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    This year I was put in a flat with a mature student and four international students (I'm 20). Though four of them are very nice, I've obviously had trouble relating to them, and the internationals prefer to go out with others from their home countries, while the mature student understandably doesn't want to go out too much as he's in his late twenties. I've met people from other flats, some of whom are friendly, but I don't see them enough to form proper friendships. This has also impacted friendships on my course, as most people seem to sit with people who live in the same accommodation as them; I only know of one guy on my course who lives in the same block as me, but now he never seems to be in lectures, so I invariably sit on my own. I joined some societies last semester, but after lectures I felt too tired to go to any of the meetings/socials. I have resolved to start attending them this semester, though. The result of all this is that I haven't made any real friendships and therefore I have no one to live with next year. I think I'm just going to go back into uni accommodation, this time trying to make sure that I'm in a flat with non-international people my age.

    Any advice? It's making me feel a bit down.
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    Lets Link up
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    (Original post by boroboro123)
    Lets Link up
    Which uni are you at? I'm at Notts.
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    Yeah notts
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    (Original post by justanotheranon)
    This year I was put in a flat with a mature student and four international students (I'm 20). Though four of them are very nice, I've obviously had trouble relating to them, and the internationals prefer to go out with others from their home countries, while the mature student understandably doesn't want to go out too much as he's in his late twenties. I've met people from other flats, some of whom are friendly, but I don't see them enough to form proper friendships. This has also impacted friendships on my course, as most people seem to sit with people who live in the same accommodation as them; I only know of one guy on my course who lives in the same block as me, but now he never seems to be in lectures, so I invariably sit on my own. I joined some societies last semester, but after lectures I felt too tired to go to any of the meetings/socials. I have resolved to start attending them this semester, though. The result of all this is that I haven't made any real friendships and therefore I have no one to live with next year. I think I'm just going to go back into uni accommodation, this time trying to make sure that I'm in a flat with non-international people my age.

    Any advice? It's making me feel a bit down.
    Hi

    Sorry you have been a bit down.

    I'm Prau from Thailand and I'm a mature international student at the University of Reading (was once at Notts ). I go out with all English and international friends. Sometimes I just feel tired from my study and my brain cannot function well in the second language so I would just hang around with my Thai friends.

    I'm 31 but I still strongly get how you feel as I have been there before when I was your age but maybe slightly in different situation.

    One time when I was an undergraduate student (back in Thailand though), I had some friendship problems as well.In my first year at the University, I was in a group of 10 friends. Later on, I was so annoyed that we all had to wait for everyone to be ready to move to other lectures, to use the toilet, to have a mutual agreement which movie to watch etc. It was such a waste of time. So I ended up having an argument with many of them and decided to walk away and be alone. I was so embarrassed for the first time I walked alone in the University and the rest of them were looking at me and laughing at me.

    Luckily, some friends more mature than me calmed me down and told me this; "Your friends are not going to feel the your pain when you are ill or when you give birth. Some what you call "friends" now might not even be there to say Happy New Year to you or Congratulations when you got a job after you guys graduate. You can just go have 1 or 2 friends that should be enough.". Amazingly, I like woke up from a bad dream at that moment and he just made my day. Why would I bother much about Uni friends and stuff? It does not even make my grade any higher. In fact, it could make things worse if I let those things spinning around in my head too much. If I could turn back time, I would let other people and other factors influence me as little as I can and focus only on my study and my happiness that could be found from something else like watching movies etc. I found some good friends in the end though just don't rush. Having some friends are a good thing though please don't get me wrong.

    One thing about Western value I really appreciate is that you people are independent - unlike us Asian that sometimes we depend too much on other people. So be confident and independent, I would suggest. Not going out with me not liking the same things with me having no plan this evening? fine. Everyone does what everyone likes and I don't mind.

    How about not focusing on with whom to sit in a class but focus on which spot in the class is the best for me to learn in this class. Well, at least this is what I want to tell my 20 year old self to think like this if I could turn back time.....

    Prau
 
 
 
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