and I can hear myself which puts me off, she also hasn't got the best hearing so I find myself having to raise my voice and repeat myself all the time. Also because it uses wifi, often the connection goes on and off so the conversation is really broken.

    Every night it's the same conversation about uni, if i've bought any food, what I'm having for dinner. A lot of the time she won't even listen and she'll just zone out and say 'ok that's good'. I answer all of her calls just because I think 'what if she dies tonight and i never answered her call'. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can understand why she wants to check up on me and make sure I'm ok but having facetime with a partially deaf person is not enjoyable. I tell her I prefer to talk normally on the phone without facetime but she says she wants to see me.

    I know I should be grateful that I at least have a mum who's alive and wants to speak to me every night, but sometimes it's kind of suffocating and when you speak every day especially when it's in the middle of exams so i haven't exactly got anything interesting to talk about, the conversations are kind of pointless. I've tried hinting to her and telling her that I'm busy doing work but then I just feel bad.
    Your mother sounds like Beverly Goldberg
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    Calling every night is ridiculous. And I'm a mum too. Her behaviour constantly reinforces that you are her child, at precisely the moment when you are supposed to be developing your adult independence.

    I'd explain, that as your work commitments increase, you'd prefer to speak to her once per week, at an agreed time.
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    aww this is so sweet
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    aw cute
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In first year she would call me most nights but I was often busy and sometimes I'd purposefully miss her calls which is kind of bad. She would also text me essays about random sh*t.
    In second year I was less busy during the evenings so I was more available to answer calls. For christmas she got an iphone and that's when the facetime calls began.
    I'm in third year now and she facetimes me every night. She has me on loud speaker and I can hear myself which puts me off, she also hasn't got the best hearing so I find myself having to raise my voice and repeat myself all the time. Also because it uses wifi, often the connection goes on and off so the conversation is really broken.

    Every night it's the same conversation about uni, if i've bought any food, what I'm having for dinner. A lot of the time she won't even listen and she'll just zone out and say 'ok that's good'. I answer all of her calls just because I think 'what if she dies tonight and i never answered her call'. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can understand why she wants to check up on me and make sure I'm ok but having facetime with a partially deaf person is not enjoyable. I tell her I prefer to talk normally on the phone without facetime but she says she wants to see me.

    I know I should be grateful that I at least have a mum who's alive and wants to speak to me every night, but sometimes it's kind of suffocating and when you speak every day especially when it's in the middle of exams so i haven't exactly got anything interesting to talk about, the conversations are kind of pointless. I've tried hinting to her and telling her that I'm busy doing work but then I just feel bad.
    Your mum wants to make sure you are where you say you are.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In first year she would call me most nights but I was often busy and sometimes I'd purposefully miss her calls which is kind of bad. She would also text me essays about random sh*t.
    In second year I was less busy during the evenings so I was more available to answer calls. For christmas she got an iphone and that's when the facetime calls began.
    I'm in third year now and she facetimes me every night. She has me on loud speaker and I can hear myself which puts me off, she also hasn't got the best hearing so I find myself having to raise my voice and repeat myself all the time. Also because it uses wifi, often the connection goes on and off so the conversation is really broken.

    Every night it's the same conversation about uni, if i've bought any food, what I'm having for dinner. A lot of the time she won't even listen and she'll just zone out and say 'ok that's good'. I answer all of her calls just because I think 'what if she dies tonight and i never answered her call'. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can understand why she wants to check up on me and make sure I'm ok but having facetime with a partially deaf person is not enjoyable. I tell her I prefer to talk normally on the phone without facetime but she says she wants to see me.

    I know I should be grateful that I at least have a mum who's alive and wants to speak to me every night, but sometimes it's kind of suffocating and when you speak every day especially when it's in the middle of exams so i haven't exactly got anything interesting to talk about, the conversations are kind of pointless. I've tried hinting to her and telling her that I'm busy doing work but then I just feel bad.

    Sounds like she misses you and just wants to check in to see that you're ok.

    Could you try and tell her that exams are coming up and you can't afford to loose your train of thought so during the weekdays you'll whatsapp her to say you're ok and all's good and your having.... for dinner, chat tomoz etc... she'll see that you've read the reply from her.

    Then facetime Saturday and Sunday, just to gently loosen those strings a bit more?
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    (Original post by Lord Nutter)
    Haha I fear this is going to happen to me when I depart for uni
    do u kno de wae?
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    this is soo cute


    My mum does the same except we dont facetime as we both have androids and I dont use skype

    although I hardly speak to my dad on the phone :lol:
    will probs call him tomorrow
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    (Original post by Bezoar)
    do u kno de wae?
    i no da uganda wae
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    Aw she sounds so sweet. Just tell her "mum can we talk on the weekends because on the weekdays I get really stressed and busy and so I feel like i cant have a decent conversation with you"
    • #4
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    Please don't complain about such a thing. Your mother really loves you and misses you and when she's gone you will really regret writing such a post. Not trying to be harsh or anything but there's probably thousands of people wishing their mother was still there and would do anything for what you're complaining about.

    I know it can be difficult and maybe a bit irritating because of her hearing, but please appreciate her more.
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    My mother died when I was very young , than my father shortly , I guess I should tell you to be thankful you have a mum , but well can’t compare , some peoples are tired from to much , others can’t get to know theme , it’s life , you should speak to your mum as I think she is freaking out to be alone , if you can’t reasone with her , well just answer and don’t stay to long with her ( excuse like battery not good , no internet ), well it seems she is behaving like a child , so have to play the game sometimes , I am not in your place , but yes it’s a nice thing to make mum happy , but it shouldn’t harm your studies or your future , so trie to find a balance , you know your situation better than anyone else , follow your heart and you never regret it .
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    Oh my god. Why are so many people thinking this is cute? If my mum did this I'd tell her straight away to stop and she'd totally understand. She needs to understand that you're an adult now and have your own life! My housemates mum did the same (less frequently now we're in 4th year) and she honestly hated her mum for it and would see it as a chore. I on the other hand speak to my mum about once a week, maybe a fortnight and we have like an hour conversation and have genuinely interesting things to talk about. I look forward to her calls but could NOT call her every night!! You should definitely not feel guilty for not wanting to facetime her every day - ignore the guilts trips, these people need to stop imposing their own emotions on you. When she dies would you rather look back at the once a week enjoyable/interesting phone calls with her or the mind-numbingly boring conversations every night? I know what I'd choose and from your post I think you agree! Mum's can love you and you can appreciate their love without telling her what you've bought for your tea every day! You need to just be straight with her and whilst it may hurt in the short run you'll be much happier and resent her less (therefore improving your relationship) in the long run.
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    (Original post by MinnieD)
    Oh my god. Why are so many people thinking this is cute? If my mum did this I'd tell her straight away to stop and she'd totally understand. She needs to understand that you're an adult now and have your own life! My housemates mum did the same (less frequently now we're in 4th year) and she honestly hated her mum for it and would see it as a chore. I on the other hand speak to my mum about once a week, maybe a fortnight and we have like an hour conversation and have genuinely interesting things to talk about. I look forward to her calls but could NOT call her every night!! You should definitely not feel guilty for not wanting to facetime her every day - ignore the guilts trips, these people need to stop imposing their own emotions on you. When she dies would you rather look back at the once a week enjoyable/interesting phone calls with her or the mind-numbingly boring conversations every night? I know what I'd choose and from your post I think you agree! Mum's can love you and you can appreciate their love without telling her what you've bought for your tea every day! You need to just be straight with her and whilst it may hurt in the short run you'll be much happier and resent her less (therefore improving your relationship) in the long run.
    Thank you, you're so right. I was feeling quite bad about it but you're right, these aren't the kinds of memories I'd want to remember. She lives away from all her family so she's on the phone to her mum and some of her sisters every day. She's always been addicted to the phone. It's funny because sometimes she actually complains that her mum calls her all the time. But yeah I think she just sees this as the normal thing to do. Just makes me wonder what's going to happen when I properly move into my own place and have my own life and family. Is she going to be calling me every day? I do feel bad though because she obviously just isn't ready to let go and it must be hard for mums. I did actually once bring it up, back when I'd sometimes purposefully ignore her calls but then things went back to normal and she was calling every day again. She told me to text her that i'm ok and what I've been up to but often there isn't much to say. Apart from just a text saying 'I'm fine'. And then she'd just reply and ask to facetime anyway.
    I'm happy to keep in contact every day via text, it's just facetime is quite full on.
 
 
 
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