It’s quite a long story, but please pay attention, I don’t know what to do.
So in school, there’s 8 of us in our friendship group. We all usually get on well, and I’d say I was close to about 4 of them. I considered Jane my bestfriend, because we’d always go out with each other on the weekend, the rest of the group never really wanted to. We always had a laugh together, and talked to each other about serious stuff.
She talked to this boy, and I thought she liked him, but whenever I asked she would adamantly say she didn’t. Then he started talking to me, he was flirting and asking me to FaceTime him a lot, I replied not to be rude, and we became friends. He asked me to go out, and I admit I did have a crush on him for a short short while, but I said no because I had a feeling Jane liked him.
Then for 2 whole days in school, Jane completely ignored me. I tried to speak to her, but then because she was closed off from me, I kinda detached myself. In the night I decided not to run away from whatever it was, I messaged her asking if I’d done anything wrong. She didn’t want to say at first, but I begged to know, so she told me that she thinks me and the boy were getting together. And that she was fed up of being the “third wheel” for me and boys. I said I understood why she might feel like that, but I don’t feel the same about him. I even sent her screenshots of our messages to prove I don’t like him. Even if I did like him briefly, you can’t help who you like... isn’t a good friend someone who says “I’ll stop speaking to him because I’d rather have you as a friend” ??
Anyway, it began getting really awkward in school. It seemed like she was purposely trying to make me feel awkward, by trying to turn the other girls against me. I might’ve been paranoid, but Jane and Tia were the worst. I left the class and when I came back in my coat was on the floor, they were giggling as if they’d done it. Little things like that. People think I’m strong but I’m actually really sensitive.
A couple of different people told me that Jane had been talking about me behind my back to some of the “popular girls”, that’s something I would never have done about her! And then the worst thing, a rumour was going around the school, almost everyone in my year group had found out, something I had done with an ex-boyfriend. This was a secret I had told her, she promised never to tell anyone.
I walked out of lessons the next day because she was acting all innocent, and being all loud. I went to the pastoral office. The pastoral teacher was lovely, I explained to her everything that happened, and she called Jane out of lesson to come and speak to me. Jane was crying the whole time we were speaking, so that made it seem to me that she really cared. She said she hadn’t been talking about me, and that she only told one person the rumour and others must’ve overheard it. I’m not sure whether I believe this, but I’m not that bothered anymore. I’m bothered that she knows this is a rough time for me, that I’m currently looking for my father who over never met, and he’s not replying to any of my letters. And it really bugs me that she’s suddenly become close with Tia, I feel a bit replaced to be honest. Which sucks because I really miss her.
She said she needs some time to get over it. But it has been about 3/4 weeks. Neither of us know why we’re arguing. I asked her if we can forget it and she said yeah. But we still haven’t spoke to each other.
What should I do next? The boy has admitted to her that he likes he, and she’s still speaking to him which is a bit unfair! I know I’m in the wrong for speaking to him in the first place, but is it worth me begging to be her friend if she’s more in the wrong?
Thanks for any advice x
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NEED an outsiders opinion watch
- Thread Starter
- 10-02-2018 13:05
- Community Assistant
- 16-02-2018 19:57
Sounds like you two need to sit down together and just have a long talk. Tell each other how you feel about all these situations and come up with solutions. Also, I assume the thing you told her about an ex was a sexual thing, in which case never tell anyone that kind of thing. You never know when it will backfire.
- Thread Starter
- 01-03-2018 02:16
- 01-03-2018 18:01
These kinds of school dramas tend to happen a lot, so you're not alone in that. I had my fair share of these sorts of fights when I was in school too.
I agree with the other reply, definetley have a long chat with her outside of school and away from teachers, because it's then you're most likely to get the truthful responses. If nothing changes after that, as much as I hate to say it I would distance yourself from her. I know you want to keep her as a friend but the more determined she is to be destructive because, I'm assuming, she doesn't like being put on the back seat when you form new relationships, the worse it's going to be for you to keep her around as friend. The fact that she might've spread rumours, she's doing silly little things to get on your nerves and talking behind your back is a clear sign this girl is likely not very good for you.
You might surprise yourself by the weight that's lifted off you after you seperate yourself from people like this. As for this boy, it's nobody's fault that he likes you instead of her. From the sounds of things this is probably what she's most upset about. If you're determiend to keep her as a friend, then it's ok to turn him down. But it's also an option to pursue a relationship with him if you didn't mind putting that friendship in danger. It's not nice to have the ultimatem at all, but the best cure for these kinds of things is time.