Am I too clingy? (uni relationship)

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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I have a boyfriend at uni, and we've been going out for about 3 months. I think we're pretty serious just because of things that have been said, making casual plans for next year (like both assuming we'll still be together), how much time we've spent together and i've got to know his friends etc (wont bore with the details) and things are going really well with our relationship, obviously it isn't "perfect", as no relationship is, but i sure am happy with him and love him so much.

I just think i am a bit too clingy, but I'm not sure? I always seem to be the one who wants to basically spend 24/7 with him (obviously I know thats unrealistic cuz that's too much), or when we have to spend a night on our own its usually cuz he says its better due to early lectures etc and we cant spend every single night together (which is obviously fair enough). Like if he just naturally stayed with me all day and all night and didn't leave i know i wouldn't object or get sick of it, but it isn't like that which is fine cuz i'm aware it'd be unhealthy if it was.

I think it's partly due to that I don't have as much work as he does (since i'm a fresher and he's a year older), no hobbies and also i'm not very good at spending time alone as i get sad real easy if there's no one around

I don't get annoyed at him for not wanting to spend as much time as i do together, as we do see each other a lot anyway, its not like I'll get genuinely annoyed at him or anything. I might give him a sad face as a slight joke when he says he's gotta go (although i am actually kinda sad) but i try not to make a big deal cuz i know its probably annoying and I don't wanna make him feel guilty for leaving either cuz that would be bad

So i don't know if he actually thinks i'm clingy, since we don't argue about stuff like this or anything and I don't really bring it up (as i know i'm the one who probably just needs to get a life haha), and i'm aware i could just ask him but i feel like he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings and not be 100% honest.

It sounds like i'm complaining, i'm really not, i really wish i wasn't like this and was more chill/needed my own space more but for some reason uni has made me a bit more lonely/needy :/

What do you guys think, am i making it obvious that i'm basically clingy? What should i do?
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shawn_o1
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What are the times where you're not busy. Think about how you can better spend those times.
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Dunnig Kruger
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No one can help their emotions. What we can help is how we act in response to our emotions, From what you've said it sounds like you may well be acting in a not too clingy way, even though you feel to climgy. If that's the case, then no, you are not being too clingy.

To determine if you are acting too clingy, dial back your clinginess behaviour a few notches more - for a while - and see if that improves your relationship / your boyfriends happiness. Tell your boyfriend how much and why you love him during this period, in case he thimks you're going off him when you try this experiment.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by shawn_o1)
What are the times where you're not busy. Think about how you can better spend those times.
Im not busy quite a lot, like when i dont have lectures or any more work to do im not busy and i cant even chill with my flatmates cuz I dont really know them :/
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
No one can help their emotions. What we can help is how we act in response to our emotions, From what you've said it sounds like you may well be acting in a not too clingy way, even though you feel to climgy. If that's the case, then no, you are not being too clingy.

To determine if you are acting too clingy, dial back your clinginess behaviour a few notches more - for a while - and see if that improves your relationship / your boyfriends happiness. Tell your boyfriend how much and why you love him during this period, in case he thimks you're going off him when you try this experiment.
Yeah I suppose I could dial it down a little, it's just really hard to stop myself from like asking to hang out a lot or worrying when i'm next going to see them. It's like i'm addicted to being around them so it feels wrong when i go a day without it aha i sound like some kind of druggie, so asking to hang out less is gonna be really difficult considering most of the time he doesn't object anyway. I guess i'm kinda scared that if i don't initiate seeing each other as much, he wont ask to see me much and then barely see each other. Sounds ridiculous but i'm just paranoid
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shawn_o1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Im not busy quite a lot, like when i dont have lectures or any more work to do im not busy and i cant even chill with my flatmates cuz I dont really know them :/
You have a lot of free time then. Part time job is a good way to meet new people?
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Anom12349537:/
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Won't lie to you yes it sound like your tad clingy. I **** myself at the thought of uni and having a relationship. I dated a girl for 2 years before going to uni. I was hoping it would work and wondered if it was possible. Truth is yes it is possible! I stayed with her the whole first year. However it takes so much time and effort to maintain a relationship with someone you hardly see anymore. Honestly I broke up with her at the beginning of the second year and trying to keep it together and braking up through text and phone calls is so unclean! Made it 30 times harder. I wish I had broke up as a mural friend decision! I now having so so so so much more fine that I did last year and am able to do me if you know what I mean. 3 months isn't long enough to start along term relationship
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Anonymous #2
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Hey anon,
I am just like you. We sound the same. I’m a very naturally intensely loving person and I enjoyed talking to my boyfriend lots and giving him affection, we’ve just broken up sadly. He says I was too loving and too intense which I agree with, but he himself was very closed off. Your boyfriend sounds like he is much more open and loving to you, which is perfect! I agree, maybe try and pick up a hobby or spend more time with your friends. I think it’s fine to talk everyday but make sure you have days to yourself too! We dated for 3 months before we broke it off, and I hope your relationship works. It’s all about maintaining a balance between self love, friends and your boyfriend of course. If you feel sad, maybe try mindfulness, meditation, exercise or reading when you’re alone? I love horse riding or going to the gym when I’m alone, and it releases endorphins so you shouldn’t feel as sad. Good luck girl x
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