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I feel like a different person at school and home watch

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    At school, I am naturally cool-headed and analytical of any situations. I attempt to resolve misunderstandings by using my head. School is a place that I enjoy much more then than home for the sole reason that I feel much safer and in control of my environment. I get along with my peers fairly well, schoolwork is a breeze, there is absolutely no anger or frustration I can take to bottle up. I enjoy all my classes, school for me is the most enjoyable part of the day.

    At home, my impulses and emotions are all over the negative spectrum. Instead of feeling like I have a good understanding of the situation, I am perpetually flustered and skittish. Misunderstandings provoke feelings of panic, panic that if I do not correct the facts, my parents will have a distorted view of me.

    I think is because I am very secretive about my internal thoughts, and the lack of direct communication (from me, about me) has led my parents to having flawed interpretations of my inner thoughts based on what is perceived on the outside. My mother tends think by putting herself in other people’s shoes- that is, other people’s situations but how they would feel if they had her personality. My father reads internet articles and tries to tie my every action to a teenage stereotype.

    In short, I do not openly share my true thoughts, yet I can’t stand to hear my parents form flawed conclusions of me, usually those based off the first two Google searches of stereotypical teenagers (yes, the family computer contains searches like ‘what all teenagers think when their parents criticize them’ as well as ‘what teenager hormones make them question their parents’). Once I realized my parents were withholding information they deemed ‘I won’t understand ‘ and having ‘secret’ discussions about me, I have become increasingly paranoid of the fact that, contrary to my previous beliefs, they do not trust that I lack the maturity to think from their perspective. I have tried to just eliminate that desire for understanding, but, even as my parents try to reduce my every explanation as a variation of some stereotype, I still find myself instinctively wanting to be understood even as the rational part of me says that the cow might as well jump over the moon. Recently, I have also started to fear that soon enough I will think with my impulses and emotions instead of from a fair, third-person view.

    At home, I constantly feel like a person falling off a treadmill.
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    The fact your parents look for infromation on the web and discussing your behaviour ony proves how they care about you. All parents and children have misunderstandings and the only way to overcome them is try to talk sincerely to each other and try to hear each other. I understand that you might feel angry that you can't be a person you think you really are near your parents but most people act a bit different when their parents are around, perhaps even your mom and dad when they are with their parents. The only advice I can give is try to be sincere with parents. The love you and they worry about you.
 
 
 
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