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Why do I always get 'the ick' with guys I fancy??! watch

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    i feel like this is just what happens in general with most relationships.
    • Thread Starter
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    Im so surprised so many other girls get this :lol: but I feel like I'll be single forever at this rate :'(

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes! That happens to me too. I start to like a guy a lot but say after a few weeks, I just don't see anything and feel no chemistry towards them.
    (Original post by Fizzy98)
    HAHAA this is literally me I don’t know how to fix it. It’s sometimes things as stupid as what jeans they wear and I KNOW that’s dumb and ridiculously shallow. It’s like... it’s not u, it’s ur jeans :/
    (Original post by boatybells)
    YES omg someone put it into words
    (Original post by Supernova36)
    This is amazing ! Yeah I get this too xox
    (Original post by Bham369)
    :lol: know what you mean!
    (Original post by saharan_skies)
    this is like..... me. i start having good vibes about a guy and then as soon as i start going out with them, i start feeling slightly disgusted of things that they do. (idk if its because im actually not that into guys at all or because i get grossed out easily )
    (Original post by The SQA Hates Us)
    OH MY THIS IS ME AS HECK

    There's this boy I've been kind of crushing on for a little while, and now he's shown signs of liking me (idk how to describe it's just the same stuff that I do when I like someone) I've completely been put off by him!
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    Girls are weird. A lot are like this, and then when you cotton on and start to contact them a lot less they whinge that you only contact them when you're after a booty call. Can't win sometimes
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    Most guys know this about girls. The less attention you give girls the more they become attracted to you and the more attention you give them the less attracted to you they become. This applies to all girls. I think its a biological thing. I'm sure of it. It kind of makes sense. The more attention you give girls the more dependent you appear to the girl and therefore less masculine and so less attractive. The more distant you become the more independent you appear to the girl and the more masculine so the more attractive you become to her. I think its one of those evolution things....that help women choose a partner that can protect them.

    Most guys that are successful with girls, know this trait about girls and use it to their advantage in relationships.
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    (Original post by winterscoming)
    It sounds to me like you've just never managed to find the kind of deeper connection which grows over time as you really get to know someone. If you haven't had the chance to experience a real meaningful connection with anyone yet, don't worry, it'll happen eventually, but it's not going to appear out of nowhere. Obviously you can't force something out of nothing, but both sides do actually need to make an effort, be patient with the other, and actually really want it to work.

    Don't try to over-think it or see it as a problem. It might be because they're not that into you, or maybe it's because you're just not that into them, or perhaps you think you want a relationship but actually you're still having fun just meeting people and dating, and you just don't want to settle for somebody just yet given that there are so many other people out there who might be better for you. It doesn't matter the reason why, all that matters is that you know it's not working out, and there's no point beating yourself up about it, or wondering if there's something wrong with you - you've got your own life to live, so live it and don't dwell on the relationships which didn't work out.

    If you're worried that you're being too picky, or searching for the impossible, just remember that there's a huge difference between wanting a relationship and really wanting to be with someone so much that you'll both put in the effort needed to make it work - this doesn't happen often because it takes a lot of time and patience; you need to want that person enough that you can deal with the highs and lows, the personality quirks, the annoying habits, etc.

    Just think how many years you've known your best friend, all the stuff you've done together, and how hard you'd find it to replace him/her in your life - until you've got that kind of connection with a partner, then you probably haven't met "the right one" yet.

    When it does happen, you'll really know about it because that person will be a potential life-long partner who you'd actually seriously be considering spending the rest of your days with, All the things about them which annoy you will just stop bothering you, and you'll most likely even start to find those quirks attractive because it's their 'true' personality shining through - i.e. the flaws and faults in your partner which nobody else really notices, and nobody else appreciates or understands about them quite the way that you do.

    Until then, just accept that it's going to happen with nearly all of your future dates (if you're lucky, it will happen with all but one). By the way, guys go through exactly the same thing after dating a few months, we're just as likely to lose interest, or decide that she's not really worth the effort, or end up more interested in somebody else, or just figure that life is easier without being joined at the hip with somebody.
    So do you think it's a case of finding someone I actually click with on a sustained level and who I'm really really into enough to put in the effort?

    I really hope what you're saying is true because I dont fancy being alone forever :lol:
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    I get this too towards girls. And not only romantically, just towards people in general I guess. Some people annoy me for no good reason.
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    This happens to guys too.

    Also, nice try at stealing my name
    hahah sorry mate!
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    (Original post by Fizzy98)
    it’s not u, it’s ur jeans :/
    this made me laugh :lol:
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    (Original post by tootles44)
    So do you think it's a case of finding someone I actually click with on a sustained level and who I'm really really into enough to put in the effort?

    I really hope what you're saying is true because I dont fancy being alone forever :lol:
    Yeah But in case I'm wrong and you do end up alone forever, you can always become crazy cat lady

    Seriously though, just look at the other replies if you ever needed proof that everybody you'll ever meet is going to have all kinds of slight personality quirks, strange habits and other niggles which have the potential to annoy you.

    People often hide this stuff at the start of a relationship so you don't always see it straight away, normally you'll find out about them as you get more comfortable with each other, so I guess it's whether you reach a point where you've lost interest, or whether you're enamoured enough with them that you think it's worth trying.

    Eventually most people meet somebody who they feel a real connection with, which makes you just want to be around them. When that happens you'll start to recognise those flaws as being like tiny fragments of the things which make up their personality and who they really are, so you might still notice these things, but wanting to be with somebody kind of changes the way you feel about the things which would otherwise be a turn-off.

    To be honest, I think all relationships start out much the same, it takes a long time to really know whether it's going to work or not (Disney movies are nonsense! sorry :P ). You'll never really be able to notice the one which is going to work out, but if you've lost interest after a few months, then you know it's definitely not going to work.

    Just remember that it's not hopeless - you don't need to force it; you're going to keep meeting wrong'uns along the way who aren't worth the effort - you've just gotta learn to spot those ones, and move on
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    I've never heard of "the ick" but after researching - things are starting to make a whole lot more sense now....
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    ...It's called...getting to know someone and realising you don't like them after all.

    It's also called, not being shallow.
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    (Original post by tootles44)
    hahah sorry mate!
    It's alright :lol:
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    Yes it's happened to me before, but I put it down to just not having a connection with them. If you really fancied/had feelings for them, you'd overlook them and be excited about the developing relationship so I'd assume you've just not found the right guy.
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    (Original post by It's****ingWOODY)
    Girls are weird. A lot are like this
    (Original post by CookieButter)
    Most guys know this about girls. The less attention you give girls the more they become attracted to you and the more attention you give them the less attracted to you they become.
    Pretty much.
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    With some guys, I find them attractive but then they start to repulse me.
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    What you're experiencing is mother nature/evolution. That's how women are.

    You crave the guys who don't give you constant attention because you like the chase (it's hard wired in your DNA). The more guys start to give you all the attention in the world the more you get bored of them very quickly.

    I just feel sorry for the men who still don't understand this.
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    @ me next time
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    I get 'the ick' almost instantaneously with all of humanity.
 
 
 
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