I've been considering posting this for a while and have decided to as the situation is only getting worse.
I could spend ages going into everything, but a brief background is my parents got divorced 5 years ago when I was 12. Everything since then has just been a rollercoaster of house moves and general difficulty. My biological parents are not on friendly terms. My dad lives in Scotland. I live in England with my mum and her 20-year-senior partner who is a very large part of the reason I'm making this post. Sorry for the length, I'll put a TL;DR at the end.
Essentially, I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable in my own home. No, I'm not being 'abused' as such and am not a victim of domestic violence or family tragedy. I often feel guilty for not liking my situation considering that I at least have a roof over my head, but things are pretty weird and at the end of the day I'm still miserable. I'll go into a few things to try and explain what I'm going through because I'm not sure where to begin.
Last night, I made the mistake of eavesdropping on a conversation my mum and her bf were having, on account of the fact it was about me. I didn't listen for very long, but amongst other things I heard my mum refer to me as 'psychotic'. This, I believe, is because apparently I think the entire universe revolves around me and drift around the house doing whatever I please. Meanwhile, her bf called me 'an opinionated idiot who tries to buy friends' - because, I think, I am having a party on Tuesday which they do not approve of. Many other things were said but I cannot remember. It was all pretty nasty, and my mum agreed with everything. My mum has ignored me all day today.
Last week, I had a migraine while I was at cadets and decided to ring my mum to bring me home. She had to ask her bf to drive as she'd had alcohol. When I got home a little later, I asked my brothers if her bf has said anything about me. He had. They told me he'd complained because 'I was fine earlier', essentially called me a wimp, and instructed my mum to take her time and have another drink before they left to pick me up.
Finally, my mum just got back from a month-long teaching placement in Spain. During this time, with little complaint, my and my younger brothers put up with living alone with only her bf who doesn't like us, and looked after ourselves. It was me who cooked dinner on many evenings, possibly most. Was this good enough for them? Apparently not.
I have been constantly stressed for more than a year now, juggling many responsibilities and just trying to stay afloat. I am trying my best to become a functional adult. However, my mum and her man still seem to think I am a useless waste of space, they often refer to me and my brothers as being boring and gormless, as well as badmouthing our dad. I am trying to coordinate my own driving lessons, and am getting a job myself, but they don't approve of anything.
I know it's sad to want to leave home early, but I really want to move out. Don't get me wrong, I try to be rational and I understand leaving before 18 is a generally bad move, and not something I am seriously considering rn. What I am considering is living with my dad, but I am scared of transferring sixth forms (again) and leaving my life here behind as he lives so far away.
There's a few other things like my mum's boyfriend's disgusting lack of hygiene, the fact that my teenage brothers aren't allowed to shower regularly, the fact that the house wifi gets turned off fairly early at night (yes, ik, not a massive issue but adding insult to injury. I wouldn't mind if I didn't desperately want to talk to people at night about feeling depressed).
There's loads more stuff I could talk about and probably quite a lot I've forgotten to mention, but this should give the general idea. I can't really convey the exact issues very well. I'm just starting to hate myself because I feel like a failure in their eyes. I think my mum would genuinely choose her bf over me and I'm just full of anger atm.
TL;DR - 17, want to move out due to friction between me and my mum+her boyfriend but don't know if I'm justified in how unhappy I am, feel lost.
Turn on thread page Beta
Unhappy at home, need advice watch
- Thread Starter
- 10-02-2018 18:12
- Community Assistant
- 16-02-2018 20:02
I know it'll be hard to do, but you should try and sit both your mum and her boyfriend down and just tell them how you're feeling. Say how you feel like you're unwanted and how unhappy you are becoming. It's possible they don't realise the effect they're having on you. If this is too hard to do face-to-face, try writing it down in a letter so they can read it (that way they won't interrupt you either) so they realise what they're doing to do.
As for moving with your dad, are you in year 12 or 13? I'm assuming you're in year 12, in which case if you're going to move, you need to move before September because that's when you start uni applications etc. and it becomes harder to move. Are you able to talk to your dad about this too?
I hope it all works out for you. And yes, you are justified in feeling like this. It seems like a terrible environment. My dad is similar - always calling me names for doing even tiny things wrong, it's so much better now I'm at university. Good luck.