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    Okay I’m gonna try and break down whats happening because I have no ****ing idea what is happening inside my head.

    I don’t know how I feel, all I know is that it isn’t normal to feel how I feel. I have no direct cause to feel this way I just feel this way, I live in a really *****y situation but it doesnt make me sad, I’m already ‘sad’ and that just makes it worse.

    Im tired, I’m really really tired all the time, again there is no cause for tiredness, I don’t run 100 miles a day, but I feel like I’m just constantly tired, anything I have to do just seems like a mountain to climb, maybe I’m lazy, but I don’t get why I am so so tired.

    I thought maybe its depression, but there are so many god damn types, major depression is the ‘normal’ one, but I don’t go in and out of being depressed , I just am depressed. I don’t know a time when I felt different to this, its been that long I have no idea who I am anymore.

    Everything negative spirals. If something really small happens I will take that and spin it into something much worse, its like my ‘friends’ left me out of secret Santa thing at Christmas, then I spent days thinking about why I am such a bad person, why no one will like me, why I’m such a god damn weird kid, basically just hated myself, now anytime I feel like hating myself I will always go to events like to back up my ‘argument’, as if I argue with myself, I do but that **** is crazy.

    Everything I care about doing has to be perfect, for example I made a music video for a2 media, people have been complimenting me about it, but all I can do is focus on every negative thing about my music video, I have convinced myself I’m a complete failure who will never get anywhere in life. I have 2 extremes, either do something and it has to be perfect, or don’t care about it and fail. I will be a failure unless I get full marks, which seems crazy but thats how I think, I can’t change how I think, last year at AS I got 57/60 marks, but I again convinced myself I was a failure.

    If I’m happy about a piece of work I have done (which hardly ever happens), I can never give myself credit for it, for example I did a photoshoot with a friend and I liked the photos I took, for three seconds, until I convinced myself all I did is click a button on a camera, my model is the one that made the photos a success.

    A lot of the time I just feel numb, again I can’t explain it, I just don’t feel anything, even when something really bad happens I will continue to feel numb, then ill get upset about it, feel everything all at once, and go back to feeling numb.

    Its a cycle, im always feeling depressed, but its like I reach rock bottom, get really really depressed, bring myself back up again, hit rock bottom again. When I hit rock bottom I often think about k ill ingggg myself, because I can’t take this cycle, nothing changes, its literally like being stuck in hell.

    Most of the time I end up comfort eating / overeating, I don’t know why I guess Its a way to self destruct

    Can’t concentrate most of the time, it takes me ages to complete tasks at school because I have to keep reading stuff in the text book over and over again until something goes into my head.

    I don’t act like a stereotypical depressed person would act, I can get out of bed in the morning is just difficult, I don’t go in and out of depression, I can’t just have major depression.

    I think the worst thing is is that nobody knows, I am unable to tell anyone about anything personal, I really hate the feeling of someone caring about me (idk why it just makes me really uncomfortable). Its so annoying, people have no idea about how isolated and depressed I’ve made myself, teachers have no idea about the reason why I can’t meet deadlines, i feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

    So I’m stuck, I’m nervous about going to a GP because I think they’re allowed to tell my parents which will make everything worse (I don’t have a normal family at all), I looked up so many types of mental health issues, apparently theres a thing called high functioning depression, idk whether thats the same as persistent depression disorder, idk whats wrong with me. This is not an attention thing, I fricken hate attention, like I said it actually makes me physically uncomfortable.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay I’m gonna try and break down whats happening because I have no ****ing idea what is happening inside my head.

    I don’t know how I feel, all I know is that it isn’t normal to feel how I feel. I have no direct cause to feel this way I just feel this way, I live in a really *****y situation but it doesnt make me sad, I’m already ‘sad’ and that just makes it worse.

    Im tired, I’m really really tired all the time, again there is no cause for tiredness, I don’t run 100 miles a day, but I feel like I’m just constantly tired, anything I have to do just seems like a mountain to climb, maybe I’m lazy, but I don’t get why I am so so tired.

    I thought maybe its depression, but there are so many god damn types, major depression is the ‘normal’ one, but I don’t go in and out of being depressed , I just am depressed. I don’t know a time when I felt different to this, its been that long I have no idea who I am anymore.

    Everything negative spirals. If something really small happens I will take that and spin it into something much worse, its like my ‘friends’ left me out of secret Santa thing at Christmas, then I spent days thinking about why I am such a bad person, why no one will like me, why I’m such a god damn weird kid, basically just hated myself, now anytime I feel like hating myself I will always go to events like to back up my ‘argument’, as if I argue with myself, I do but that **** is crazy.

    Everything I care about doing has to be perfect, for example I made a music video for a2 media, people have been complimenting me about it, but all I can do is focus on every negative thing about my music video, I have convinced myself I’m a complete failure who will never get anywhere in life. I have 2 extremes, either do something and it has to be perfect, or don’t care about it and fail. I will be a failure unless I get full marks, which seems crazy but thats how I think, I can’t change how I think, last year at AS I got 57/60 marks, but I again convinced myself I was a failure.

    If I’m happy about a piece of work I have done (which hardly ever happens), I can never give myself credit for it, for example I did a photoshoot with a friend and I liked the photos I took, for three seconds, until I convinced myself all I did is click a button on a camera, my model is the one that made the photos a success.

    A lot of the time I just feel numb, again I can’t explain it, I just don’t feel anything, even when something really bad happens I will continue to feel numb, then ill get upset about it, feel everything all at once, and go back to feeling numb.

    Its a cycle, im always feeling depressed, but its like I reach rock bottom, get really really depressed, bring myself back up again, hit rock bottom again. When I hit rock bottom I often think about k ill ingggg myself, because I can’t take this cycle, nothing changes, its literally like being stuck in hell.

    Most of the time I end up comfort eating / overeating, I don’t know why I guess Its a way to self destruct

    Can’t concentrate most of the time, it takes me ages to complete tasks at school because I have to keep reading stuff in the text book over and over again until something goes into my head.

    I don’t act like a stereotypical depressed person would act, I can get out of bed in the morning is just difficult, I don’t go in and out of depression, I can’t just have major depression.

    I think the worst thing is is that nobody knows, I am unable to tell anyone about anything personal, I really hate the feeling of someone caring about me (idk why it just makes me really uncomfortable). Its so annoying, people have no idea about how isolated and depressed I’ve made myself, teachers have no idea about the reason why I can’t meet deadlines, i feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

    So I’m stuck, I’m nervous about going to a GP because I think they’re allowed to tell my parents which will make everything worse (I don’t have a normal family at all), I looked up so many types of mental health issues, apparently theres a thing called high functioning depression, idk whether thats the same as persistent depression disorder, idk whats wrong with me. This is not an attention thing, I fricken hate attention, like I said it actually makes me physically uncomfortable.
    Maybe go and see a counsellor in your college? They usually have someone you can talk to and discuss your problems with, and you can discuss whether you should see your GP about it or not.

    As well, there are plenty of CBT apps that are really useful when you're a negative thinker! They won't solve your problem immediately, and you have to do a lot of work, but y'know they're good for looking positively at life. And if you can't, then it's clear you need to go and see someone.

    I've felt the same for a long time, and I finally spoke to my parents about it over the weekend (I ended up crying like a baby), but it actually really helped and I got a lot off my chest! I've seen a few counsellors in my time, but as I've already said, you've gotta do a lot of work if you really want to change. My favourite app for this is Wysa, and you chat to it and it really helps see things from a positive perspective, and it helps you get there on your own. It's a free service, but you can pay a little bit extra to get your own work coach (I personally find the free service very useful itself).

    I used to hate getting up, and I really had to work hard to motivate myself to get out of bed, and I even scared myself at how little I cared about anything. It's not good either that I have anxiety so everything has to be perfect as well, everything is so confusing. But discussing it with someone is definitely really helpful, so I suggest going to a counsellor (they can't tell anyone about what you discuss), and looking into meditation apps and CBT stuff.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay I’m gonna try and break down whats happening because I have no ****ing idea what is happening inside my head.

    I don’t know how I feel, all I know is that it isn’t normal to feel how I feel. I have no direct cause to feel this way I just feel this way, I live in a really *****y situation but it doesnt make me sad, I’m already ‘sad’ and that just makes it worse.

    Im tired, I’m really really tired all the time, again there is no cause for tiredness, I don’t run 100 miles a day, but I feel like I’m just constantly tired, anything I have to do just seems like a mountain to climb, maybe I’m lazy, but I don’t get why I am so so tired.

    I thought maybe its depression, but there are so many god damn types, major depression is the ‘normal’ one, but I don’t go in and out of being depressed , I just am depressed. I don’t know a time when I felt different to this, its been that long I have no idea who I am anymore.

    Everything negative spirals. If something really small happens I will take that and spin it into something much worse, its like my ‘friends’ left me out of secret Santa thing at Christmas, then I spent days thinking about why I am such a bad person, why no one will like me, why I’m such a god damn weird kid, basically just hated myself, now anytime I feel like hating myself I will always go to events like to back up my ‘argument’, as if I argue with myself, I do but that **** is crazy.

    Everything I care about doing has to be perfect, for example I made a music video for a2 media, people have been complimenting me about it, but all I can do is focus on every negative thing about my music video, I have convinced myself I’m a complete failure who will never get anywhere in life. I have 2 extremes, either do something and it has to be perfect, or don’t care about it and fail. I will be a failure unless I get full marks, which seems crazy but thats how I think, I can’t change how I think, last year at AS I got 57/60 marks, but I again convinced myself I was a failure.

    If I’m happy about a piece of work I have done (which hardly ever happens), I can never give myself credit for it, for example I did a photoshoot with a friend and I liked the photos I took, for three seconds, until I convinced myself all I did is click a button on a camera, my model is the one that made the photos a success.

    A lot of the time I just feel numb, again I can’t explain it, I just don’t feel anything, even when something really bad happens I will continue to feel numb, then ill get upset about it, feel everything all at once, and go back to feeling numb.

    Its a cycle, im always feeling depressed, but its like I reach rock bottom, get really really depressed, bring myself back up again, hit rock bottom again. When I hit rock bottom I often think about k ill ingggg myself, because I can’t take this cycle, nothing changes, its literally like being stuck in hell.

    Most of the time I end up comfort eating / overeating, I don’t know why I guess Its a way to self destruct

    Can’t concentrate most of the time, it takes me ages to complete tasks at school because I have to keep reading stuff in the text book over and over again until something goes into my head.

    I don’t act like a stereotypical depressed person would act, I can get out of bed in the morning is just difficult, I don’t go in and out of depression, I can’t just have major depression.

    I think the worst thing is is that nobody knows, I am unable to tell anyone about anything personal, I really hate the feeling of someone caring about me (idk why it just makes me really uncomfortable). Its so annoying, people have no idea about how isolated and depressed I’ve made myself, teachers have no idea about the reason why I can’t meet deadlines, i feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

    So I’m stuck, I’m nervous about going to a GP because I think they’re allowed to tell my parents which will make everything worse (I don’t have a normal family at all), I looked up so many types of mental health issues, apparently theres a thing called high functioning depression, idk whether thats the same as persistent depression disorder, idk whats wrong with me. This is not an attention thing, I fricken hate attention, like I said it actually makes me physically uncomfortable.
    Hi there,

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's awful. You're not alone in how you're feeling, I can relate so much to how you're feeling and I know many others who feel the same. I have depression, but similar to you, I am in a constant state of depression, I don't go in and out of it. Depression and any mental illness, is specific to the individual. You could have all the same symptoms as someone else but you'll still both experience it differently because your different people so your perception of it will be different. I also researched so many things, even with a diagnosis I sometimes believe they're wrong and feel I need a more in depth assessment so I'm still researching different things to see whats wrong with me.

    Could I ask how old you are? No matter what your age, your GP can keep everything confidential, unless they think you are at risk of harming yourself or others. I always hate it when they say this because it's not very specific, but it basically means if they think you're at a high risk of self harming or attempting suicide then they'll probably talk to someone at home and your school. Usually I would advise you to talk to them about everything, but if the thought of them talking to your parents is putting you off, I think it's better you just tell them as much as your comfortable with, because at least then you're getting some help rather than not at all. I didn't go for help until recently because I was so afraid of them telling my parents, but as I'm over 18 they didn't have to, my parents just know I'm on antidepressants because I asked them to pay for my prescription. Also if you go to a GP, they can do blood tests and things to check it's not anything else, there's a few illnesses like an underactive thyroid that can cause symptoms similar to depression so it's a good idea to get that checked out first.

    If you still don't want to go to a GP, you should at least tell a friend about how you're feeling, it can be really helpful just having someone in your personal life know what you're going through so they know how to support you. You could also tell your teachers your struggling, you don't have to go into details but even just letting them know, they might be more lenient so you're not as stressed out and they'll just try and support you. I'm not a doctor or anything so I can't give any diagnosis, but the kind of rule GP's have is if it's impacting your daily life, relationships etc then you should go to them.

    Sorry if this hasn't been very helpful, I'm not great at advice haha, but as it's impacting you so much, it won't just be laziness or something that will just pass by, so please seek some sort of advice, even from a friend or try some self-help apps. You're not alone in this! My inbox is always open if you just need a chat
    • #1
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    (Original post by MartinisSkip)
    Maybe go and see a counsellor in your college? They usually have someone you can talk to and discuss your problems with, and you can discuss whether you should see your GP about it or not.

    As well, there are plenty of CBT apps that are really useful when you're a negative thinker! They won't solve your problem immediately, and you have to do a lot of work, but y'know they're good for looking positively at life. And if you can't, then it's clear you need to go and see someone.

    I've felt the same for a long time, and I finally spoke to my parents about it over the weekend (I ended up crying like a baby), but it actually really helped and I got a lot off my chest! I've seen a few counsellors in my time, but as I've already said, you've gotta do a lot of work if you really want to change. My favourite app for this is Wysa, and you chat to it and it really helps see things from a positive perspective, and it helps you get there on your own. It's a free service, but you can pay a little bit extra to get your own work coach (I personally find the free service very useful itself).

    I used to hate getting up, and I really had to work hard to motivate myself to get out of bed, and I even scared myself at how little I cared about anything. It's not good either that I have anxiety so everything has to be perfect as well, everything is so confusing. But discussing it with someone is definitely really helpful, so I suggest going to a counsellor (they can't tell anyone about what you discuss), and looking into meditation apps and CBT stuff.
    ill try it thank you, I feel like such a crazy person and I'm not sure if I have anxiety or not as well but thats another issue lol I'm a mess
    • #1
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    (Original post by kosza432)
    Hi there,

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's awful. You're not alone in how you're feeling, I can relate so much to how you're feeling and I know many others who feel the same. I have depression, but similar to you, I am in a constant state of depression, I don't go in and out of it. Depression and any mental illness, is specific to the individual. You could have all the same symptoms as someone else but you'll still both experience it differently because your different people so your perception of it will be different. I also researched so many things, even with a diagnosis I sometimes believe they're wrong and feel I need a more in depth assessment so I'm still researching different things to see whats wrong with me.

    Could I ask how old you are? No matter what your age, your GP can keep everything confidential, unless they think you are at risk of harming yourself or others. I always hate it when they say this because it's not very specific, but it basically means if they think you're at a high risk of self harming or attempting suicide then they'll probably talk to someone at home and your school. Usually I would advise you to talk to them about everything, but if the thought of them talking to your parents is putting you off, I think it's better you just tell them as much as your comfortable with, because at least then you're getting some help rather than not at all. I didn't go for help until recently because I was so afraid of them telling my parents, but as I'm over 18 they didn't have to, my parents just know I'm on antidepressants because I asked them to pay for my prescription. Also if you go to a GP, they can do blood tests and things to check it's not anything else, there's a few illnesses like an underactive thyroid that can cause symptoms similar to depression so it's a good idea to get that checked out first.

    If you still don't want to go to a GP, you should at least tell a friend about how you're feeling, it can be really helpful just having someone in your personal life know what you're going through so they know how to support you. You could also tell your teachers your struggling, you don't have to go into details but even just letting them know, they might be more lenient so you're not as stressed out and they'll just try and support you. I'm not a doctor or anything so I can't give any diagnosis, but the kind of rule GP's have is if it's impacting your daily life, relationships etc then you should go to them.

    Sorry if this hasn't been very helpful, I'm not great at advice haha, but as it's impacting you so much, it won't just be laziness or something that will just pass by, so please seek some sort of advice, even from a friend or try some self-help apps. You're not alone in this! My inbox is always open if you just need a chat
    Thank you, this was actually extremely helpful because I felt really alone with everything going on in my head, I'm 17 so I guess they won't tell my parents, but I'm also kinda scared they will because I was/am passively suicidal, ill make a doctors appointment and see how it goes, might not mention the whole suicidal thing first off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you, this was actually extremely helpful because I felt really alone with everything going on in my head, I'm 17 so I guess they won't tell my parents, but I'm also kinda scared they will because I was/am passively suicidal, ill make a doctors appointment and see how it goes, might not mention the whole suicidal thing first off.
    That's great! Let us know how your appointment goes Sometimes if they don't think you'll act on suicidal thoughts (like if they just come and go and you don't have a plan or anything) then they still won't tell your parents, but just in case, you might be better off not telling them just yet. Your GP will probably ask if you have anyone that knows how you're feeling and they'll just suggest you tell someone in your personal life just for support but they won't force you to tell anyone. If you have any more worries or questions I'll try and answer them as best I can
 
 
 
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