I am obsessed with this idea that I am ugly. When I look in the mirror I see so so many things that are wrong with me. When I walk around I feel trapped in my body, which feels like a weak, deformed, meat suit.
This, I have tried to accept. But people keep telling me how beautiful I am and with that I find myself disorientated in my opinion of myself. I feel myself getting angry that people aren't seeing what I am seeing. It makes me feel very alone, and isolated in my idea of myself.
I get myself into somewhat dangerous situations, where I think people (specifically men) are just talking to me because I am a cool person, and then others around me who care for me have to point out that they have some hidden agenda. I then feel very naive and stupid and, again, confused as to why they would think I am attractive.
What bothers me most about this is;
1. My whole life is seen through this perception of myself as ugly, and I can't let it go and forget about my face or my body. I feel so uncomfortable in the world and I don't like it.
2. The difference in my opinion to others - and why it bothers me so much. My boyfriend tells me that I shouldn't care what I think about myself because the world thinks I'm beautiful. When I completely disagree, as I think it matters most about how you feel about yourself.
Ultimately, I feel very vain and stupid for even posting this, but as it consumes my world and my identity, I would honestly like some help as to where to go from here in getting to a place where I feel happy.
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Body Dysmorphic Disorder? watch
- Thread Starter
- 06-02-2018 17:10
- 06-02-2018 19:05
Posting this is not vain in the slightest. I suffer from BDD too, albeit I've become better at it managing due to a variety of factors; counselling, medication, socialising, doctor visits etc.
It's great that you have someone you trust enough (your boyfriend) to share such sensitive topics with, so you've made the first positive step already. My advice would be to go see a doctor. They see people with all kinds of problems so by no means your situation is unique.