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Should I worry about getting ghosted? watch

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    I'm not sure if 'being ghosted' is just an american term or not. It basically refers to a friend or love interest suddenly cutting off all communication at once. It happens to me -- a lot. Last semester, I was hanging out with a guy who I had a really good feeling about, and mid-November, like the leaves that drop from the trees in fall, he dropped off the face of the earth. What's frustrating is I can't figure out why! Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong? Idk... As some background, I'm a Freshman at UC Berkeley intending to major in Computer Science or Statistics. I'm not very attractive, I'm over-weight, I have brown hair and green eyes, bad skin, slightly crooked teeth, and a faulty fashion sense. I get that I'm not super attractive, but I have the distinct feeling that they wouldn't have chosen to hang out with me for months at a time if I was really that bad. I don't understand why this always happens. Every guy I like has dumped me by choosing to just cut me out of their lives. I know that loosing weight is achievable, and I have Invisilign to fix my teeth. I have reactions with certain products and food which cause me to break out. I know that if I really tried I could probably pass off as a 7-8/10. I just don't want to. I don't want to change my physical appearance for others, but I feel like if I don't, I'll just remain single forever...
    • #1
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    (Original post by ybordag)
    I'm not sure if 'being ghosted' is just an american term or not. It basically refers to a friend or love interest suddenly cutting off all communication at once. It happens to me -- a lot. Last semester, I was hanging out with a guy who I had a really good feeling about, and mid-November, like the leaves that drop from the trees in fall, he dropped off the face of the earth. What's frustrating is I can't figure out why! Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong? Idk... As some background, I'm a Freshman at UC Berkeley intending to major in Computer Science or Statistics. I'm not very attractive, I'm over-weight, I have brown hair and green eyes, bad skin, slightly crooked teeth, and a faulty fashion sense. I get that I'm not super attractive, but I have the distinct feeling that they wouldn't have chosen to hang out with me for months at a time if I was really that bad. I don't understand why this always happens. Every guy I like has dumped me by choosing to just cut me out of their lives. I know that loosing weight is achievable, and I have Invisilign to fix my teeth. I have reactions with certain products and food which cause me to break out. I know that if I really tried I could probably pass off as a 7-8/10. I just don't want to. I don't want to change my physical appearance for others, but I feel like if I don't, I'll just remain single forever...
    I understand because I feel like I get ghosted by guys a lot too, and the worst part is that I can't blame my looks or personality since I am better looking and nicer than them. It sounds terribly arrogant to say that, but I think most people would agree. Anyway, I think you sound like you can be conventionally attractive if you made those changes but I am really pleased that you don't want to change yourself to please others. It is lovely to see women empowered and not pressurised to confirm. We deserve better than cowardly guys who ghost on us anyway. They aren't worthy of our company and it's their loss, in my humble opinion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand because I feel like I get ghosted by guys a lot too, and the worst part is that I can't blame my looks or personality since I am better looking and nicer than them. It sounds terribly arrogant to say that, but I think most people would agree. Anyway, I think you sound like you can be conventionally attractive if you made those changes but I am really pleased that you don't want to change yourself to please others. It is lovely to see women empowered and not pressurised to confirm. We deserve better than cowardly guys who ghost on us anyway. They aren't worthy of our company and it's their loss, in my humble opinion.
    Thanks for this! The main reason I don't want to change is that I'm not convinced that it would make me happy. I don't feel like I'm horribly ugly, but I know there are things I would like to improve on like changing my diet and exercise so that I am healthier, but doing it so that others think I'm attractive just feels wrong. I'm rather disillusioned with guys who think it's okay to just disappear. But as you said, "They aren't worthy of our company and it's their loss"
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    (Original post by ybordag)
    Thanks for this! The main reason I don't want to change is that I'm not convinced that it would make me happy. I don't feel like I'm horribly ugly, but I know there are things I would like to improve on like changing my diet and exercise so that I am healthier, but doing it so that others think I'm attractive just feels wrong. I'm rather disillusioned with guys who think it's okay to just disappear. But as you said, "They aren't worthy of our company and it's their loss"
    You're WELCOME! Honestly, I highly doubt you are ugly and that your appearance or character is why these guys ghosted. They were probably just after one thing and were using us to pass the time and etc. I think you are probably more attractive than you give yourself credit for. You seem confident in your own skin though and that is one of the most attractive attributes a person can have and honestly your description didn't sound off putting. In fact, I was intrigued by your combination of brown hair and green eyes which is beautiful and rare. Yes, you have the right thinking in regards to making those lifestyle changes for the sake of improving your health and well-being rather than solely to impress others. I feel like everyone should strive for that if they aren't already doing so, myself included in that as I don't eat, exercise, or sleep properly. I feel it is definitely wrong to do this only to impress others as well and not staying true to oneself. Personal improvement and self-love is really important, because we have to live with ourselves 24/7, whereas people come and go. I feel the same way, because I genuinely become concerned about their welfare too as I care/cared about them and wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt but there is only so long that lasts. Indeed, we are better off without pathetic guys like that in our lives; it says a lot about the type of people they are. I am aware women are not perfect, but never have I or others I know experienced (at the hands of another woman) or done something like this to people especially for no good reason. It tends to be guys doing this to girls and it is cowardly, cruel and heartless. I can't really fathom it either as these guys were just my friends and I didn't say anything to offend them or anyone/anything they cared about so it doesn't make much sense. I would rather they straight up tell me why they want to cut off communication, but truth be told, the reasoning is probably crap so they do it the "easy" way.
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    Ghosting happens anywhere in the world. It usually happens around the first few dates when you're still trying to get to know each other.

    Somehow in the time you knew him, a red flag or something he didn't like popped up and he started to lose interest. He may have been too afraid to confront you about what that thing was as it may have upset you further but ghosting isn't really nice either.

    I would just assume that it's his loss and move on. It could have been many reasons that he stopped talking to you, but you just need to keep going and forget about him now.
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    I do not believe in ghosts
    • #2
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    Although it's something I hate and have struggled with myself, ultimately anyone who ghosts you is a ******* and a pitiful excuse for a human being; be grateful they saved you the trouble of getting rid of them.
 
 
 
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