I am staying with my parents so don't have any bills to pay, or anybody relying on me. At the moment I’m not in any debt and I have been using my savings to gamble. I run my own business from home, selling on eBay for a living. This allows me to make time for gambling whenever I like.
I only started gambling about a month ago, but it has quickly gone out of control. It started off with me and a friend going to a casino in central London on a night out. I began with about £600 but after a few hours of playing roulette I left with about £3000. I’d bet only on the colours or odd/even which went well for me. It was such easy money, a couple hours and I’d made £2400.
After that day I’d become hooked, started going to the casino 3-4 times per week. I live in London so whenever I am out, I’d always try to make a stop off at the casino. Always playing roulette, always betting on colours.
It actually went well for me for a while, I’d won from nearly every session at least a couple hundred, if not thousands. I started to bet with bigger and bigger amounts coming into the casino with £2-3000 at a time.
There was one night where I lost it all - £2500 that I’d brought myself and then on top of that I had 2 debit and 2 credit cards with me. I had withdrawn the max I could £3600 overall 4 cards that night too, so in total lost just over £6000. I found that once I’d lost the original money I came with, I’d withdraw more and place bigger and bigger bets to try chase and win back the money I’d lost - In the end I lost it all. That night I felt like I was about to collapse, sick to my stomach. I didn’t tell any of my friends or family about this.
I still had £2000 left that I’d kept at home, I decided to go to the casino again the next day to win back the losses. I managed to win £800 or so over a few hours, felt a little better. Kept going over the next few days and gradually managed to win back most of what I’d lost that night.
But last night I had my second major loss. I hadn’t even planned to go to the casino. I went to clubbing and afterwards decided to go to the casino. The session started off well, I began with £1000 and after a few risky bets, I’d turned that into £3700. I cashed that out, I was happy! There was a voice in my head telling me to leave, go home. But I guess greed took over, I wanted to turn that into even more. I told myself I’d only gamble a few hundred and leave £3000 to take home. It turned into a disaster, I lost a few hundred and started to chase my losses like before. Ended up losing the whole £3700 and then on top of that I withdrew an extra £1800 from ATM - lost that too!
I felt so broken afterwards, kicking myself for not walking away with £3700 I’d won earlier. I was just thinking about what I could have done with the money. That same amount would have taken me months to make on eBay, but only an hour or two at the casino.
But also the money I’d lost - months of hard work on eBay, was gone within a matter of minutes.
I feel like I hate losing. I still have about £5000, I was planning to go to the casino today put it all on one colour to win back my losses. So a 50/50 chance of winning. Thinking about it now with a clear head and a good nights sleep, it sounds like a dumb idea. It could pay off which has happened in the past - but still very risky.
I am shocked how quickly gambling has taken over my life, over the past month I’ve gone through so many emotions. I’d go from being over the moon, to heartbroken, so much stress and anger but I know there’s nobody to blame for this but myself. I tell myself that after a big win, I won’t go the casino for at least a month or two. But somehow I always end up there…
I really want to win back that £3000 I lost last night, but I can see this turning into a vicious circle. I want to quit but I can’t.
When I make a big loss, I feel depressed. I won’t want to talk to my friends, not to my family, won't answer calls. I’d turn off my phone completely and lay in bed most of the day.
Normally whenever I gamble I’d drink as well, which is maybe why I’d take riskier bets.
I don’t speak to my friends about the losses, I feel like an idiot.
Why would I risk such huge amounts of money? I feel embarrassed. I feel like I’m all alone, which is why I made this thread. I need some advice and help, but I am afraid to go to people that I know.