so this is going to be long but bare which cause i would like to know what people think of me as well as my ex.
to understand my question i have to take you back to the start.
i started seeing my ex three years ago and had next to no experience of being in a relationship or sexually. he was my first but i was unsure if i wanted to have a serious boyfriend. he was nice but clingy so i broke up with him but then we got back together and he was less clingy and on guard, this as well as wanting more experience i messaged a few guys at the same time (use your imagination) nothing physical happened but my ex found out. he then took me back, i had lied about the amount of guys there were but he fond them all out by looking on my phone. basically the whole truth is out now, after this we would "break up" all the time but always get back together, him doing all the dumping.
one time when "we were on a break" his words not mine, he met with someone and told me about it saying it made him realise he loved me. he to this day doesnt count it as cheating even though he said he loved me earlier that day even though we were technically on a break. but who was i to know he always broke up with me so they didnt count.
to uni. things werent great for a while but we had a pretty fight free summer and were moving to uni together and living in the same flat (yes we are still in the same flat now). basically he had doubts about this but i always thought we talked them through and that he loved me because he has told me now that he loved me in summer.
we lasted about 3/4 weeks before he broke up with me (the first time) and obviously this was nothing new so i thought nothing of it, i was always in his room and staying in his bed but then he said he wanted more space and didnt really like me sleeping in the bed all the time. i literally slept in the bed no more than 4 times a week. he never came to my room so of course i had to go to his. but he never wanted to watch our shows or movies and just sat on his phone.
we would have sex and talk but the majority of the time i would be bored and he would wonder why i went to my room to be alone. after every fight he said it was over but this happened all the time and now we live together so i thought "okay sure it is". this went on for a while and we would sleep together and he would tell me we werent together.....after. then we went home for christmas and even got presents for each other. we also had sex when we seem each other over christmas but spent new years separate which was awkward because the parents were asking questions.
we got back to uni in january and had sex and hung out together but then the other flatmates came back and i started to get ignored so we had a fight. it was clear we were done. i ignored random snapchats that were clearly not just for me and he deleted me. we didnt talk for a week and he invited the whole flat out except me. he then brought soemone back that night and i let my anger get the best of me and we had a massive fight because of how disrespectful it was. so i tried to move on on dating apps and we werent speaking but the next week (of not speaking) he invited everyone out again, except me. but came in and apologised for everything in the past and said he wanted to be friends but he was seeing someone. i accepted it as i thought i was over him and honestly there was no other choice as we lived together.
that night he brought the person back to our flat but i didnt get angry this time. i went to talk the next day and found out the info on this person (as a friend) we talked about the dating apps and people we had been with since (it wasnt as weird as it sounds) i actually thought i was okay with it.
this turned into us having sex and him suggesting we do FWB...an hour after the other person left. i agreed to it and we hung out the whole day until the other person came back and i basically got kicked out which annoyed me.
i would like to point out right until this very moment he has not stated that the relationship he is having is serious as he likes to say he would not cheat on someone
the next day the person stayed for a very long time and when he left i was ignored which was annoying. they then came back that night before they had to go to work. i went out.
i messaged him saying i wanted FWB that night and he made up excused so i asked if it was only when he wanted it. (so far im the one messaging him) we eventually got together and then i hung out in his room into the early early hours of the morning. then the other person was coming over to stay as they finished work. he got a shower after us because he clearly had to wash me off him and dispite me asking if the other person was coming. (i asked if iwas welcome to go get bed clothes on and come back and he asked "as in sleep in the bed" which was the moment i knew they would be coming) he said he wasnt sure until an hour before where we said they are most likely coming which then turned into they will be here in an hour so you dont have to go yet. i then fell asleep to be woken up and basically told to leave instead of him messaging them and saying "actually is like 6am just go home".
he insists they havent had sex but they spend hours in the room. they have done stuff but apparently not sex and he just likes them and theyare nice. he apparently doesnt go on his phone loads with them too which is a slap in the face as he is always on his phone around me and always has been.
we spent a nice day together and i messaged him asking if he wanted to get together and he said no but i could come see him in his room, so i did. i noticed he was aroused by his body language and he was. dispite this he said no but i could tell he wanted me. as i was going he got aroused again but it was still a no. as i was leaving for my friends flat (next building) he was being extremly sexual and flirty making me really horny and he said if i hadnt have left he would have slept with me. by this point i was in my friends flat so i made a excuse and went back to him then had sex and went back to my friends. the other peron wasnt coming.
today! i went to his room as a friend...possibly to his dismay i didn't really feel welcome. nothing happened and i didnt really try to make anything happen. later tonight i messaged him and i think he was horny but pretended not to be but his reason why we coudnt do anything was because the other person was coming soon and he didnt want to do anything right before....but did agree to have sex again.
the other person is staying over as i type and i am unaware if they have had sex yet.
i would like to remind you i have slept with people since we have broken up so since i want him his non serious relationship is confusing me
so my questions are
do i want to know when and if they have sex?
when and if they are getting more serious? (well he will prob tell me that when i message him)
should i message him for sex or wait and see if he wants me? but my worry here is that he will just get more attached to the other person.
am i being stupid? does he clearly like this person since he has sex wit me but sleeps in the same bed as them?
if he does end up wanting me, considering the brief 3 year story, is it worth it?
i feel like if we ever got back together we would have to start completely over and if it was the same i wouldnt want him. but for now i cant think of any way us getting back together after this wouldnt work since we have had the break both of us needed.
also please feel free to mention any points you think i should know the answer too as well!
thank you for reading please give good advice!! x
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my ex boyfriend is sleeping with me but seeing someone watch
- Thread Starter
- 07-02-2018 10:06
- 07-02-2018 10:07
i’m not reading all of that. but from the title, i suggest you get rid of him ASAP.
- 07-02-2018 11:34
snitch on him. Tell his gyal bout the hanky panky that insecure and disloyal wankah is doing with you. Hopefully you save dat girl from it getting any worse.
P.S. Do a TL;DR no average Joe gonna read dat whole ting
- 07-02-2018 12:14
and I thought my posts were long...
- 07-02-2018 12:24
honestly why are you wasting your time. you're clearly not over him. if you were then you'd only be sleeping with random other guys, not him as well. doesn't sound like you should get back together, you've both damaged your relationship quite a bit. if he does decide he wants you then for your own self worth, tell him no. he's been playing you around. you should also probably respect the other girl, as even though it might not be serious, I doubt she'd be happy if she found out. it may be more serious for her then he's letting on. just because you were there first doesn't mean you own him.
- 07-02-2018 12:25
Ok if he is sleeping with you and is your ex that's one thing but if you are aware that he is sleeping with someone else that's not cool.
So best thing to do no matter how much you care about him is to end the sexual relationship because at tge moment he doesn't care enough about you to give you to give you his full attention and commitment so the only thing to save you self is to cut your ties.
Unfortunately he is not serious and there's a possibility that just sleeping with him can continue for years with him still having his cake and more.
So do ureself a favour and don't downgrade yourself for someone who is far from thinking how this might make you feel.
Always remember that people only treat us the way we allow them to the sooner you wake up to what's going on the more empowered you will. First or not he is taking the piss out of you.