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I can't help but feel like a massive let-down. watch

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    Ever since a young age, I have always been dubbed as an intelligent pupil who will grow up to be successful. I guess I was just one of those 'naturally' smart kids. I am now 17 and regretting everything.

    My childhood has been affected by my undiagnosed selective mutism. Yes, it has never been diagnosed because I've been too afraid to receive a label but I'm certain I had this. It is a condition where I feel physically unable to speak in specific situations; for example, my year 7 Religious Studies teacher picked on me to match the key terms with their definitions on the board and I just stared at the board until she eventually picked someone else. I didn't utter a word. Thankfully, although I'm still a nervous wreck, I have overcome this on my own in the past year and I can now talk to other people.

    I try not to refer to it as a disease, disorder or illness. You usually associate these terms with somebody who is unstable or close to death - I just wanted to be normal. This condition has affected my entire life but I first realised how bad it was when I started secondary school. Being placed in the top sets with mainly unfamiliar faces was daunting for me. Nobody in the whole year really knew me because I shut myself away from them because I was so scared of talking to people. I made one friend from my tutor group and and then we made friends with another 2 kids. When I found my first friend making fun of me behind my back, I wanted to kill him but I simply ended the friendship. Still, I became close friends with one of the other people but they always spent time with the kid I was no longer friends with. I spent time around the person I hated and it essentially drove me insane. Up until year 11, before my GCSEs, I was friends with this one person but then I started to feel that he just wanted to get rid of me so I separated myself. It was this time when I first had an epiphany and thought that it's down to me to sort this out. I made short-term friends with a group up until the end of the year just to get me through the GCSEs without being a loner. The group had a lot of racist humour as there was a black member and two Asian members. One day I made a racist joke and the black member overreacted and reported me, I was excluded for a few days for this and it was the first time I was ever told off. Now I probably can't go anywhere in life if this follows me.. no jobs, no uni, no nothing..

    I've had depression, bad thoughts (no details) for years yet I have told nobody about these. This is the most I have ever opened up so far. I thought that if I told someone, they wouldn't take me seriously so I preferred to let it all breeze past which I feel like it is doing so slowly. I will always have these scars but I'm a stronger person.

    I was expected to get extremely good GCSE grades, I think they were all predicted to be A's and A*'s but... I ended up with 2 A*'s, 3 A's, 3 B's and 3 C's.. I was lazy, emotionally drained and I didn't revise at home. We did plenty of revision at school but I didn't really know that my grades would be so terrible - I felt that I did well in some of the lower graded subjects. It's even worse because I got a C in the subject I'm most interested in and a B in my 2nd subject of most interest - both of which I am doing at A-Level. How am I supposed to explain to a potential university that I only got a C in the subject I want to do?!

    So my sixth form journey has been an improvement so far. I'm so relieved to have these people out of my life, I'm making friends with people who I never thought I would have had a connection with and it's making me feel much better. Last year (December) I was so bored at home that I just started to work just to be productive. I'm just trying to decide if it is worth working hard if:
    1. My GCSE results aren't great.
    2. I was excluded once.
    3. My sixth form has a poor reputation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ever since a young age, I have always been dubbed as an intelligent pupil who will grow up to be successful. I guess I was just one of those 'naturally' smart kids. I am now 17 and regretting everything.

    My childhood has been affected by my undiagnosed selective mutism. Yes, it has never been diagnosed because I've been too afraid to receive a label but I'm certain I had this. It is a condition where I feel physically unable to speak in specific situations; for example, my year 7 Religious Studies teacher picked on me to match the key terms with their definitions on the board and I just stared at the board until she eventually picked someone else. I didn't utter a word. Thankfully, although I'm still a nervous wreck, I have overcome this on my own in the past year and I can now talk to other people.

    I try not to refer to it as a disease, disorder or illness. You usually associate these terms with somebody who is unstable or close to death - I just wanted to be normal. This condition has affected my entire life but I first realised how bad it was when I started secondary school. Being placed in the top sets with mainly unfamiliar faces was daunting for me. Nobody in the whole year really knew me because I shut myself away from them because I was so scared of talking to people. I made one friend from my tutor group and and then we made friends with another 2 kids. When I found my first friend making fun of me behind my back, I wanted to kill him but I simply ended the friendship. Still, I became close friends with one of the other people but they always spent time with the kid I was no longer friends with. I spent time around the person I hated and it essentially drove me insane. Up until year 11, before my GCSEs, I was friends with this one person but then I started to feel that he just wanted to get rid of me so I separated myself. It was this time when I first had an epiphany and thought that it's down to me to sort this out. I made short-term friends with a group up until the end of the year just to get me through the GCSEs without being a loner. The group had a lot of racist humour as there was a black member and two Asian members. One day I made a racist joke and the black member overreacted and reported me, I was excluded for a few days for this and it was the first time I was ever told off. Now I probably can't go anywhere in life if this follows me.. no jobs, no uni, no nothing..

    I've had depression, bad thoughts (no details) for years yet I have told nobody about these. This is the most I have ever opened up so far. I thought that if I told someone, they wouldn't take me seriously so I preferred to let it all breeze past which I feel like it is doing so slowly. I will always have these scars but I'm a stronger person.

    I was expected to get extremely good GCSE grades, I think they were all predicted to be A's and A*'s but... I ended up with 2 A*'s, 3 A's, 3 B's and 3 C's.. I was lazy, emotionally drained and I didn't revise at home. We did plenty of revision at school but I didn't really know that my grades would be so terrible - I felt that I did well in some of the lower graded subjects. It's even worse because I got a C in the subject I'm most interested in and a B in my 2nd subject of most interest - both of which I am doing at A-Level. How am I supposed to explain to a potential university that I only got a C in the subject I want to do?!

    So my sixth form journey has been an improvement so far. I'm so relieved to have these people out of my life, I'm making friends with people who I never thought I would have had a connection with and it's making me feel much better. Last year (December) I was so bored at home that I just started to work just to be productive. I'm just trying to decide if it is worth working hard if:
    1. My GCSE results aren't great.
    2. I was excluded once.
    3. My sixth form has a poor reputation.
    One exclusion when you were younger won't do much harm if any. Your GCSEs results are still pretty good and your sixth forms reputation wont matter. I know it's difficult to see the positives but many people don't associate disorders and illnesses that way, I never have with anything I have and honestly what is normal , I don't know many people who don't have at least one thing diagnosably wrong with them.
 
 
 
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