It is a guy who was on my Masters course as a mature student last year; i'm in my mid-20s and he's mid-40s.
I wouldn't say I've cut him out completely, I'm happy to chat to him now and again and maybe see him in a group but we definitely speak a lot less now.
He was often very kind and helpful and gave me useful advice about work, love life etc. I cannot criticise him for that. He was also often very fu nny and entertaining.
However, he was married with two kids but often flirted with me/made comments. I thought at first it was just harmless/him being kind.
At first he'd started off saying I was very pretty which I thought was kind. Then a bit later I'd been seeing one of our coursemates but it turned out he only wanted FWB whereas i'd wanted more so it ended. I confided in my friend about and he told me something along the lines of I couldn't really blame the guy as I was pretty damn hot.
I'd gotten a part-time job in a school and he said stuff like 'I bet the guys are going crazy for you." And he'd say my pictures on facebook were 'gorgeous' and stuff like that.
The final straw was when he told me 'If I wasn't happily married, I'd whisk you away in a heartbeat.'
I felt absolutely terrible for his wife; maybe she'd had him down as a bit of a flirt but I don't think what he was saying was respectful to her; especially to a girl 20 years younger than him.
I never directly confronted him about the issue, I've just sort of gradually distanced myself from him and I think he's got the message.
I do feel guilty because as I said he could often be very kind and helpful. However, I do now ask myself whether this was just as he was attracted to me.
Was this out-of-line behaviour from him? Have I done the right thing? Thanks
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Was I right to cut this friend out? watch
- Thread Starter
- 05-02-2018 18:56
- Community Assistant
- 05-02-2018 19:44
I think you were right. This man was borderline cheating on his wife. It would have made me uncomfortable too, and I think I would have done the same.
- 05-02-2018 19:47
You did the right thing.
- 05-02-2018 20:08
Literally in the same situation rn, or at least very similar since the guy isn't married. Although I think he was a great friend, his comments were making me too uncomfortable.
I think we did what we had to. It isn't normal. I hope you're doing ok and don't let him do that to you.
- 05-02-2018 20:12
You did do the right thing. If you gave him the chance, he'd cheat on his wife without much thought, not someone you want to be friends with!
- Thread Starter
- 05-02-2018 20:28
Thanks for the replies; I'm reassured to know I've done the right thing! If that was my husband, I would be absolutely horrified to know he was saying that stuff to a girl half his age! There is saying someone is pretty and then saying that I'd be with you if it weren't for my wife. Hopefully he will realise and will not do it with others.