Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta
    • #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In first year she would call me most nights but I was often busy and sometimes I'd purposefully miss her calls which is kind of bad. She would also text me essays about random sh*t.
    In second year I was less busy during the evenings so I was more available to answer calls. For christmas she got an iphone and that's when the facetime calls began.
    I'm in third year now and she facetimes me every night. She has me on loud speaker and I can hear myself which puts me off, she also hasn't got the best hearing so I find myself having to raise my voice and repeat myself all the time. Also because it uses wifi, often the connection goes on and off so the conversation is really broken.

    Every night it's the same conversation about uni, if i've bought any food, what I'm having for dinner. A lot of the time she won't even listen and she'll just zone out and say 'ok that's good'. I answer all of her calls just because I think 'what if she dies tonight and i never answered her call'. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can understand why she wants to check up on me and make sure I'm ok but having facetime with a partially deaf person is not enjoyable. I tell her I prefer to talk normally on the phone without facetime but she says she wants to see me.

    I know I should be grateful that I at least have a mum who's alive and wants to speak to me every night, but sometimes it's kind of suffocating and when you speak every day especially when it's in the middle of exams so i haven't exactly got anything interesting to talk about, the conversations are kind of pointless. I've tried hinting to her and telling her that I'm busy doing work but then I just feel bad.
    As someone who has lost their mom, i feel that some people do take what they have for granted. However, i do feel that you could say that you feel like its the same convo over and over again, and talk to her by text (therefore its less broken) or even FT once or twice a week, if you do live close to home, try go back there once or twice a month, but if you live too far out then stick to the texting for facetime idea.
    Hope this has helped
    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    Just subtly tell her that you're busy or have things planned etc. She's probably just lonely or missing you or some such.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you, you're so right. I was feeling quite bad about it but you're right, these aren't the kinds of memories I'd want to remember. She lives away from all her family so she's on the phone to her mum and some of her sisters every day. She's always been addicted to the phone. It's funny because sometimes she actually complains that her mum calls her all the time. But yeah I think she just sees this as the normal thing to do. Just makes me wonder what's going to happen when I properly move into my own place and have my own life and family. Is she going to be calling me every day? I do feel bad though because she obviously just isn't ready to let go and it must be hard for mums. I did actually once bring it up, back when I'd sometimes purposefully ignore her calls but then things went back to normal and she was calling every day again. She told me to text her that i'm ok and what I've been up to but often there isn't much to say. Apart from just a text saying 'I'm fine'. And then she'd just reply and ask to facetime anyway.
    I'm happy to keep in contact every day via text, it's just facetime is quite full on.
    Does she have Facebook? I'll tag my mum in things and like/comment on her posts or I'll send her a link of something I think she'll like so she knows I'm still alive and haven't forgotten about her! It's just an easy way to stay in touch without it being a hassle seeing as I'm on Facebook anyway! If she doesn't you should set her up an account! It really does help people stay socially connected and my mum is a member on lots of Tibetan terrier pages and likes to talk to people about dogs 😂
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play

    You're brave, I'd only pick up my mom's calls once every 3-4 weeks because I hate naggy behavior. To be honest you shouldn't feel bad for wanting your own space, and it's not like 3rd year isn't hard enough with all the work you already have to do. Just ask her to dial it down to a few days a week or w/e you're comfortable with so that you can live your life.

    I too have experience of the same situation except my Mum used to facetime twice or three times a week. If I were you, I would make it a point to discuss this matter with your mother. Tell her how you feel about being facetimed every night, both the positives and the drawbacks. Make it clear to her that she can facetime but perhaps not so regularly-perhaps agree on a selected day(s) and times to facetime. I'm sure there are other things you want to spend your night on. Your mother should understand that too as well as not facetiming her can allow you to relax.

    Parents can be clingy. I would say just rearrange a day where you always chat like Sunday morning rather than every night. You'll have more to talk about then anyways. Be causal about it though so you don't hurt her feelings. Just say youre busy studying
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 6, 2018
What's the best type of cheese?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.