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    Okay so this is a deep story I’m going to tell( and yes I’ve received professional help and still am)

    So 2017 summer I was doing my GCSES and at the time I had a boyfriend and it was like 3 months into the relationship. I was happy as ever and everything in my life was perfect!! Up until I woke up one morning with an excruciating pain and it was agonising I never felt anything like it. I was bleeding down there and it was such a severe sharp pain my mother took me to the hospital. I had been sexually active but had always taken precautions and I asked my boyfriend to hurry and get me a pregnancy test so he ran to every local shop but none were there .They were running tests and my mum decided to get food from the canteen as we have been there for a long time. And the doctors came in and sat down and told me I had been 6 weeks pregnant. My heart at dropped and I was unbelievably shocked as I had taken precautions and was very responsible. My heart weighed in on me and I burst into tears. However they didn’t need to tell my mother as I was 16 at the time. I was depressed and I had no idea wat to do, I decided not to tell my boyfriend as he would stress and worry about me and I wanted to reach his full potential in his exams. So after the hospital we had always been arguing and I do take responsibility as I had been so down and he had no reason why. He broke up with me and I had told a friend and she said I had to tell him the truth so I called him up and explained and he burst into tears and we got back together. Everything was perfect again but in the summer time he decided to do loads of drugs so we started having issues again. All was well and I jetted off to Dubai for a week and he went to a party and I didn’t hear from him for a couple days and I began to worry I was so stressed and worried about him. I came back from holiday and travelled to Manchester to see close family by this time i hadn’t seen him for 2 weeks. My older cousin said I could come to this house party she was invited to. I was so excited the party was going well until I was waiting to go to the toilet. Two boys came up behind me and pushed me into the toilet and I thought It was a joke up until they locked the door.. they forced me down and tried to rape me and I was frozen and I didn’t know what to do. I screamed for help and a person outside broke the door down and picked me up immediately. I was in shock and was taken upstairs and I rang my boyfriend and he wasn’t picking up I was begging him to call me because I was so scared and shaken up and he said he was busy?? And I said you should focus on me right now please and before I know it he opens my message and doesn’t reply. He doesn’t speak to me for 3 days and I was so mentally and emotionally unstable I was led to believe I had somehow cheated on him and I felt so disgusted with myself. I went to the police about the incident and they took it from there but during that time I needed him the most. I come back home to find a text message he sent saying he wanted to end things as I had “pissed him off” I was completely broken. We went to a party a couple days after and both got drunk he took me back to his house where we both had sex and the day after tht he said he didn’t want anything with me. I cannot even explain the amount of pain I went through tht summer. It’s just I loved him unimaginable amounts. I was moving on and things were looking up again. But in the shower I was washing myself and felt a really hard lump under my armpit and I said to myself it cannot get worse than this. I went to the doctors they did scans and blood tests. I got called to the doctors office and they sat me down and said I had Hodgkin lymphoma. My whole world crashed I was so numb. I felt nothing... I started radiotherapy as I didn’t want chemotherapy (as I’ve had previous family members who have passed away from cancer and I see the amount of pain they’ve gone through) the only person I was thinking of after everything was him my ex. I was laying down in the machines crying my eyes out because I just wanted him. I decided to meet up with him and tell him. He cried his eyes out and held me tight saying I’m not gonna lose you again. I was so ill I was so exhausted I was so sick and still am. He was the best support system ever. I went through a phase where I was severely depressed and I can see why it was difficult for him but he helped me through it. I was so happy I made him my happy place again and I fought everyday because it was enough for me if I had him in my life. He was my safe haven. Things were back on track and then 4 months later he started to go really off with me and I didn’t know why? He broke up with me and my heart ACHED so much I never in my life thought he was capable of this how he’s okay with not being in my life when anything can happen at any time. He said he’ll always support and be there for me. But never heard from him for 2 weeks. Then I hear things he met up with someone else and I BROKE DOWN COMPLETELY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. Thinking how can someone be so spiteful and nasty I balled out my eyes how can he cause me so much pain when I learnt to forgive him and trust him again from his past actions. I confronted him screaming and crying having panic attack saying you’ve not been there for me what’s so ever I’ve been ill in hospital and you’ve been meeting other girls??! Long story short he apologised and was being there for me it was then my birthday and he got me a gift and we went out for a meal it was very flirtatious and we ended up kissing on the bus and he said we can “try again” I knew he wasn’t 100% there and then I invited him round mine so we can bond and we ended up having sex the following week he was being off with me and said I don’t want a relationship. And I said I’ve been through too much to be your friend as that is what he wanted. I deleted him from everything and haven’t spoken to him for nearly a week and this is the longest it’s been. My thing is he is a horrible disgusting person but I love him so much and I’m finding it so so hard to fight this battle and if anything were to happen I would want him there so do I try speak to him? I can’t do this this battle is so painful I’m in so much pain and he makes it so much better. I love him I really do. I know he’ll live his life in regret if anything were to happen but I just don’t think he realises what’s happening please I need help I need advice it’s so hard to go on I worked so hard to forgive and it can’t come to this xx
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    Wow I’m completely shell shock, honestly you had me in tears reading that because I really do feel bad for you! Although I haven’t been through half the terrible stuff you’ve been through, I DO know first hand how draining and heartbreaking it can be to love somebody so much but know they’re such a **** person. All the times you’ve got back together could’ve been him feeling guilty or him just using the fact that you love him so much.. eventually you start to believe you are no good and it really breaks you down mentally as you feel like you’re worthless. In my honest opinion and from experience I do feel like you care about him and you are so used to the idea of being in love with him that now you completely depend on his support. The fact that you’ve stopped talking to him for a bit now is good because it shows that you know that he is no good for you no matter how hard it is. That is progress in itself and you should be so proud. The only reason you’re hesitant now and you really want him back is because it took you so long to forgive him and go back to him that now you don’t want it to end because it feels like it was all a waste of time... I totally understand you. You do have to remember that some people are just toxic and that they will only ever truly care about their reputation and themselves.. maybe this is what he is really like? Yeah I get it you must have had some great times together but if he’s a **** the majority of the time IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? Honestly you just need to take some time away from him and think about all the other positives I your life; who you have around you eg. Family and friends and if this guy is honestly the person you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. I did my GCSE’s las year aswell and before that the longest relationship I had been in lasted for ages and we kept breaking up and getting back together, it was all really deep. Eventually I learnt that I really did just miss the idea of him and all of our memories together so we ended up being friends and then did just gradually drift apart which honestly is okay with me now. Remember you need to take care of yourself and do what you think is right. I’m completely happy to talk about it with you more if you want as Ik sometimes it’s easier talking to someone that isn’t involved and easier than talking to a friend who knows you both or a family member. My snapchat: csherise ❤️❤️❤️
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play

    I am so sad for what you have gone through and wish you to have a much more positive future. I would send a final text to let him know the this is completely over then delete and block his number. I believe if you are still in contact you will just remain sad and that isn't fair on you. Your relationship appears to be a heartbreaking cycle and it sounds as if it is just not working. One day, I am sure you will meet someone new and wonder why you were waiting on this previous person for so long. I think it is important to acknowledge your heartache. Give yourself some self0love and do things you love to do - maybe even start a new hobby as a distraction like a musical instrument. You will heal. Also, talk to people you know. I know that this a lot easier as an idea than to actually do but trust me, I am sure they want to know and want to help you.

    God bless you omg, I'm in shock. You've been through so much I can't begin to imagine how hard it has been for you. So many people wouldn't be able to get through a fraction of what you've been through, especially at your age. I feel awful that despite how supportive your boyfriend was during the toughest times, his commitment isn' 100% and to be honest he doesn't deserve you. You're going to come out of this striving and strong as ever, with or without him. You're beyond tough and although he seemed to you like your motivation, and everything that would get you through it, it' actually all within yourself, you don't need him, and you may not realize it yet, but you will, and when you do it'll empower you so so much. Everything happens for a reason,, everytime something major has happened to you, your boyfriend has felt awful, cared for you then left as he pleased. You've been shown that his unsupportiveness is an end result everytime, until something major happens again, but whats next time going to be, to take him to realise, if there is a next time?(God forbid). Youve been through some of the worst life experiences i could imagine, and you need to get through this without him, unlike all the others. Its hard, and im probably making it sound a lot easier said than done. But someone like you, wow, youre so strong that you can get through this. To have this much experience at such a young age is very, very powerful, and when the future comes, you'l look back on these times and see how far youve actually come. God bless, I hope you regain health soon, and that this sequence of your life will be over soon. Better things will come
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