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    I am 26 years old, stuck in a dead end job as a housekeeper in the nhs, where im supposed to be working for the patients, but the staff just treat me like their own personal cleaner.

    I have been trying on and off since i was 16 years of age to pass my bloody gcse's so i can proceed to higher education and hopefully make something of myself, but to no avail...i just cant study.

    I feel so stupid and worthless waking up every morning only to come in and clean after fellow staff members and put their crockery in the dishwasher day in; day out. It's like i question myself everyday is this what i want to do for the rest of my life?...even then i cant get myself to begin to study, and i dont want to move around in these dead end jobs.

    I have been through a lot in the past decade...I lost my parent at the cusp of adulthood… I miss her so much, ever since my mums gone its like I don’t feel anything anymore…I feel numb and wont ever be happy without her. She taught me everything but how to live without her. God, I miss you mum, so much. My angel.

    I also had a long battle with hepatitis c, and recovered. The medication for the hepatitis treatment was so strong that i couldn't hold down a job, and got fired from two different apprenticeship opportunities within the nhs.

    I feel like a failure, and dont know what to do. I know i want to work in midwifery, and if it was an ideal world, i would go as far as saying i want to be a midwife. But i know that i will never be able to reach that far, even my teachers have doubted me as ive been growing up.

    I know im not a failure in all aspects of my life, as i passed my practical portion of my driving test the first time, and i couldnt believe it, when they told me i passed because i took three attempts to pass my theory, the third one of which i booked the night before and studied all night to get that pass.

    I have been abused a lot in the past few years to the point where adult social services got involved, and as a result of this i suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I feel scared of people, and run away from positive or any kind of conversations when i can, because i feel like im not good enough or might say or do something wrong. Yes, i am receiving help and counselling from work and am on strong medication.

    I tried to commit suicide in May 2017, and somedays i get so bad i wish i never came home from there. I was in hospital for three days, and came home to the same situation and had nowhere to vent for a long time.

    I dont have any friends. Even though my job involves me being front of house also, i try to be polite and courteous to everyone i interact with involving colleges, but no one ever wants to talk to me besides work...so i in turn as previously mentioned run away.

    I am on the brink of losing this job as well, and am thinking of resigning before they fire me, but my manager won’t talk to me anymore coz I know she’s sick of me taking time off for my health and maybe she just wants to get rid of me. I am on stage 2 monitoring period of the nhs sickness policy and think I have triggered the conditions to move me onto the last part; stage 3 which is dismissal.

    I am so lost, unmotivated, lack faith and personal belief in myself. Im not looking for sympathy, but just a few kind words and a bit of advice might help me head in the right direction.
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    sorry you are at a low point in your life. you could try to make friends outside of work ? perhaps dating agencies ?

    anyway i hope things improve soon.

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    I read it all, sorry to hear this. I'm only 17 so I suppose I don't have that much experience but from what I gather it seems that what you want is to work in midwifery. Would you go as far to say this is your dream? Because I think if you focus on just one thing at a time then things will gradually pick up. So to start, if I were in your situation, I would focus on getting my GCSEs, even though studying is really hard (trust me i know!!!) it gets you a long way and if you work hard you're guaranteed to do well and work towards working in midwifery. I think you just need to believe in yourself which I know seems hard but I really think that if you want something badly enough then you can achieve it I really hope things work out for you.
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    firstly you are not unmotivated. the fact that you have overcome so many obsticles in your life is a clear sign that you are resilient and have the qualities and motivation to keep moving forward and become an amazing midwife or whatever career your path decides!
    i know its easier said than done but finding something to motivate you will really change your study mindset; it could be just waking up in the morning and seeing a sunrise or a close friend that you admire? i think you should use yourself as a motivation, for all that you have been through, wouldn't it be nice to look back and be proud of your overcomings?
    perhaps the reason you feel so unmotivated in studying is due to expecting failures, i understand completely; it took me 5 times to get my maths gcse so i know the mental stress and feeling of unworthiness by comparing yourself to others. but if you ever want to pass your gsces you just need to suck it up and start from the beginning. do past papers, online tests, write notes, cue cards, study for 3-4 hours a night etc. i barely got my gcses and had to do an extra year of a levels but now that i took a longer route i have learnt to love studying and am applying to become a nurse!! so if i can do it, you can too!! (26 is still really young so keep going!!!)
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    Have you spoken to any professional about your worries and your career choices? Have you taken medication for your mental health conditions? Stop doubting yourself and make it happen. You feel so unmotivated but I believe in you. It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. And you definitely need to discuss how you're feeling with your psychiatrist. Attempts may repeat.
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    (Original post by the bear)
    sorry you are at a low point in your life. you could try to make friends outside of work ? perhaps dating agencies ?

    anyway i hope things improve soon.

    :bear:
    Wouldn't really join a dating app to make friends...it seems a bit dodgy to me.

    Thanks for the wishes and hugs
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    (Original post by Ella_08)
    I read it all, sorry to hear this. I'm only 17 so I suppose I don't have that much experience but from what I gather it seems that what you want is to work in midwifery. Would you go as far to say this is your dream? Because I think if you focus on just one thing at a time then things will gradually pick up. So to start, if I were in your situation, I would focus on getting my GCSEs, even though studying is really hard (trust me i know!!!) it gets you a long way and if you work hard you're guaranteed to do well and work towards working in midwifery. I think you just need to believe in yourself which I know seems hard but I really think that if you want something badly enough then you can achieve it I really hope things work out for you.
    Yes, I would say its my dream

    I really hope things work out too and thank you for your kind words x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    firstly you are not unmotivated. the fact that you have overcome so many obsticles in your life is a clear sign that you are resilient and have the qualities and motivation to keep moving forward and become an amazing midwife or whatever career your path decides!
    i know its easier said than done but finding something to motivate you will really change your study mindset; it could be just waking up in the morning and seeing a sunrise or a close friend that you admire? i think you should use yourself as a motivation, for all that you have been through, wouldn't it be nice to look back and be proud of your overcomings?
    perhaps the reason you feel so unmotivated in studying is due to expecting failures, i understand completely; it took me 5 times to get my maths gcse so i know the mental stress and feeling of unworthiness by comparing yourself to others. but if you ever want to pass your gsces you just need to suck it up and start from the beginning. do past papers, online tests, write notes, cue cards, study for 3-4 hours a night etc. i barely got my gcses and had to do an extra year of a levels but now that i took a longer route i have learnt to love studying and am applying to become a nurse!! so if i can do it, you can too!! (26 is still really young so keep going!!!)
    I read this at work this morning and your words really made me tear up. I havent had anyone believe in me in a long time, let alone myself.

    I think i will have to suck it up at some point and get on with it in order to get the life that ive always wanted...the culture that im from make me feel soooo old lol.
    I dont feel young....in fact i was being forced to marry a stranger not long ago...and get comments from so called close people that 'my shelf life is expiring', and that no-will want me because of my age or mental health.

    Anyway, thank you for your warm words and your kindness. I hope your nursing career gets off to a flying start and that you pass everything with flying colours! If i ever become a midwife...i like to think i will come back and post here in the future. X
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    (Original post by Margusha)
    Have you spoken to any professional about your worries and your career choices? Have you taken medication for your mental health conditions? Stop doubting yourself and make it happen. You feel so unmotivated but I believe in you. It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. And you definitely need to discuss how you're feeling with your psychiatrist. Attempts may repeat.
    Yes and yes. Yes I have been on medication, just shy of a year now.

    Deffo...thanks for the advice. https://emojipedia-us.s3.amazonaws.c...f3fb_1f3fb.png
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    Education wise: have you looked into access to HE courses, or foundation years at university? It sounds like you haven’t managed your gcse’s because you had so much else going on there isn’t any room for them (sorry to hear about your mum and all the other pain you have been through). But you aren’t useless, just just need a new perspective and a new opportunity to get a fresh start and become who you want to be.
    From a quick google: http://www.bcu.ac.uk/courses/foundation-midwifery

    I missed a lot of school due to being ill and eventually had to drop out. I’ve often felt stuck and doomed by my illness and seen no way out like you have. It’s cliche but it does get better, you have to work for it though!

    In the grand scheme of things, 26 is still young. Some people completely change career at 30, 40, even 50. It’s never too late to pursue a life that will make you feel the opposite of all the feelings you have listed. You’ll get to the end of this bad period in your life and say “going through that made me strong, it inspired me to do something for me and grab happiness for myself”. Even if you feel weak now, trust me you’re not. Even making this thread was a step in the right direction.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes and yes. Yes I have been on medication, just shy of a year now.

    Deffo...thanks for the advice. https://emojipedia-us.s3.amazonaws.c...f3fb_1f3fb.png
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes and yes. Yes I have been on medication, just shy of a year now.

    Deffo...thanks for the advice. https://emojipedia-us.s3.amazonaws.c...f3fb_1f3fb.png
    You're very welcome! You should never give up. No matter how hard the situation is. Always believe that something beautiful is going to happen.
 
 
 
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